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I was pleasantly surprised with Minneapolis in the state of 10,000 lakes. Minneapolis sure did have a lot of lakes itself. I tagged along for my husband's on-sight work trip to Minneapolis from a Monday to a Thursday. While most of his days were full of meetings and networking with his coworkers, I had ample time to take full advantage of the city and explore on my own. Here's what I did and what I liked... The Logistics
Day 1After checking into the hotel and unpacking, we ventured into the indoor shopping plaza with an outdoor feel located attached to our hotel for some lunch. Lunch was Sotti, a Mediterranean style fast-food restaurant and it was delicious for being fast foodish. We spent the remaining hours before dinner relaxing and getting ready. A shuttle picked us up around 6:00 to take us to Birch's on the Lake, a gastropub and brewery specializing in seafood and New American fare, located just right out of the city on Long Lake. Dinner here was really the highlight of the day. My husband's company had arranged for an all-inclusive, already paid for four course meal with an open bar. Appetizers and drinks started the cocktail hour portion of the night and then we were led into the dining area for a seated family style meal of salads, fried chicken, ribs, risotti, mashed potatoes, and an option of cheesecake or chocolate cake for dessert. After dinner, we drank some more on the patio outside and watched the sun set over the lake. Dinner at Birch's was really quite the event and highly recommend putting this restaurant on your list of places to dine in Minneapolis. I went to bed as soon as I arrived back to the hotel, for I was really stuffed.  Day 2I woke up early to make the most of my day entirely alone and up to my discretion. Breakfast was at People's Organic, located in the attached mall. I got the steel cut oats, and it was all right. After a quick trip to Target to get some supplies for the day, I headed a few blocks away to catch the metro. *A quick note about the metro. It was pretty easy to navigate. I purchased a ticket for $2 to be able to ride unlimitedly for two hours, but I never had to show my ticket. On the way to my destination, there were no problems. On the way back, I felt uncomfortable, not necessarily unsafe per say, but highly uncomfortable. A lot of what I assume were homeless or drug addicts were onboard with some questionable behavior, including one guy leering at me. Being the only woman onboard, I was ready to get off. But overall, the metro is a cheap and easy way to get around.* I took the metro to Minnehaha Park. I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. I took a walk to Minnehaha Falls, rented a quad bike from Wheel Fun Rentals and rode it around the park for an hour, and finally ended my time at the park by eating lunch hand drinking a beer at Sea Salt Eatery, located inside the park. After a quick pitstop back to the hotel, I changed into my bathing suit and headed by Uber to Lake Harriet where I ordered ice cream from Pickles and sunbathed on one of the lake's two beaches. My last adventure for the day was dinner and beer at Pryes Brewing Company located near the Mississippi River in the Warehouse District. I ordered the Riverside beer and the goat cheese pizza, both which were delicious and refreshing. After a jammed packed day, which I mostly spent entirely alone, I went to bed early. Day 3I woke early again to do a run near the Mississippi River by Mill Ruins Park and across the Stone Arch Bridge. I had an avocado, egg, and tomato toast for breakfast at Dunn Brothers Coffee. Afterwards, I rented a bike from Nice Ride. Nice Rides are located all throughout the city. All you do is download the app, scan the barcode on the bike, grab and go, and return to any location throughout town. I rode the bike all along the path by the river and it was a really enjoyable ride. I had the bike for about an hour, and the entire trip cost me $8.25. I had a quick shower and then wandered down to Target Field for a Twins day game at 12:10. James was able to meet me at 1, and we had another MLB ballfield down. I had delicious street tacos for lunch at the ballpark. The game was pretty uneventful, but we liked the stadium. After the game, James had more work events to attend to, so I made my way to Caribou Coffee to read and have a few snacks. For dinner that night, plus ones were able to attend dinner. We had an outside dinner at Owamni by the Sioux Chef, a restaurant specializing in Indigenous cuisine. The restaurant was located near where I ran and biked earlier in the day and featured views of the river. The food was beyond good. Again, we had an open bar and a multi-course meal of bison meatballs, gazpacho soup, and some type of potato and trout dishes. 5 stars for me. We hung out by the hotel bar afterwards and then called it a night. Day 4We were technically checking at 11, but we had the whole day until our flight. I started out with an early run and then a bagel breakfast at People's Organic again. We showered, packed up our luggage and Ubered to the Mall of America in Bloomington, near the airport. If you aren't into shopping, the Mall of America is still a sight to see. There's a whole mini theme park plus an aquarium, comedy club, escape room, Crayola Factory, and many more novelty exhibits and shops. We ended up eating lunch at Crave, and then I got two of the best cookies I've ever had at Baking Betty's. They were goat cheese and jam and a sea salt nutella. You can order online, and I'm thinking of doing that. We headed to the airport, thus ending our trip to Minneapolis.  OverallI really enjoyed Minneapolis. The city is easy to get around, whether you are taking public transportation, renting a bike, or walking. The weather was pretty nice in the summer. The food was good. And there was plenty to do. If I had more time, I would have visited Lake of the Isles and rented a kayak with Paddle Share, a unique concept of simply reserving a kayak and then grabbing it from a locker. I also would have loved to explore more of northern Minnesota and visited one of its bigger lakes. Overall, Minneapolis gets an A.
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Toddler tantrums are inevitable. I have talked about this before.
And there are lot of strategies out there on how to handle tantrums, but did you know that there are different stages to a toddler's tantrum and not every strategy works at every stage? In today's blog, I'll break down each stage of a toddler tantrum and what you should do at each stage. You'll be on your way to calmly handling any toddler tantrum even when they pitch a fit for wanting to eat with the green plate instead of the red plate even though at first you did give them the green plate, but they said they wanted the red plate. Stages of a Tantrum
Like any good book, a toddler's tantrum follows the same elements of a plot. First, we have the BEGINNING or EXPOSITION. This is when the reason for the tantrum is introduced. Now, sometimes the tantrum can end before it even started. Maybe on this particular day they are able to handle it. Maybe you prepped for this kind of thing, and your toddler takes it in stride. That's great! Although this tantrum would make for a very short and boring story, we are thrilled as parents that a toddler was able to happily and healthily move on. Second, we have the RISING ACTION. The reason for the tantrum is introduced and now our toddler is starting to process what just happened. There might be some reasoning, begging, whining, pouting, stomping, crying, but it isn't all out, although it is ramping up to be. Again, a tantrum might be stopped somewhere along the line of the rising action. But, if it is not, we are lead to the CLIMAX of a toddler's tantrum. This is the point where our toddler's brain is totally dysregulated. They can't think clearly. They can't reason. They might not even be able to form sentences. This is an all out meltdown. Finally, our toddler is going to start to calm down in the FALLING ACTION. This can take a while depending on the intensity of the climax. Again, in this stage they might try to reason with you or beg you. They, might have also gotten all their emotions out and be completely depleted. Lastly, they will reach a RESOLUTION where they are back to their normal selves and they are able to move on with life. So, now that we know the 5 stages of a toddler's tantrum what do we do during each stage. THE BEGINNING OF A TANTRUM
Some common reasons for a tantrum are the following:
To help a toddler healthily handle those reasons, I like to use a lot of GREENLIGHT STRATEGIES throughout my day. While greenlight strategies will never totally reduce the number of tantrums a toddler has, they will help reduce them. Also, remember this. All kids have tantrums. You are not a bad parent if your toddler is having a tantrum. Tantrums are healthy. They are your toddler's way of saying he needs help and this is an opportunity to help him. But how do we help? THE RISING ACTION
During the very beginning of the rising action, you want to CALM YOURSELF FIRST. If you aren't calm, you aren't in control. Your toddler is. And toddler's do not like it when they are in control. They really don't. The second thing to do is HOLD BOUNDARIES. If boundaries aren't held, the tantrum is over and your toddler realizes he can cry harder and longer to get what he wants for next time. Third, you are going to VALIDATE FEELINGS, VALIDATE THE MAGNITUDE OF THOSE FEELINGS, and use the magic phrase "YOU DIDN'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN." If the tantrum is still ramping up, you can try strategies such as MAGIC BREATHS - where you both model how to breath and help your toddler take deep breaths. You can use SIGN LANGUAGE to help your toddler calm down. You can also become a BROADCASTER. Hopefully, those strategies work, but if not, you've reached the CLIMAX.
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Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 2x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge and children's book, Henry's Hiccups, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram and get her free guide on what to do during the middle of a tantrum.
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Country Roads Take Me Home....
West Virginia is my home state and it really is a beautiful state. It has a lot to offer.
In my quest to visit all of the National Parks in the US, I knew New River Gorge National Park, America's newest national park, had to be on the top of my list.
This summer of July '22 I made that happen. With my mom, dad, aunt, cousin, and two kids, including my own, we traveled to New River Gorge National Park and experienced some breathtaking views, thrilling rapids, fresh mountain air, and the best activities to do with kids there.
It is truly so important to take kids outside and into nature.
Read on for 5 of the best activities to do with kids while visiting this park.
West Virginia is my home state and it really is a beautiful state. It has a lot to offer.
In my quest to visit all of the National Parks in the US, I knew New River Gorge National Park, America's newest national park, had to be on the top of my list.
This summer of July '22 I made that happen. With my mom, dad, aunt, cousin, and two kids, including my own, we traveled to New River Gorge National Park and experienced some breathtaking views, thrilling rapids, fresh mountain air, and the best activities to do with kids there.
It is truly so important to take kids outside and into nature.
Read on for 5 of the best activities to do with kids while visiting this park.
#1. Stay at Adventures on the Gorge
Adventures on the Gorge is a mecca for kids. You don't ever have to leave the resort and already it has some of the best activities for kids.
We stayed in one of the cabins called Lost Paddle. It has a master bedroom with a king sized bed and bathroom. Upstairs in the loft area has two double beds, a pull out chair (perfect for a small kid), and a bathroom. The living room has a pull out couch and some nice sitting chairs. Plus there is a fully stocked kitchen. Outside has a hot tub on the deck and a fire pit and grill down below.
The cabin alone was fun for kids by doing activities like playing in the hot tub, digging in the mud, and making a fire to roast s'mores.
But the rest of the resort was the best.
For starters, the pool, Canyon Falls, is right on the rim of the New River Gorge with incredible views of the New River Gorge Bridge.
The 3,000 square foot pool has a kiddie splash area, waterfalls, and an upper and lower pool with a huge surrounding deck and a snack bar. You could spend a whole day there.
The rest of the resort has four other dining options: Sweet Java Falls, a coffee and pastry shop; Chetty's Pub, a restaurant with burgers, beers, and wings; Smokey's on the Gorge, more of an upscale restaurant with premiere seating on the deck with spectacular views; and Rendezvous River Lodge which you can rent out.
In addition to dining, there are family activities such as disc golfing, aerial activities (zipline and tree treks), paintball, and a playground that our little kids loved.
Adventures on the Gorge definitely tops the list as the number one place to stay and explore with kids.
We stayed in one of the cabins called Lost Paddle. It has a master bedroom with a king sized bed and bathroom. Upstairs in the loft area has two double beds, a pull out chair (perfect for a small kid), and a bathroom. The living room has a pull out couch and some nice sitting chairs. Plus there is a fully stocked kitchen. Outside has a hot tub on the deck and a fire pit and grill down below.
The cabin alone was fun for kids by doing activities like playing in the hot tub, digging in the mud, and making a fire to roast s'mores.
But the rest of the resort was the best.
For starters, the pool, Canyon Falls, is right on the rim of the New River Gorge with incredible views of the New River Gorge Bridge.
The 3,000 square foot pool has a kiddie splash area, waterfalls, and an upper and lower pool with a huge surrounding deck and a snack bar. You could spend a whole day there.
The rest of the resort has four other dining options: Sweet Java Falls, a coffee and pastry shop; Chetty's Pub, a restaurant with burgers, beers, and wings; Smokey's on the Gorge, more of an upscale restaurant with premiere seating on the deck with spectacular views; and Rendezvous River Lodge which you can rent out.
In addition to dining, there are family activities such as disc golfing, aerial activities (zipline and tree treks), paintball, and a playground that our little kids loved.
Adventures on the Gorge definitely tops the list as the number one place to stay and explore with kids.
#2 Go on a Hike
Get off the mainland and take your kids on a hike for an activity.
Adventures on the Gorge had an easy path that went around the resort that my son loved being "the leader" on.
Want to go on a hike with a more scenic views of the gorge? Try Endless Wall Trail or Long Point Trail. Both are around 3 miles which is the threshold for little kids.
The hike up the Endless Wall Trail is easy for kids to navigate, but once you get to the top, there are steep drop offs if you want to take in the view. If you are nervous about this, either keep the kids on the main trail with another person and then switch as both of you look out the vista or strap them into a backpack.
However, if you stay on the main trail, there are no steep cliffs.
Adventures on the Gorge had an easy path that went around the resort that my son loved being "the leader" on.
Want to go on a hike with a more scenic views of the gorge? Try Endless Wall Trail or Long Point Trail. Both are around 3 miles which is the threshold for little kids.
The hike up the Endless Wall Trail is easy for kids to navigate, but once you get to the top, there are steep drop offs if you want to take in the view. If you are nervous about this, either keep the kids on the main trail with another person and then switch as both of you look out the vista or strap them into a backpack.
However, if you stay on the main trail, there are no steep cliffs.
#3 See Waterfalls
There are about 9 total waterfalls in the whole park, but we only went to one, and it was such as great activity to do with little kids.
We went to Cathedral Falls which is right off the road.
Kids can literally play in the shallow waters before the falls all day. My son had a blast turning over and piling rocks. Such a good sensory activity.
We went to Cathedral Falls which is right off the road.
Kids can literally play in the shallow waters before the falls all day. My son had a blast turning over and piling rocks. Such a good sensory activity.
#4 Go Rafting
Okay, so little kids might not be able to do this. Most trips you have to be 12+.
But this was too good not to do. Keep the little kids at the pool with a designated scaredy cat and sign up for this trip.
We did the 1/2 day run on the New River and had a blast. We booked through Adventures on the Gorge.
There will be 8 people + a guide in one raft, and we probably went through 8 or more Class III rapids. The tour guides were funny, and we got beer on the bus ride back.
If you're adventurous, do this! But also my 61 year old Mom did it (no offense, Mom), so it isn't too strenuous.
But this was too good not to do. Keep the little kids at the pool with a designated scaredy cat and sign up for this trip.
We did the 1/2 day run on the New River and had a blast. We booked through Adventures on the Gorge.
There will be 8 people + a guide in one raft, and we probably went through 8 or more Class III rapids. The tour guides were funny, and we got beer on the bus ride back.
If you're adventurous, do this! But also my 61 year old Mom did it (no offense, Mom), so it isn't too strenuous.
#5 Swim in the Lakes
We didn't do this one, but if we had an extra day, we would have.
Head on over to Summersville Lake where you can swim, boat, fish, or rent kayaks.
A great day trip for little kids.
Head on over to Summersville Lake where you can swim, boat, fish, or rent kayaks.
A great day trip for little kids.
Overall, I have three takeaways about New River Gorge National Park.
1.) Don't sleep on West Virginia. It's beautiful. The people are great.
2.) Take your little kids out in nature.
3.) The New River Gorge National Park has lots of great activities for little kids.
1.) Don't sleep on West Virginia. It's beautiful. The people are great.
2.) Take your little kids out in nature.
3.) The New River Gorge National Park has lots of great activities for little kids.
| | Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 2x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge and children's book, Henry's Hiccups, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram and get her free parenting checklists. |
Having lived in the Triangle area for almost 11 years now (Raleigh and Garner), I’ve visited a fair share of parks in Wake County, and in the last 3 years I’ve really ramped up our visits.
My son was born in 2019. The Pandemic hit in 2020. I’m also a teacher. So we’ve used those times when everything was shut down and the summer to explore all the Greenways and parks in Wake County. As an outdoor mom myself, I really want my son to be an outdoor kid.
I’ve gathered my list of the 11 best parks for Triangle area families to explore. I’ll list the parks and what they have to offer. The list is in no particular order.
My son was born in 2019. The Pandemic hit in 2020. I’m also a teacher. So we’ve used those times when everything was shut down and the summer to explore all the Greenways and parks in Wake County. As an outdoor mom myself, I really want my son to be an outdoor kid.
I’ve gathered my list of the 11 best parks for Triangle area families to explore. I’ll list the parks and what they have to offer. The list is in no particular order.
1. Marla Dorrel Park - Cary, NC
I know I said that I didn’t put these parks in any order, but this might take the number one playground in the Triangle area.
That’s because it has one key word: shade. Almost the entire park is covered in shade which makes it perfect on a hot summer’s day.
Also, the park is conveniently located next to one of Cary’s many Greenways, so if you wanted to take a walk too, you could. It connects to another playground, MacDonalds Woods Park, too.
On the weekdays, this park doesn’t get crowded at all. In fact, we’ve almost had the park to ourselves a couple of times. My son played in the park’s gigantic sandbox, and I read a book. It was perfect.
The playground is divided into three big sections and every section is great in my opinion. One section seems to be for smaller children. The middle section is more for older kids even though my son (3) enjoys this section when it isn’t crowded. The last section seems to be for kids of all ages. This section has the sandbox, swings, and a very accessible musical playset.
There is also a section with a little hill with a dragon feature in it and a green space for kids to run around.
The park also features:
That’s because it has one key word: shade. Almost the entire park is covered in shade which makes it perfect on a hot summer’s day.
Also, the park is conveniently located next to one of Cary’s many Greenways, so if you wanted to take a walk too, you could. It connects to another playground, MacDonalds Woods Park, too.
On the weekdays, this park doesn’t get crowded at all. In fact, we’ve almost had the park to ourselves a couple of times. My son played in the park’s gigantic sandbox, and I read a book. It was perfect.
The playground is divided into three big sections and every section is great in my opinion. One section seems to be for smaller children. The middle section is more for older kids even though my son (3) enjoys this section when it isn’t crowded. The last section seems to be for kids of all ages. This section has the sandbox, swings, and a very accessible musical playset.
There is also a section with a little hill with a dragon feature in it and a green space for kids to run around.
The park also features:
- A basketball court
- Skate park
- Picnic shelter with restrooms
- Multiple picnic tables
- Public art
- Misting garden (LOVE THIS!)
2. Jack Smith Park - Cary, NC
I really like this park for its splash pad, but the overall park does lack shade (Can you tell shade is important to us? Haha).
The splash pad gets turned on mid-May and is free to the public. The splash pad does have tables with umbrellas and a large wall with an overhang for parents to hang out. Restrooms and changing areas/showers are nearby.
The rest of the park features a playground with slides, swings, climbing areas, and those animal seesaw things.
There are also picnic shelters, a dog park, a climbing wall, greenways throughout the park, and public art on display such as the whirligigs, and Suffolk sheep grazing in the fields.
The splash pad can get crowded, so go early to claim your table.
The splash pad gets turned on mid-May and is free to the public. The splash pad does have tables with umbrellas and a large wall with an overhang for parents to hang out. Restrooms and changing areas/showers are nearby.
The rest of the park features a playground with slides, swings, climbing areas, and those animal seesaw things.
There are also picnic shelters, a dog park, a climbing wall, greenways throughout the park, and public art on display such as the whirligigs, and Suffolk sheep grazing in the fields.
The splash pad can get crowded, so go early to claim your table.
3. John Chavis Memorial Park - Raleigh, NC
Newly renovated Chavis Park, for short, is really nice. It’s just what a downtown city park needed.
The views of downtown are great.
My one complaint is that there is very little shade, and it can get HOT in the summer.
The park is centered around the community center which has programs and classes and has a gym, second floor track, and fitness center. The community center opens up into a nice outdoor terrace that overlooks the downtown, the water feature, and playground. Visitors can lounge in the many chairs and tables located throughout the balcony. Again, shade is limited.
Go down the stairs and you get to the water feature. This water feature reminds me of something you would see in downtown NYC. Water basically squirts from the ground to create different size fountains. Kids have fun running through it.
The playground has rubber safety surfacing. The playground includes areas for ages 2 to 5 years and 5 to 12 years, and several features are inviting for teenagers and adults. The playground has adult exercise equipment, a skywalk climbing feature, and nature play elements.
The rest of the sprawling park has an outdoor track, the Historic Allan Herschell Carousel (look up hours because it’s often closed), baseball fields, multipurpose fields, and many places to rent out (meeting rooms, fields, reception hall, picnic shelters, and more).
The views of downtown are great.
My one complaint is that there is very little shade, and it can get HOT in the summer.
The park is centered around the community center which has programs and classes and has a gym, second floor track, and fitness center. The community center opens up into a nice outdoor terrace that overlooks the downtown, the water feature, and playground. Visitors can lounge in the many chairs and tables located throughout the balcony. Again, shade is limited.
Go down the stairs and you get to the water feature. This water feature reminds me of something you would see in downtown NYC. Water basically squirts from the ground to create different size fountains. Kids have fun running through it.
The playground has rubber safety surfacing. The playground includes areas for ages 2 to 5 years and 5 to 12 years, and several features are inviting for teenagers and adults. The playground has adult exercise equipment, a skywalk climbing feature, and nature play elements.
The rest of the sprawling park has an outdoor track, the Historic Allan Herschell Carousel (look up hours because it’s often closed), baseball fields, multipurpose fields, and many places to rent out (meeting rooms, fields, reception hall, picnic shelters, and more).
4. Pullen Park - Raleigh, NC
This might be my son’s favorite park, and it really is a gem. My only complaint is that it can get really, really crowded, which means that you have to keep a close eye on your kids at the playground.
Pullen Park is dubbed an amusement park and looks like one as you walk in. You can really make a day out of this park by renting a pedal boat, riding the carousel, riding the train, and riding the little mini boats that go in a circle. Stop for lunch at the cafe. And then stroll over the bridges and walk alongside the pond and view Japanese inspired trees, resting at the many benches or picnic areas
There are four areas to the playground:
Pullen Park is dubbed an amusement park and looks like one as you walk in. You can really make a day out of this park by renting a pedal boat, riding the carousel, riding the train, and riding the little mini boats that go in a circle. Stop for lunch at the cafe. And then stroll over the bridges and walk alongside the pond and view Japanese inspired trees, resting at the many benches or picnic areas
There are four areas to the playground:
- Swing Area: (All ages) 10 traditional belt swings for all ages, 1 preschool full-bucket seat swing, 1 accessible molded bucket swing, and 1 tire swing
- School Age Climb and Slide: (5-12 years old) 2 universally accessible slides, 6 climbing opportunities, 1 see-saw, and 1 shade structure
- Sand Play: (2-12 years old) 2 sand diggers, 1 accessible sand digger, 2 shade structures, 1 playhouse, Music making equipment and stage, and 1 accessible spring platform
- Preschool Playground: (2-5 years old) Enclosed by a positive barrier of fence and vegetation, 3 slides,1 preschool full-bucket seat swing,1 accessible molded bucket swing, 1 see-saw, stepping stones, and 2 shade structures
- Tennis courts
- Athletic fields
- Arts Center
- Theatre in the Park
- Shelters and Rentals
- Stage and event lawn
- Aquatic Center
5. Lake Benson Park - Garner, NC
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We really like this park. Although it is very closeby to our house, I still would probably visit if not.
The park has three separate playgrounds and a gigantic field where you can catch people playing flag football, frisbee, or tag on a nice day.
There is a trail that runs throughout the whole park. Some of it is paved and the other is not and in the woods. Some of the trails connect to another park, White Deer Park, which makes the list too.
There are shelters for rent and a place where you can rent kayaks or motorized boats which we have done twice and enjoyed. My only wish was that the park had a little beach where we could have docked the boats or my son to have played in the sand.
However, the park does have some good community events such as the Easter and 4th of July events.
The park has three separate playgrounds and a gigantic field where you can catch people playing flag football, frisbee, or tag on a nice day.
There is a trail that runs throughout the whole park. Some of it is paved and the other is not and in the woods. Some of the trails connect to another park, White Deer Park, which makes the list too.
There are shelters for rent and a place where you can rent kayaks or motorized boats which we have done twice and enjoyed. My only wish was that the park had a little beach where we could have docked the boats or my son to have played in the sand.
However, the park does have some good community events such as the Easter and 4th of July events.
6. Lake Crabtree Park - Raleigh, NC
This park is close to being at the top of my favorites. It has everything my son loves - a beach near the lake, trails, and a playground.
It has a lot of things I love too - hiking/walking trails, boat rentals, and I even took my SUP out on the lake.
Other features include:
It has a lot of things I love too - hiking/walking trails, boat rentals, and I even took my SUP out on the lake.
Other features include:
- Gardens
- Open play areas
- Picnic shelters
- Restrooms
- Fishing
- Educational programs
- Bicycling/mountain biking trails
- Bike skills area
- Boating
- Volleyball
7. Peach Road Park - Raleigh, NC
This park is severely underrated, and I doubt many people in the Triangle Area know about it. While it is a humble neighborhood park, which was located right next to my old neighborhood, and doesn’t have the features of the much larger parks we already talked about, it still is a nice little gem.
For starters, it isn’t crowded. Secondly, if you are like me and try to take your kids to diverse parks in order for your kids to play with and see kids of different races, this park is located in a mostly Latinx community and has a cultural center with classes and programs.
The park also has three courts: basketball court, handball court, and futsal pitch (a fast-paced variant of soccer). It also has a multipurpose field.
There are two playground sections. One is for kids ages 2-5 and the other is for ages 5-12. I believe there is a sand pit.
While the kids play, parents can utilize the adult fitness stations.
Lastly, there are some really cool artwork and murals throughout the park.
Don’t sleep on this park.
For starters, it isn’t crowded. Secondly, if you are like me and try to take your kids to diverse parks in order for your kids to play with and see kids of different races, this park is located in a mostly Latinx community and has a cultural center with classes and programs.
The park also has three courts: basketball court, handball court, and futsal pitch (a fast-paced variant of soccer). It also has a multipurpose field.
There are two playground sections. One is for kids ages 2-5 and the other is for ages 5-12. I believe there is a sand pit.
While the kids play, parents can utilize the adult fitness stations.
Lastly, there are some really cool artwork and murals throughout the park.
Don’t sleep on this park.
8. Buffaloe Road Athletic Park - Raleigh, NC
While the playground isn’t the main feature of this park and really isn’t anything special, I like this park for its unique indoor water aquatic center. It has three waterslides, a lazy river, lap lanes, and a wading splash pad area for little kids. It really isn’t that expensive to get in either.
Other than that, the park has lots of baseball fields, a dog park, and an outdoor track.
Plus, it’s conveniently located next to a number of Greenway access points.
Other than that, the park has lots of baseball fields, a dog park, and an outdoor track.
Plus, it’s conveniently located next to a number of Greenway access points.
9. Millbrook Exchange Park - Raleigh, NC
This park has a lot to offer: community center with gymnasium, fitness center, programs and class; tennis courts; dog park; shelters; basketball courts; playground; and baseball and softball fields.
But why we love the park is mainly for its pool. There is an indoor section opened year round where my son took swimming lessons once. Then, the outdoor part is a wading pool and sprayground that is opened seasonally. In the summer, you can bounce back and forth from the indoor, big pool to the outdoor wading pool.
But why we love the park is mainly for its pool. There is an indoor section opened year round where my son took swimming lessons once. Then, the outdoor part is a wading pool and sprayground that is opened seasonally. In the summer, you can bounce back and forth from the indoor, big pool to the outdoor wading pool.
10. Laurel Hills Park - Sassafras All Children’s Playground - Raleigh, NC
Laurel Hills Park has a community center with gym, dance studio, classes and more plus numerous shelters, fields, and courts.
But the main attraction is the Sassafras All Children’s Playground, the creme de la creme of playgrounds.
Taken straight from its description…
The 3.5-acre site includes a playground for children of all abilities and provides a variety of play experiences. The new playground increases the available activity area considerably. In addition to conventional play equipment such as swings and slides, the playground also features unique elements including basketball court with adjustable hoop height, accessible elevated decking, and a pair of 50-foot-long zip-lines.
Warning: It does get crowded.
But the main attraction is the Sassafras All Children’s Playground, the creme de la creme of playgrounds.
Taken straight from its description…
The 3.5-acre site includes a playground for children of all abilities and provides a variety of play experiences. The new playground increases the available activity area considerably. In addition to conventional play equipment such as swings and slides, the playground also features unique elements including basketball court with adjustable hoop height, accessible elevated decking, and a pair of 50-foot-long zip-lines.
Warning: It does get crowded.
11. Knightdale Station - Knightdale, NC
Go for the Splash Pad. Stay for the cute barnyard playground.
I love the Splash Pad. It’s conveniently enclosed, so you don’t have to worry about little kids wandering away. There was a shaded spot for me to sit and watch my son play. I brought snacks and we had a great time.
The playground was cute and had some unique features.
We didn’t explore much else of this park, but you don’t really have to.
I love the Splash Pad. It’s conveniently enclosed, so you don’t have to worry about little kids wandering away. There was a shaded spot for me to sit and watch my son play. I brought snacks and we had a great time.
The playground was cute and had some unique features.
We didn’t explore much else of this park, but you don’t really have to.
Honorable mention - White Deer Park - Garner, NC
This is a sleepy little park located across from much busier park, Lake Benson.
But this park has a natural playground and an actual playground plus a nature center and Greenway trails.
I think this park is great if you’re looking for kids to connect with nature.
But this park has a natural playground and an actual playground plus a nature center and Greenway trails.
I think this park is great if you’re looking for kids to connect with nature.
I hope this list inspires you to get out and enjoy all the parks and recreation the Triangle Area has to offer. They are great places for families to explore. Have fun!
Read More - Why I love Raleigh
Read More - Why I love Raleigh
| | Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 2x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge and children's book, Henry's Hiccups, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram and get her free parenting checklists. |
Do you feel completely overwhelmed at the prospect of potty training your kid? Especially potty training boys?
I’m sure you heard that potty training boys is more difficult than potty training girls and how to potty train a boy or how to start potty training a boy might be a recurring question you’re asking yourself right now.
Potty training is a rite of passage for parents. It is a frequent search in Google with over 63 million results.
And I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be so daunting as the internet or other people make it out to seem. Sure, at times it isn’t easy and can be, frankly, downright hard, but it doesn’t have to be impossible and such a terrible experience.
Take it from me. I potty trained my son and lived to write about it.
In this blog, you’ll get a 7 month guide on how I started potty training my son at 2 years old. You’ll get information on the best potty training supplies to buy, the process I used to get my son to go to the bathroom, mistakes I made, tips that worked, and information on pooping.
Let’s dive right in.
Lauren Barrett Writes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Read more about these links in my disclosure policy.
Month 1
*If you don’t want to take this month by month, you can take it week by week*
Potty training for me started long before I even put my son on the potty. I wanted to go into it with a solid plan of action and research on my side.
So month 1, I simply read a potty training book and mapped out my plan.
For me, I follow The Mom Psychologist on Instagram and really resonate with her parenting style. When I learned that she had written a book, The First-Time Parent’s Guide to Potty Training, I jumped right on it and bought it.
After reading it, I had a good idea of how potty training implementation would go, and I charted my steps for each month.
For you, you might consider other books, courses, or articles. Either way, use Month 1 to have the knowledge of what you’re going to do.
It’s good to do the research, so you can learn if your kids are physiologically and physically ready to use the bathroom.
Potty training for me started long before I even put my son on the potty. I wanted to go into it with a solid plan of action and research on my side.
So month 1, I simply read a potty training book and mapped out my plan.
For me, I follow The Mom Psychologist on Instagram and really resonate with her parenting style. When I learned that she had written a book, The First-Time Parent’s Guide to Potty Training, I jumped right on it and bought it.
After reading it, I had a good idea of how potty training implementation would go, and I charted my steps for each month.
For you, you might consider other books, courses, or articles. Either way, use Month 1 to have the knowledge of what you’re going to do.
It’s good to do the research, so you can learn if your kids are physiologically and physically ready to use the bathroom.
Month 2
This month was all about introducing the potty to my son. I put a kids potty in my son’s room, and I would reference it.
I wouldn’t make him sit on it. I would just talk about it or casually bring it up.
“Oh, look there is a potty. That’s where you pee and poop.”
You do nothing more this month.
I wouldn’t make him sit on it. I would just talk about it or casually bring it up.
“Oh, look there is a potty. That’s where you pee and poop.”
You do nothing more this month.
Month 3
The focus of this month was reading books related to potty training. I went to the library and scoured the shelves for any and all books on potty training and body parts.
We would read the books, talk about going to the bathroom, and continue to point out the potty in his room.
Again, I never forced my son to sit on the potty. I let him take the reins when it came to that.
We would read the books, talk about going to the bathroom, and continue to point out the potty in his room.
Again, I never forced my son to sit on the potty. I let him take the reins when it came to that.
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Month 4
This month, we added in videos of potty training. We watched cartoons, songs, and real life clips on YouTube of potty training.
We continued to talk about potty training when it came up in everyday conversation. Like when I or my husband had to use the bathroom.
Once again, the potty remained in my son’s room, and he always had the invitation to use it if he liked.
We continued to talk about potty training when it came up in everyday conversation. Like when I or my husband had to use the bathroom.
Once again, the potty remained in my son’s room, and he always had the invitation to use it if he liked.
Month 5
We were getting closer to the actual days of potty training, but we still weren’t ready yet. During this month, we role-played and helped my son build his confidence with potty training.
I used his stuffed animals and acted like they had to use the bathroom. I acted out the steps of going to the potty by having them get the potty feeling, go to the bathroom, pull down their pants, and go! I used water and raisins to act as pee and poop.
We did lots of role-playing this month to prepare my son for his turn to use the bathroom.
I used his stuffed animals and acted like they had to use the bathroom. I acted out the steps of going to the potty by having them get the potty feeling, go to the bathroom, pull down their pants, and go! I used water and raisins to act as pee and poop.
We did lots of role-playing this month to prepare my son for his turn to use the bathroom.
Month 6
This month was the month that we prepared for the Big Day.
Some key points that we talked about this month:
Some key points that we talked about this month:
- Only you know when you have to use the bathroom.
- How to recognize the feeling of having to go.
- What the Big Day would be like and what we would do.
- Signs associated with potty training to help make the process easier.
Month 7
During this month you want to gather your supplies, which I will list below, and pick three days where you and your partner/spouse do not have a lot of obligations and one of you, if not both, can stay at home for most of the day.
Now, you can feel confident that your son is ready to learn to use the potty!
Now, you can feel confident that your son is ready to learn to use the potty!
Supplies
Before the Big 3 Days gather your supplies…
- Stand alone mini potty
- Seat reducer
- Flushable wipes
- Step stool
- Waterproof mat for the carpet
- Portable potty for car rides
- Easy to remove clothes
- Reward chart
- Reward treat
- Food coloring
- Rubber ducky
- Lots of liquids and foods high in fiber
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The Big Three Days
The day has arrived and your child (and you) might be feeling a ton of emotions. That’s okay!
Validate their feelings and then get started.
Validate their feelings and then get started.
Day 1
On this day, your child goes completely naked from the waist down and you’re not going to leave the house.
Soooo….I suggest you set up some premade activities or be okay with some extra screen time because potty training can make for an endless day.
That’s also why it is nice to have a partner involved in this process today, so the two of you can take turns taking breaks because, trust me, you’re going to need them.
The rules of this day are simple:
Soooo….I suggest you set up some premade activities or be okay with some extra screen time because potty training can make for an endless day.
That’s also why it is nice to have a partner involved in this process today, so the two of you can take turns taking breaks because, trust me, you’re going to need them.
The rules of this day are simple:
- Instruct your child that when they get the “potty feeling” to go on the potty. Make sure the potty is easily accessible.
- When your son goes on the potty, give him a treat right away.
- If they start going on the floor, try to catch them midway and carry them over to the potty. If they finish their peering on the potty, give them a treat right away.
- If they go on the floor, do not yell or shame. Tell them that it’s okay but remind them that the peeing and pooping are for the potty.
- Load them up with liquids and fruits and fiber to give them plenty of opportunities to use the potty.
- Use the gossiping strategy at the end of the day.
- *Extra* Give them a certificate for completing Day 1.
Day 2
This day is exactly the same as Day 1, but you’ll do a 15-20 minute excursion outside. Maybe to the playground or to take a walk around the block.
Day 3
Day 3 is the same as Day 2, but you’re going to add in a longer outside excursion AND you are going to put underwear and loose fitting pants on your boy.
Pro Tips for Potty Training
Here are my best tips for potty training boys (and girls):
1. Put food coloring in the potty
Show your son that you’re putting food coloring in the potty and use this script…
“Look, I put a red drop in the potty. Turn your pee red! Look, your pee is red! What color do you want to make your pee next time?”
2. The Diaper Steps for Peeing and Pooping
If you have kids who scream for their diapers (mine did for pooping), try the diaper steps.
Do each step for about 3-7 days before removing onto the next step. Always, talk to them about the next step before doing it.
“Ohh! Tomorrow, we’re going to cut a hole in your diaper. You’ll pee through the hole in your diaper. So fun! How do you feel about that?”
3. The Rubber Ducky Trick
Okay, this is kind of gross, but it worked. We would put a plastic rubber ducky in the potty and tell my son to make him float in the “water.”
Giving kids a goal that they feel proud of makes them feel confident to continue.
4. Reward Charts
I’ll be honest, reward charts can be tiring because you have to be super consistent, but they can work.
I actually used them later on in the potty training process. My son had mastered the art of going to the potty, but he was still having accidents here and there and wasn’t pooping consistently on the potty.
So, what I did was write down the steps I wanted him to accomplish:
For each one he did, he got a star and so many stars equaled a prize/treat/reward that we determined together.
You can cater this to your experience however you want.
Maybe for you, your son gets a star on his chart (or a sticker or a checkmark on his hand) every time he just pees on the potty. So many stars at the end of the day equals a prize.
Increase the criteria as your child improves → He has to get more stars per day or a prize comes every other day instead of everyday.
Finally, gradually reduce how often you give a reward until you aren’t handing them out anymore.
5. On and Off
This was kind of a mistake we made. I highly suggest the potty be an on and off thing instead of a lingering on kind of thing.
I wouldn’t place your child on the potty and instruct him to sit there until he goes. We really want our kids to recognize when they have to go and then go and be done with it.
That’s why I recommend no screens or books or games or sitting there holding their hands.
Forcing them to go or sit on the potty for too long will create a negative association with the potty and generally lead to more resistance.
6. No more diapers or pull-ups
Once your kids are developmentally ready to use the potty, do not go back to diapers, pull-ups or anything that looks or feels like a diaper except for nighttime and naps.
Kids need consistency and going back to diapers or pull-ups will be confusing.
Stick to underwear even if the accidents are annoying in the short term. It will be better in the long run.
Here are some thicker underwear that cause less of a mess.
. 7. Character Underwear
Buy your child his favorite character underwear - Paw Patrol, Batman, Mickey Mouse - and instruct him not to get Chase (insert character here) wet. “Help keep them dry.”
1. Put food coloring in the potty
Show your son that you’re putting food coloring in the potty and use this script…
“Look, I put a red drop in the potty. Turn your pee red! Look, your pee is red! What color do you want to make your pee next time?”
2. The Diaper Steps for Peeing and Pooping
If you have kids who scream for their diapers (mine did for pooping), try the diaper steps.
- Step 1: They can wear their diapers, but they have to be in the bathroom.
- Step 2: They can wear their diapers, but they have to sit on the potty.
- Step 3: They can wear their diapers, but there is a hole in the diaper.
- Step 4: No diaper!
Do each step for about 3-7 days before removing onto the next step. Always, talk to them about the next step before doing it.
“Ohh! Tomorrow, we’re going to cut a hole in your diaper. You’ll pee through the hole in your diaper. So fun! How do you feel about that?”
3. The Rubber Ducky Trick
Okay, this is kind of gross, but it worked. We would put a plastic rubber ducky in the potty and tell my son to make him float in the “water.”
Giving kids a goal that they feel proud of makes them feel confident to continue.
4. Reward Charts
I’ll be honest, reward charts can be tiring because you have to be super consistent, but they can work.
I actually used them later on in the potty training process. My son had mastered the art of going to the potty, but he was still having accidents here and there and wasn’t pooping consistently on the potty.
So, what I did was write down the steps I wanted him to accomplish:
- Pull down your pants on his own.
- Pee.
- Pull up pants on his own.
- Flush.
- Wash Hands.
- Poop in the potty.
For each one he did, he got a star and so many stars equaled a prize/treat/reward that we determined together.
You can cater this to your experience however you want.
Maybe for you, your son gets a star on his chart (or a sticker or a checkmark on his hand) every time he just pees on the potty. So many stars at the end of the day equals a prize.
Increase the criteria as your child improves → He has to get more stars per day or a prize comes every other day instead of everyday.
Finally, gradually reduce how often you give a reward until you aren’t handing them out anymore.
5. On and Off
This was kind of a mistake we made. I highly suggest the potty be an on and off thing instead of a lingering on kind of thing.
I wouldn’t place your child on the potty and instruct him to sit there until he goes. We really want our kids to recognize when they have to go and then go and be done with it.
That’s why I recommend no screens or books or games or sitting there holding their hands.
Forcing them to go or sit on the potty for too long will create a negative association with the potty and generally lead to more resistance.
6. No more diapers or pull-ups
Once your kids are developmentally ready to use the potty, do not go back to diapers, pull-ups or anything that looks or feels like a diaper except for nighttime and naps.
Kids need consistency and going back to diapers or pull-ups will be confusing.
Stick to underwear even if the accidents are annoying in the short term. It will be better in the long run.
Here are some thicker underwear that cause less of a mess.
. 7. Character Underwear
Buy your child his favorite character underwear - Paw Patrol, Batman, Mickey Mouse - and instruct him not to get Chase (insert character here) wet. “Help keep them dry.”
Mistakes I Made With Potty Training
Everyone makes mistakes. Here are mine…
My son was very scared to poop. He would hold it so badly that he became very constipated. At first, we tried to force him to go which was pretty traumatizing for him and made his constipation worse. We wouldn’t do this again. Instead we would do the Diaper Steps in the first place, which ended up working for us later on.
The timing was slightly off, especially with getting him to poop. I started the Big 3 Days in August since I am a teacher and off for the summer.
However, shortly after those Big 3 Days, I went back to work, we sold our house, moved into our son’s grandparents’ house, and then 2 months later moved into our new house.
The timing will never be perfect, but he had to undergo a lot of transitions that can make potty training difficult.
Try to avoid potty training when it closely coincides with a big transition like a new baby or moving.
My son was very scared to poop. He would hold it so badly that he became very constipated. At first, we tried to force him to go which was pretty traumatizing for him and made his constipation worse. We wouldn’t do this again. Instead we would do the Diaper Steps in the first place, which ended up working for us later on.
The timing was slightly off, especially with getting him to poop. I started the Big 3 Days in August since I am a teacher and off for the summer.
However, shortly after those Big 3 Days, I went back to work, we sold our house, moved into our son’s grandparents’ house, and then 2 months later moved into our new house.
The timing will never be perfect, but he had to undergo a lot of transitions that can make potty training difficult.
Try to avoid potty training when it closely coincides with a big transition like a new baby or moving.
Success!
Hopefully with this guide and tips, you’re successfully on your way to potty training. Remember your son will continue to have accidents. They won’t be perfect.
They might get caught up in playing and forget to go or go through some regressions.
Be gentle with them.
If you are still having extreme problems, check in with your doctor to see if they are developmentally ready.
But other than that, praise them and yourself for all your hard efforts.
And check out my course Now What? for strategies for some of life’s other difficult parenting moments.
They might get caught up in playing and forget to go or go through some regressions.
Be gentle with them.
If you are still having extreme problems, check in with your doctor to see if they are developmentally ready.
But other than that, praise them and yourself for all your hard efforts.
And check out my course Now What? for strategies for some of life’s other difficult parenting moments.
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Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 2x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge and children's book, Henry's Hiccups, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram and get her free parenting checklists.
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It’s no surprise that society likes to joke about the tired mom.
TV shows play homage to her by having her mistakenly leave the house in her pajamas, robe, and slippers. Mom buns is now a common phrase. And we’ve all seen memes or pictures of a mom with huge bags under her eyes as she juggles the laundry, her kids pulling her in different directions, and trying to talk on the phone.
But a tired mom is no laughing matter. Sleep deprivation has serious side effects.
Difficulties with sleep and insomnia can linger far after the newborn phase. The tired mom, so weary from the day, collapses on her bed, and the next thing she knows she is unable to fall asleep. It’s frustrating.
I know because I’ve been there. I struggled with insomnia and sleep anxiety for many months. The rest of my house lay asleep peacefully while I tossed and turned with sheer panic.
It’s awful, and if you’re going through this, you’re not alone, and I have some tips for you.
*DISCLAIMER: The information and advice in this blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical, mental health, legal, or other professions. Call your medical or mental health professional, or 911, for all emergencies. Lauren Barrett is not liable for any advice or information provided in this blog.
TV shows play homage to her by having her mistakenly leave the house in her pajamas, robe, and slippers. Mom buns is now a common phrase. And we’ve all seen memes or pictures of a mom with huge bags under her eyes as she juggles the laundry, her kids pulling her in different directions, and trying to talk on the phone.
But a tired mom is no laughing matter. Sleep deprivation has serious side effects.
Difficulties with sleep and insomnia can linger far after the newborn phase. The tired mom, so weary from the day, collapses on her bed, and the next thing she knows she is unable to fall asleep. It’s frustrating.
I know because I’ve been there. I struggled with insomnia and sleep anxiety for many months. The rest of my house lay asleep peacefully while I tossed and turned with sheer panic.
It’s awful, and if you’re going through this, you’re not alone, and I have some tips for you.
*DISCLAIMER: The information and advice in this blog is for educational purposes only and is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical, mental health, legal, or other professions. Call your medical or mental health professional, or 911, for all emergencies. Lauren Barrett is not liable for any advice or information provided in this blog.
#1 Don’t Eat After 8PM.
When we put our head down on the pillow, we don’t want to have to worry about anything other than sleeping. Eating after 8PM can lead to digestive issues that can disrupt our sleeping.
When I was having trouble with sleep, I didn’t want any external factors to get in the way, so I eliminated eating after 8PM.
When I was having trouble with sleep, I didn’t want any external factors to get in the way, so I eliminated eating after 8PM.
#2 Limit Drinking
Despite the classic stereotypes of tired moms “needing” wine to unwind before bed, I learned that drinking alcohol up to four hours before bed can mess with one’s sleep.
If I did happen to drink, I would limit myself to one glass. Tired moms, there are plenty of other ways to unwind before bed. Don’t let society fool you into thinking that drinking is one of them.
The best thing for an overwhelmed, stressed out mom is sleep. Let’s not jeopardize it by drinking.
If I did happen to drink, I would limit myself to one glass. Tired moms, there are plenty of other ways to unwind before bed. Don’t let society fool you into thinking that drinking is one of them.
The best thing for an overwhelmed, stressed out mom is sleep. Let’s not jeopardize it by drinking.
#3 Set the Mood
Sleep hygiene is so important for adults and kids too. Just like it’s hard for me to go to sleep right after exercising or being on my phone for a while, I can’t be expected to go to bed after watching a stimulating TV show or vigorously texting.
That’s why it is so important to set the mood in order to eliminate bedtime struggles.
Setting the mood can look like this:
By setting the mood, we are preparing ourselves for sleep and getting ourselves to feel tired.
Even if I find myself getting home late or doing something stimulating later in the evening than normal, I have to take at least a half hour to an hour to unwind out of bed and bedroom.
Tired moms need that time to be by themselves and have some peace and quiet after the chaos and noise of the day.
That’s why it is so important to set the mood in order to eliminate bedtime struggles.
Setting the mood can look like this:
- Dimming all the lights at least a half hour before bed.
- Shutting off the TV right before bedtime.
- Lowering the temperature.
- Switching on a calming music from the sound machine.
- Speaking in softer, hushed voices.
- Lowering the volume on all sounds.
- Take a warm shower.
By setting the mood, we are preparing ourselves for sleep and getting ourselves to feel tired.
Even if I find myself getting home late or doing something stimulating later in the evening than normal, I have to take at least a half hour to an hour to unwind out of bed and bedroom.
Tired moms need that time to be by themselves and have some peace and quiet after the chaos and noise of the day.
#4 Avoid Screens after 9PM
There is a big reason why turning off screens after 9PM is the first thing on my list for my Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge. Seeing as sleep is one of, if not the, most important things we can do for our bodies, we need to make sure our bodies are ready for sleep when we go to lie down.
Screens, especially the blue light from our phones and I-pads, can mess with proper sleep. I find that after scrolling social media or going down a rabbit hole on Wikipedia or texting away with a friend, I have a harder time going to sleep.
That is why I turn on Do Not Disturb for 9:00 PM-6:00 AM. I like to have at least an hour away from my phone before bed.
Does this mean that I never check my phone? No. I just don’t engage in any activity that has me staring at it for too long.
As for TV screens, I like to turn off the TV about a half hour before I go to sleep.
Screens, especially the blue light from our phones and I-pads, can mess with proper sleep. I find that after scrolling social media or going down a rabbit hole on Wikipedia or texting away with a friend, I have a harder time going to sleep.
That is why I turn on Do Not Disturb for 9:00 PM-6:00 AM. I like to have at least an hour away from my phone before bed.
Does this mean that I never check my phone? No. I just don’t engage in any activity that has me staring at it for too long.
As for TV screens, I like to turn off the TV about a half hour before I go to sleep.
#5 Take Melatonin
I think the research on melatonin can be a little vague at times, but I still like to take 1-2 before bed even if only to serve as a placebo effect.
I chew these about a half hour before bed and let them work their magic.
I chew these about a half hour before bed and let them work their magic.
#6 The Bedroom is for Sleeping
I’ve started to spend less time in my bedroom and my bed is only for sleeping and well…
Research has shown that the more time spent in our bedtime the more sleep difficulties we’ll have later in the night.
So Moms, get out of your bedrooms. There is no wonder that houses are starting to put more real estate value on outdoor spaces instead of bedrooms.
After moving into our new house, we even have said that the bedroom will be the last room in the house we make over simply because we hardly spend time there.
Research has shown that the more time spent in our bedtime the more sleep difficulties we’ll have later in the night.
So Moms, get out of your bedrooms. There is no wonder that houses are starting to put more real estate value on outdoor spaces instead of bedrooms.
After moving into our new house, we even have said that the bedroom will be the last room in the house we make over simply because we hardly spend time there.
#7 Find the Good and Take Deep Breaths
A large part surrounding my difficulties sleeping was because I was so anxious about not sleeping. I would be tired, but as soon as I got into bed, I would start worrying and wondering if I would be able to sleep. The more I worried and wondered, the more I couldn’t sleep. It was a vicious cycle.
For that reason, I had to develop some mindful thinking and meditative practice for bed. For me, that was slowing down my breathing and taking a few deep breaths while I used a strategy called Finding the Good.
I would go through my day and pick out all the good things that happened. I would also ruminate on the good things of the future. Our minds have been trained to quickly go to all that can go wrong and all the negatives that happened that we have to really work to find the good.
For that reason, I had to develop some mindful thinking and meditative practice for bed. For me, that was slowing down my breathing and taking a few deep breaths while I used a strategy called Finding the Good.
I would go through my day and pick out all the good things that happened. I would also ruminate on the good things of the future. Our minds have been trained to quickly go to all that can go wrong and all the negatives that happened that we have to really work to find the good.
#8 Take Up Reading or Another Hobby Before Bed
Instead of being on screens before bed, which we know can disrupt sleep, Moms should find some hobby they could do before bed that helps take their minds off any anxiety they have.
Dooms scrolling on phones is a thing that unfortunately, I myself along with other moms have gotten caught up in.
Instead I have started reading before bed.
Other hobbies can be: scrapbooking, writing, knitting, sewing, yoga, and meditating.
Dooms scrolling on phones is a thing that unfortunately, I myself along with other moms have gotten caught up in.
Instead I have started reading before bed.
Other hobbies can be: scrapbooking, writing, knitting, sewing, yoga, and meditating.
#9 Stick to a Consistent Sleep Schedule
There is no such thing as “catching up on sleep”. Because of that, I try to wake up and go to bed roughly at the same time every night of the week, including weekends.
Your body will become used to this schedule and, in turn, be more likely to have good quality sleep.
I know, as a mom, that after the kids go to bed we only have very little precious time to a.) straighten up the house; b.) spend time with our spouse; and c.) spend time alone in “me time.” Because we want to do all that, we might fight to stay awake. This is called Revenge Bedtime Procrastination and women and college students are most affected by it.
Experts don’t recommend that moms do this because not getting enough sleep for the next day will leave moms trapped in a stressed out cycle.
Instead go to bed at consistent times and follow my bedtime tips to help the nighttime routine go smoother without so much stalling from your kids and divide those household duties with your spouse by using Fair Play And finally, don’t be afraid to do chores and cleaning while your kids are awake and give them responsibilities of chores to do.
Your body will become used to this schedule and, in turn, be more likely to have good quality sleep.
I know, as a mom, that after the kids go to bed we only have very little precious time to a.) straighten up the house; b.) spend time with our spouse; and c.) spend time alone in “me time.” Because we want to do all that, we might fight to stay awake. This is called Revenge Bedtime Procrastination and women and college students are most affected by it.
Experts don’t recommend that moms do this because not getting enough sleep for the next day will leave moms trapped in a stressed out cycle.
Instead go to bed at consistent times and follow my bedtime tips to help the nighttime routine go smoother without so much stalling from your kids and divide those household duties with your spouse by using Fair Play And finally, don’t be afraid to do chores and cleaning while your kids are awake and give them responsibilities of chores to do.
#10 Ask Your Doctor for a Pill
If you are like me, my insomnia got so bad that I had to ask my doctor for a pill. I hadn’t slept in 48 hours (turns out I was being overmedicated for my autoimmune disease - but that is a different story).
The pill worked wonders. I ended up gradually weaning myself off the pills, (That should be the purpose of most pills that alter your mind chemically) [LINK] but just knowing that I had the pills just in case helped me fall asleep faster and better.
Sometimes we need that kickstart to help us sleep. And I knew that once I started getting a few decent nights of sleep, my overall physical and mental health would improve drastically. And it did.
But have a plan to gradually get yourself off the pill by using other holistic sleeping strategies.
The pill worked wonders. I ended up gradually weaning myself off the pills, (That should be the purpose of most pills that alter your mind chemically) [LINK] but just knowing that I had the pills just in case helped me fall asleep faster and better.
Sometimes we need that kickstart to help us sleep. And I knew that once I started getting a few decent nights of sleep, my overall physical and mental health would improve drastically. And it did.
But have a plan to gradually get yourself off the pill by using other holistic sleeping strategies.
Whether you’re in the throes of sleep deprivations or just a tired mom who could use a little more sleep, I hope these tips help.
I really have empathy for people who are having trouble sleeping, and I say a prayer each night for all of you.
Allowing yourself to get enough sleep is one of the most selfless acts of love you can do for yourself and the people around you. When I get enough sleep, I’m a better mom, wife, teacher, and overall person.
Happy sleeping! Hope this post wasn’t a snooze fest.
I really have empathy for people who are having trouble sleeping, and I say a prayer each night for all of you.
Allowing yourself to get enough sleep is one of the most selfless acts of love you can do for yourself and the people around you. When I get enough sleep, I’m a better mom, wife, teacher, and overall person.
Happy sleeping! Hope this post wasn’t a snooze fest.
| | Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 2x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge and children's book, Henry's Hiccups, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram and get her free parenting checklists. |
As my two-year-old son was playing on a crowded playground, he made a quick dash to climb up a ladder. I instantly sucked in a deep breath as he lumbered his way awkwardly up the steps. The urge to jump in and help him was strong…but I held back, only staying close by in case something went terribly wrong.
As he made it to the top of the ladder and turned around to give me a smile, my heart skipped a beat with pride; I was relieved that I had held back and allowed him to figure it out himself.
This post originally appeared on A Fine Parent.
It is a natural instinct for parents to want to protect their children from adversity. While my son is young and adversity comes in the form of a playground ladder, I can imagine how this will shift and evolve as my son gets older. Learning basic motor skills and tackling self-care will move to making friends, being successful in school, overcoming peer pressure…and the list just goes on.
Our children MUST learn how to be resilient in order to find success and overcome the obstacles they will face as a human. If we sweep in to save our children from every bit of difficulty, we actually do them a disservice. We send the message that when life gets tough, someone will always help you out of it and that failure is a scary and negative thing.
In reality, one of the best things we can do for our children is to allow them to struggle, as it provides the chance to reframe failure. Every hard moment or struggle is an opportunity to learn resilience!
Resiliency does not usually come naturally to our kids. We, as parents, can help them overcome difficulty – although this may also not come naturally to us! Most of us likely say or do things, at times, that unintentionally get in the way of raising gritty, independent kids. Here are 5 things we should stop doing right now to raise resilient kids!
As he made it to the top of the ladder and turned around to give me a smile, my heart skipped a beat with pride; I was relieved that I had held back and allowed him to figure it out himself.
This post originally appeared on A Fine Parent.
It is a natural instinct for parents to want to protect their children from adversity. While my son is young and adversity comes in the form of a playground ladder, I can imagine how this will shift and evolve as my son gets older. Learning basic motor skills and tackling self-care will move to making friends, being successful in school, overcoming peer pressure…and the list just goes on.
Our children MUST learn how to be resilient in order to find success and overcome the obstacles they will face as a human. If we sweep in to save our children from every bit of difficulty, we actually do them a disservice. We send the message that when life gets tough, someone will always help you out of it and that failure is a scary and negative thing.
In reality, one of the best things we can do for our children is to allow them to struggle, as it provides the chance to reframe failure. Every hard moment or struggle is an opportunity to learn resilience!
Resiliency does not usually come naturally to our kids. We, as parents, can help them overcome difficulty – although this may also not come naturally to us! Most of us likely say or do things, at times, that unintentionally get in the way of raising gritty, independent kids. Here are 5 things we should stop doing right now to raise resilient kids!
Stop: Saying “Be Careful”
I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has had a playground moment in which the “be careful” has been on the tip of your tongue a million times over. If you are anything like me, you are not always successful in biting your tongue.
Children learn best through interactions with the world and sometimes those interactions are through risks. While we certainly want our kids to be safe, the phrase “be careful” doesn’t help with that because:
Instead, we want to expose our children to difficulty and risks while also managing to guide them through it safely.
Let’s go back to our playground example. When we see our kid looking to climb up a ladder, we can walk (or scurry!) quickly over to them and say something like:
“Wow, you are taking a risk! You got this. Tell me about your plan to get up. What’s next? Are you going to grip onto the ladder tightly and pay close attention to where you put your feet? Ok good. Does this feel safe to you? I will be right here watching if you start to feel not safe. Otherwise, I believe in you to get all the way to the top.”
Let’s break this down to understand the importance of the key phrases:
Eliminating “be careful” from our vocabulary won’t happen overnight, but we can start to practice other ways to offer support and overtime, our confidence in allowing our kids to take risks will start to grow.
Children learn best through interactions with the world and sometimes those interactions are through risks. While we certainly want our kids to be safe, the phrase “be careful” doesn’t help with that because:
- What does “be careful” even mean to a child? For a young child especially, they don’t have the skills yet to know how to be careful.
- Once we yell “be careful,” the confidence our children once had could turn to fear that they are going to fail.
Instead, we want to expose our children to difficulty and risks while also managing to guide them through it safely.
Let’s go back to our playground example. When we see our kid looking to climb up a ladder, we can walk (or scurry!) quickly over to them and say something like:
“Wow, you are taking a risk! You got this. Tell me about your plan to get up. What’s next? Are you going to grip onto the ladder tightly and pay close attention to where you put your feet? Ok good. Does this feel safe to you? I will be right here watching if you start to feel not safe. Otherwise, I believe in you to get all the way to the top.”
Let’s break this down to understand the importance of the key phrases:
- “Wow, you are taking a risk!” By using the word “wow” and defining that climbing a ladder is a risk, we are letting our child know that risks are good and they should take them.
- “You got this.” We are showing our child that we have confidence in them.
- “Tell me about your plan to get up. What’s next?” This is our alternative to be careful. We are letting our toddler know that when we take risks, we need to have a plan of action. We shouldn’t go blindly into them.
- “Are you going to grip onto the ladder tightly and pay close attention to where you put your feet? Ok good.” We are giving our child specific ways to be safe while climbing the ladder. This is especially important when the risk they are taking is also a first-time experience…and can be faded as the novelty of the challenge wears out!
- “Does this feel safe to you? I will be right here watching if you start to feel not safe.” We are teaching our child to check in with their body. If they don’t feel safe, they should listen to that feeling. We are also reassuring them of our presence in case safety becomes compromised.
- “Otherwise, I believe in you to get all the way to the top.” We are bringing our confidence in them full circle, ending where we started.
Eliminating “be careful” from our vocabulary won’t happen overnight, but we can start to practice other ways to offer support and overtime, our confidence in allowing our kids to take risks will start to grow.
Stop: Providing Constant Entertainment
One of my favorite authors, Matthew Kelly, constantly discusses how we need to sit in the classroom of silence. It is there where we can find the answer to some of life’s greatest questions and challenges. We can sit with our thoughts and come up with solutions or think up new ideas.
The same is true for our children. They don’t need constant entertainment handed to them; doing so will create a roadblock to building resiliency.
The modern world of TVs, phones, devices, the belief that children need to be involved in 1.34 million extracurricular activities, and then the parenting guilt that can make us feel we are failing if we don’t constantly provide games and activities for our children to engage in can greatly interfere with allowing a child to be bored.
Allowing our children to be bored is actually a good thing. Here’s why:
When we allow our kids to be bored, we may actually start to see personalities that are far from boring because our kids have had a chance to explore the world and tap into resiliency skills.
The same is true for our children. They don’t need constant entertainment handed to them; doing so will create a roadblock to building resiliency.
The modern world of TVs, phones, devices, the belief that children need to be involved in 1.34 million extracurricular activities, and then the parenting guilt that can make us feel we are failing if we don’t constantly provide games and activities for our children to engage in can greatly interfere with allowing a child to be bored.
Allowing our children to be bored is actually a good thing. Here’s why:
- Boredom helps develop curiosity: Being bored allows kids to make discoveries about the world around them. They start to become curious and ask questions, which can lead to the exploration of new ideas. What can we do instead? Try limiting screen time, especially in places like the grocery store, dinnertime, car rides, and other places that could prompt curiosity and exploration.
- Boredom helps develop creativity: A study has recently found that creativity has started to decline in children. Children who constantly have full schedules and devices to distract their brains are not having the time or opportunity to foster their creativity. That means they need time to play pretend and problem solve with what they have right in front of them. What can we do instead? Try allowing more unstructured play time each day
- Boredom helps develop independence: When we take the lead to fill up kids’ time with activities and entertainment, we aren’t giving kids a chance to manage their own time and come up with what they want to do or play on their own. What can we do instead? Try asking your children to come up with ideas about what they want to do or play.
When we allow our kids to be bored, we may actually start to see personalities that are far from boring because our kids have had a chance to explore the world and tap into resiliency skills.
Stop: Buying Random Toys
Susie from Busy Toddler reminds us that not all toys are created equal, and it is so true! There is such a thing as good toys and bad toys. We want to buy toys that let kids lead instead of ones that do the work for them or are simply the hot new item that serves little positive purpose.
A toy that allows a child to lead is one that:
Taking the extra time to research toys and gifts instead of blindly buying whatever we first see can help ensure that the toys our children are playing with are encouraging the development of resilience.
We may also find that the best kind of play comes from engagement with materials and items that are not even considered toys. A recent Harris Interactive survey found that 95% of teachers believe that hands-on learning increases confidence, and with confidence comes resiliency. While hands-on learning is more regularly promoted within schools, it can happen at home too, and does not need to involve fancy or expensive toys. For example, we can encourage play using regular household items such as:
If you’ve ever bought your child an expensive toy only to find them playing with the box it came in, then you know that when given the opportunity, children will play with almost anything. The possibilities are endless!
A toy that allows a child to lead is one that:
- Grows with your child
- Allows your child to take the lead in unique and creative ways
- Isn’t loud, flashy, or does all the work for them
- Sturdy and durable
- Encourages pretend play
- Focuses on experiences
- Prompts memories
- Prompts storytelling
- Focuses on creative thinking
Taking the extra time to research toys and gifts instead of blindly buying whatever we first see can help ensure that the toys our children are playing with are encouraging the development of resilience.
We may also find that the best kind of play comes from engagement with materials and items that are not even considered toys. A recent Harris Interactive survey found that 95% of teachers believe that hands-on learning increases confidence, and with confidence comes resiliency. While hands-on learning is more regularly promoted within schools, it can happen at home too, and does not need to involve fancy or expensive toys. For example, we can encourage play using regular household items such as:
- Cardboard boxes, scissors and tape to make robot creations
- Blankets and furniture to make forts
- Pots, pans, and kitchen utensils to create a musical band
- Cans of food for stacking
- Spray bottles to play with outside
- Cotton balls to build a snowman
- Shaving cream on a cookie sheet
If you’ve ever bought your child an expensive toy only to find them playing with the box it came in, then you know that when given the opportunity, children will play with almost anything. The possibilities are endless!
Stop: Believing Your Example Isn’t Important
I had to caution my husband to stop using the phrases “That was stupid,” or “I’m so dumb,” whenever he would mess up. If our kids start to think that mistakes are associated with being dumb or stupid, they are less likely to take risks or try something hard for fear of being those words.
While our son has thankfully not yet repeated those phrases, I have witnessed him mimic the sounds I make when I struggle to open something like a pesky lid on a jar. I grunt, make noises like “Errrr” and start yelling at the object. I noticed my son does the same when he is trying to get his toys out of the closet, and he can’t quite get them unstuck.
Watching him copy my behavior in the face of adversity is a good reminder that if we know our kids are watching us during those moments, of course they are also watching during our less than stellar moments.
The social learning theory revolves around the idea that people learn by watching others. Perhaps the most well-known test of social learning theory and parent-child behavior is the famous Bobo doll experiment. This experiment found that children most often exhibited the same behavior towards the Bobo doll that they witnessed the adult exhibit–whether it was aggressive or kind.
Given the impact that our actions clearly have on our children, it’s time to allow them to catch us failing! Whether we really make a mistake or make a fake one to teach our child, the real lesson is letting our kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that failure can be a positive opportunity. Allowing our children to see us fail gives them (and us!) two advantages:
The next time we experience a failure (or even an opportunity to “set up” a failure), we can try these things:
Our young kids often don’t realize that we, the parents, fail too. They are only exposed to a world where they are the ones making mistakes. When we open them up to a world where everyone makes mistakes, we are teaching them failure is not a big deal and we can always try again.
While our son has thankfully not yet repeated those phrases, I have witnessed him mimic the sounds I make when I struggle to open something like a pesky lid on a jar. I grunt, make noises like “Errrr” and start yelling at the object. I noticed my son does the same when he is trying to get his toys out of the closet, and he can’t quite get them unstuck.
Watching him copy my behavior in the face of adversity is a good reminder that if we know our kids are watching us during those moments, of course they are also watching during our less than stellar moments.
The social learning theory revolves around the idea that people learn by watching others. Perhaps the most well-known test of social learning theory and parent-child behavior is the famous Bobo doll experiment. This experiment found that children most often exhibited the same behavior towards the Bobo doll that they witnessed the adult exhibit–whether it was aggressive or kind.
Given the impact that our actions clearly have on our children, it’s time to allow them to catch us failing! Whether we really make a mistake or make a fake one to teach our child, the real lesson is letting our kids know that everyone makes mistakes and that failure can be a positive opportunity. Allowing our children to see us fail gives them (and us!) two advantages:
- The opportunity to also model resilience rather than defeat
- The opportunity to normalize failure so that it does not feel so scary
The next time we experience a failure (or even an opportunity to “set up” a failure), we can try these things:
- Verbally recognize the failure. Oh man, I was putting together your new bookshelf, and I did it wrong. It’s okay. Mistakes happen.
- Verbally recognize that there is likely an emotion that comes with the failure. I feel pretty frustrated with this bookshelf.
- Then, model appropriate actions to take after the failure. I’m going to take a few deep breaths. Then, I am going to reread the directions, so I can get it right. I might even need to watch a YouTube video to teach me how to set it up. Putting this bookshelf is pretty hard, but I am confident that I will learn how to do it.
Our young kids often don’t realize that we, the parents, fail too. They are only exposed to a world where they are the ones making mistakes. When we open them up to a world where everyone makes mistakes, we are teaching them failure is not a big deal and we can always try again.
Stop: Expecting Resiliency to Happen Overnight
It can be hard to have patience with our children, especially when they are melting down over the most seemingly minute things.
When my son was learning to use the bathroom on his own he would often throw a fit about having to pull up his pants on his own. He would beg and plead for our help without putting in an ounce of effort on his own. Naturally, we were frustrated and losing patience.
Dr. Carla Naumburg, PhD stresses the importance of patience when it comes to parenting our kids through big emotions when she said:
When we get upset or frustrated and try to rush them through these challenging moments, our kids learn that their feelings aren’t safe, and they don’t learn how to effectively take care of themselves when they feel scared, angry, sad, or confused.
In working to reframe my thinking about patience, I started taking my own deep breaths and focused on showing compassion as my son learned to pull up his pants on his own–and it paid off! The patience that I gave reinforced to him that I was confident in his abilities to do the challenging task on his own.
While we can’t expect our children to learn and demonstrate resilience overnight, we can focus on giving them specific tools to practice flexibility and toughness, including:
After weeks of practice and struggle, I heard my son walk into the bathroom and shut the door. I held my breath and patiently waited. After a few minutes, he emerged triumphantly, having handled all the steps on his own. What had started out as a once frustrating and impossible feat soon became an accomplishment that my son was so proud of doing because he worked so hard at it.
If you are anything like me, many of the above tips are habits that we may not even realize we are doing! In an effort to keep our children safe and protected, we may fall into the trap of helicopter parenting without even realizing it. By being conscious in our efforts to give patience, space, time, and grace in our expectations, we can raise resilient kids that will know how to problem solve, make hard decisions, cope with rejection, and be lifelong learners.
When my son was learning to use the bathroom on his own he would often throw a fit about having to pull up his pants on his own. He would beg and plead for our help without putting in an ounce of effort on his own. Naturally, we were frustrated and losing patience.
Dr. Carla Naumburg, PhD stresses the importance of patience when it comes to parenting our kids through big emotions when she said:
When we get upset or frustrated and try to rush them through these challenging moments, our kids learn that their feelings aren’t safe, and they don’t learn how to effectively take care of themselves when they feel scared, angry, sad, or confused.
In working to reframe my thinking about patience, I started taking my own deep breaths and focused on showing compassion as my son learned to pull up his pants on his own–and it paid off! The patience that I gave reinforced to him that I was confident in his abilities to do the challenging task on his own.
While we can’t expect our children to learn and demonstrate resilience overnight, we can focus on giving them specific tools to practice flexibility and toughness, including:
- Model empathy when failure happens. Oh man, I see you are really disappointed. You wanted to do that better.
- Teach them to take deep breaths or use other calming strategies when angry or frustrated. Using a lion’s breath method may be a catchy way to get kids motivated to try deep breathing. Lion’s breath includes an inhale through the nose, followed by opening the mouth widely, stretching the tongue out of the mouth towards the chin, and then exhaling through the mouth loudly.
- Gently give a new perspective or quick tip to encourage them to try something again (without doing it for them). You could build that higher if you put the bigger blocks on the bottom and the smaller ones on top.
- Encourage children to take a break and let them know that it is okay to put something aside and try again later. Setting up a space in the house that is conducive to a calming area may be a good way of providing an outlet for a break when they need one.
- Teach them about growth mindset and phrases to use when they think they can’t do something.
- Help them realize when it is time to give up…at least for now! Some things just don’t work out despite our best efforts and attempts to learn or practicing how to do it. For the sake of their mental health, sometimes it’s best to focus on something else. It doesn’t mean that they have failed; rather that they learned to listen to their bodies and move on. Often, there is simply a missing skill that will develop naturally as a child gets older.
After weeks of practice and struggle, I heard my son walk into the bathroom and shut the door. I held my breath and patiently waited. After a few minutes, he emerged triumphantly, having handled all the steps on his own. What had started out as a once frustrating and impossible feat soon became an accomplishment that my son was so proud of doing because he worked so hard at it.
If you are anything like me, many of the above tips are habits that we may not even realize we are doing! In an effort to keep our children safe and protected, we may fall into the trap of helicopter parenting without even realizing it. By being conscious in our efforts to give patience, space, time, and grace in our expectations, we can raise resilient kids that will know how to problem solve, make hard decisions, cope with rejection, and be lifelong learners.
The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents
As you assess the current habits you may have that interfere with your child learning resiliency, take a few minutes to reflect on the following:
If you answered yes to any of the above, it may be a good indication that you and your child may benefit from a commitment to some of the above suggestions!
- Do you jump in and try to prevent your child from struggling?
- Do you solve all of your child’s problems for him/her?
- Do you use the phrase “be careful” a lot?
- How do you react to your own failures?
- What kinds of toys does your child own?
- Do you feel as if you need to constantly entertain your child with activities and screen time?
If you answered yes to any of the above, it may be a good indication that you and your child may benefit from a commitment to some of the above suggestions!
The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents
As you move forward in seeking how best to use struggle as an opportunity for your child to grow and learn, it may be helpful to assess where you are now so you can compare it to where you will be! Here is one helpful way to monitor long-term progress:
- Notice how often you use the phrase “Be careful” and work to reframe that phrase to something more helpful.
- Be mindful of how often you work to entertain your child because you don’t want him/her to be bored. Gradually cut back on the amount of screentime and structured activities you use when your child starts to get restless with boredom.
- Next, take inventory of the kinds of toys you have. Get rid of those toys that do all the work and don’t challenge or spark creativity.
- Then, set up some planned moments where you can let your child catch you making mistakes. Model the appropriate response to failure.
- Finally, throw expectations out of the window and focus instead on giving patience as your child learns how to react to their own failures and struggles.
| | Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full-time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a two-time author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge and children's book, Henry's Hiccups, and a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. |
Have you ever noticed how you feel during your child’s tantrum? Maybe you start having hot flashes or your heart beats really fast. You feel anger boiling inside you.
All those are normal reactions to your child’s tantrum.
But we have two choices from where to go from there….
We can either let our feelings escalate which usually results in our yelling at our kid, getting into power struggles, or labeling our kids with phrases like “Why are you always so bad?”
Or…
We can choose to remain calm during tantrums and curb our stressed out feelings. Easier said than done, right?
Keeping calm during tantrums isn’t always easy, but it is the right choice to make for ourselves and our kids. Here’s why…
All those are normal reactions to your child’s tantrum.
But we have two choices from where to go from there….
We can either let our feelings escalate which usually results in our yelling at our kid, getting into power struggles, or labeling our kids with phrases like “Why are you always so bad?”
Or…
We can choose to remain calm during tantrums and curb our stressed out feelings. Easier said than done, right?
Keeping calm during tantrums isn’t always easy, but it is the right choice to make for ourselves and our kids. Here’s why…
Why Do We Want to Remain Calm?
Considering your child isn’t in any danger, focus on yourself first during a tantrum.
Imagine you're flying in an airplane and you hit some turbulence and the plane starts rumbling and bumping up and down. You might feel a little scared and anxious, so you look around to see the reactions of the flight attendants and wait to see what the pilot has to say.
Now, imagine if the flight attendants and pilots started freaking out. Your anxiety would most likely escalate and cause you to freak out too. But if the pilot and flight attendants were poised and calm, you would start to relax too.
Kids are the same way during turbulent times. Kids mirror the reactions of the person in charge.
If you are calm, they will start to be calm too.
If you are upset, they will be too, and your children will realize that they have more power when they see their parents aren't calm. And that is unsettling to them. An upset, enraged parent can signal to your child that his emotions are too much for my parents.
On the other hand, a calm and confident parent lets your kids know that you can handle their big emotions and just by knowing that can help them start to feel better.
Imagine you're flying in an airplane and you hit some turbulence and the plane starts rumbling and bumping up and down. You might feel a little scared and anxious, so you look around to see the reactions of the flight attendants and wait to see what the pilot has to say.
Now, imagine if the flight attendants and pilots started freaking out. Your anxiety would most likely escalate and cause you to freak out too. But if the pilot and flight attendants were poised and calm, you would start to relax too.
Kids are the same way during turbulent times. Kids mirror the reactions of the person in charge.
If you are calm, they will start to be calm too.
If you are upset, they will be too, and your children will realize that they have more power when they see their parents aren't calm. And that is unsettling to them. An upset, enraged parent can signal to your child that his emotions are too much for my parents.
On the other hand, a calm and confident parent lets your kids know that you can handle their big emotions and just by knowing that can help them start to feel better.
How to Stay Calm During Tantrums
Staying calm during a tantrum doesn’t have to be hard when we have a toolkit of resources to use every time. With practice and consistency we can master staying calm during our child’s tantrum.
1. Take Deep Breaths
During my son’s tantrums, I will first close my eyes, put my hand on my belly, and take 5 deep, slow breaths. By doing this, I am able to block out what my son is doing and toward inward.
It gives me the needed time not to say or do anything but simply focus on calming myself. What’s great is that my son takes notice, and he might even do his magic breaths himself.
It gives me the needed time not to say or do anything but simply focus on calming myself. What’s great is that my son takes notice, and he might even do his magic breaths himself.
2. Have a Mantra
I, then, open my eyes and repeat a mantra either out loud or in my head while still keeping my hand on my belly.
Having a mantra can look like this:
“This is hard, but I will get through this.”
“I am in control of the situation.”
“I can handle this.”
A mantra will reaffirm that you are the one in control and that you are able to handle the situation. Seems obvious, but sometimes during a tantrum we let our kids take over and we quickly feel as if we are losing control.
That’s why we need a mantra.
Saying it out loud even works in calming your kids because they take notice of what is being said.
Have a go to mantra and practice saying it in the mirror and during every tantrum.
Having a mantra can look like this:
“This is hard, but I will get through this.”
“I am in control of the situation.”
“I can handle this.”
A mantra will reaffirm that you are the one in control and that you are able to handle the situation. Seems obvious, but sometimes during a tantrum we let our kids take over and we quickly feel as if we are losing control.
That’s why we need a mantra.
Saying it out loud even works in calming your kids because they take notice of what is being said.
Have a go to mantra and practice saying it in the mirror and during every tantrum.
3. Imagine Yourself in a Superhero cape
So, you have taken your deep breaths and repeated your mantra. Now have a visualization to make you remain calm.
Some moms have reported that they imagine themselves in a superhero cape. They are standing on top of a large building with their cape whipping in the wind. They have the power to hold boundaries and remain calm in the face of danger (or, in this case, a tantrum).
Do not underestimate the power of visualization.
For added effect, it would help if you have an actual superhero cape to put on. Stand on the couch and pose like a superhero. If nothing else, your child will wonder what on earth Mommy is doing.
Some moms have reported that they imagine themselves in a superhero cape. They are standing on top of a large building with their cape whipping in the wind. They have the power to hold boundaries and remain calm in the face of danger (or, in this case, a tantrum).
Do not underestimate the power of visualization.
For added effect, it would help if you have an actual superhero cape to put on. Stand on the couch and pose like a superhero. If nothing else, your child will wonder what on earth Mommy is doing.
4. Form a Bubble Around You
I like to use this bubble strategy in public because sometimes I forget that my toddler’s meltdown only involves my toddler and me. No one else.
But when we are around other people and our kid is having a meltdown, it is easy to imagine judgment from other people. That causes us to get worked up and say things like “Look at the other kids. Are they being bad like you?” or to look around at other strangers and roll your eyes and say, “Look at everyone staring at you.”
Those comments are not helpful.
So what I need to do in order to block out all the people around me is to form a metaphoric bubble around my child and me. No one else can see into the bubble. We cannot see out.
This strategy helps me really focus on the needs of myself and my child without worrying about the perception from other people.
But when we are around other people and our kid is having a meltdown, it is easy to imagine judgment from other people. That causes us to get worked up and say things like “Look at the other kids. Are they being bad like you?” or to look around at other strangers and roll your eyes and say, “Look at everyone staring at you.”
Those comments are not helpful.
So what I need to do in order to block out all the people around me is to form a metaphoric bubble around my child and me. No one else can see into the bubble. We cannot see out.
This strategy helps me really focus on the needs of myself and my child without worrying about the perception from other people.
5. Sign Language
Using sign language has proven benefits to calm kids. Using sign language also calms myself.
Some signs to use: calm, angry, happy, peace, quiet, confident, brave.
Just like your mantra, you can repeat your sign language mantra over and over again. For example, I am CALM and CONFIDENT even though you are ANGRY. I WANT PEACE.
Some signs to use: calm, angry, happy, peace, quiet, confident, brave.
Just like your mantra, you can repeat your sign language mantra over and over again. For example, I am CALM and CONFIDENT even though you are ANGRY. I WANT PEACE.
6. Do Jumping Jacks
I haven’t specifically done this one yet, but I read about it and love it! While your child is having a tantrum, get up and do jumping jacks.
For starters, they will be intrigued at what you are doing, and secondly, exercise can calm you.
Doing the jumping jacks will take your mind off what your child is upset about.
For starters, they will be intrigued at what you are doing, and secondly, exercise can calm you.
Doing the jumping jacks will take your mind off what your child is upset about.
7. Apply the Most Generous Interpretation
It’s hard to be angry with someone who has a good reason for being upset. That’s why I try to apply the Most Generous Interpretation (MGI) to my son’s tantrum, and just by doing that makes me relax and remain calm.
It helps me realize that he isn’t purposefully trying to make me upset and that he isn’t a bad kid.
It helps me realize that he isn’t purposefully trying to make me upset and that he isn’t a bad kid.
There you have it! My 7 secrets to staying calm during a tantrum. I hope these help. And always remember that if you don’t remain calm, you can always repair and try again.
| | Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 2x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge and children's book, Henry's Hiccups, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram and get her free parenting checklists. |
One of my favorite things to do is listen and watch my 3-year old son independently play.
It’s so cute to see the way their minds work and all the imaginative scenarios they act out.
The other day he was using his play mat to build a castle and racing his cars through it. He was so proud to show off what he was doing too. It melted my heart.
But how did we get there? Let’s explore some key ideas of how to foster independent play for toddlers before we arrive at the best open ended toys.
It’s so cute to see the way their minds work and all the imaginative scenarios they act out.
The other day he was using his play mat to build a castle and racing his cars through it. He was so proud to show off what he was doing too. It melted my heart.
But how did we get there? Let’s explore some key ideas of how to foster independent play for toddlers before we arrive at the best open ended toys.
- Why do we want to encourage independent play?
- How do we encourage independent play?
- What are open-ended toys?
- 14 must-buy open-ended toys
- Household items used for independent play
Lauren Barrett Writes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Read more about these links in my disclosure policy.
Why do we want to encourage independent play?
Play is work for kids. Their job is literally to play. And, they don’t need adults to participate in play. We, actually, stifle play and creativity. Our presence gets in their way.
Susie Allison of the BusyToddler says that adults (with great intentions) cause a shift in the play that removes: responsibility from the child, the chance for problem solving, and the way play is structured.
That’s why independent play is such a win! Win for our toddler because they are developing important lifelong skills. And a win for us because it takes away the guilt and pressure to feel like we have to be doing MORE.
Does this mean we can never play with our kids? Of course not. If we want to jump in from time to time, we should. This just means that if we don’t want to play with our kids, we should definitely not feel bad about it.
Where parents are necessary in building those connections is through reading together, modeling appropriate behaviors and actions, conversations in the car, dinner table, or on a walk, working through problems and solutions, and being their guide in the world.
They don't need us to play. Play is innate.
Research show other benefits of important play for little kids:
Now that we know how crucial independent play is, we can ask ourselves the next question.
Susie Allison of the BusyToddler says that adults (with great intentions) cause a shift in the play that removes: responsibility from the child, the chance for problem solving, and the way play is structured.
That’s why independent play is such a win! Win for our toddler because they are developing important lifelong skills. And a win for us because it takes away the guilt and pressure to feel like we have to be doing MORE.
Does this mean we can never play with our kids? Of course not. If we want to jump in from time to time, we should. This just means that if we don’t want to play with our kids, we should definitely not feel bad about it.
Where parents are necessary in building those connections is through reading together, modeling appropriate behaviors and actions, conversations in the car, dinner table, or on a walk, working through problems and solutions, and being their guide in the world.
They don't need us to play. Play is innate.
Research show other benefits of important play for little kids:
- It enhances brain structure and function.
- Promotes executive function (the process of learning)
- Supports the formation of the safe, stable, and nurturing relationships
- Promote the social-emotional, cognitive, language, and self-regulation skills
- Better able to think creatively and multitask.
- Increased quality and quantity of language.
- Pretend play encourages self-regulation.
Now that we know how crucial independent play is, we can ask ourselves the next question.
How do we encourage independent play?
I am not going to dive deeply into each one. I go into each one more deeply in my course, Now What?
But here are 8 steps to encourage independent play.
Now that you have the 8 steps to encourage independent play, we have come to our next question.
But here are 8 steps to encourage independent play.
- Start by playing together.
- Gradually back away for a very short period of time. Like 1-2 minutes. Maybe even less depending on your child. No matter how long they played without you, PRAISE them. Increase this time by a few seconds each time you play.
- Sprinkle in time-ins throughout the day to fill up your child’s attention cup.
- Be honest with why you won’t play with them. “I need to work, but I’ll be close by.” “I really like watching you play.”
- Once your kid is engaged in play, stay out of it. No need to pepper them with questions. That’s annoying and disrupts their work.
- Create a “yes space.” They should be able to play with and touch mostly everything in their play area.
- Make play a part of their everyday routine.
- Buy the right toys.
Now that you have the 8 steps to encourage independent play, we have come to our next question.
What are open-ended toys and why are they the right kind of toys?
Here is the criteria for open-ended toys:
A good toy is one of the following:
We want our kids to have to struggle and think a bit and that can be encouraged by the kinds of toys we buy.
Which brings me to our next to last question…
A good toy is one of the following:
- Grows with your child.
- Sparks imagination and creativity.
- Lets your child take the lead.
- Isn’t loud, flashy, and does all the work.
- Sturdy and durable.
- Pretend play (doctors kits, tool kits, dress up clothes).
We want our kids to have to struggle and think a bit and that can be encouraged by the kinds of toys we buy.
Which brings me to our next to last question…
What are 14 must-buy open-ended toys?
1. Magnatiles
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These magnetic shapes promote mental growth in kids while learning core STEM concepts and developing critical thinking skills. What I like about these tiles is that they are not easy but the end results are satisfying. They build resilience. |
2. Building blocks
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Research has shown that block play supports the development of social skills, abstract thinking, creativity, mathematical thinking, and literacy.
My son can not only learn the ABCs and words that begin with each letter with his blocks, but he can use them to build structures, ramps, and towers. |
3. Toy vehicles
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Toy vehicles enhance cognitive thinking such as basic physics and math. They support motor skills and interactive play.
My son has a bucket full of toy cars, trains, and trucks that get hours of play every day. |
4. Pretend People
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Pretend people (action figures, dolls, magnetic people, wooden people, plastic people) boosts creative play, inclusivity, and storytelling.
We use our pretend people to act out all kinds of real life situations. When buying fake people, it’s important to include a diverse set of races, abilities, and ethnicities, and genders. |
5. Pretend food/kitchen
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Pretend food and kitchens help with language development and motor skills.
My son has used his kitchen and food to play restaurant and call the “cook man” to order take out. |
6. Dress up clothes
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Dressing up is a form of imaginative play. It encourages creative thinking and communication skills.
Have a little box or bin where kids can freely pull out dress up clothes whenever they want. |
7. Kits
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In addition to the dress up clothes, have pretend kits on hands. For example, doctor play kits, tool kits, hair salon kits, etc.
In the same way, play kits encourage creative thinking and communication skills. |
8. Puzzles
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Puzzles are great for hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills. They also work on building self-esteem and problem-solving.
We have a few puzzles related to our son’s interests that he enjoys. |
9. Easel or chalkboard
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Every kid needs a large space where they can create. We have a double sided easel/chalkboard and it’s been the canvas for menus for restaurants, tic-tac-toe games, drawings, the letter of the day, and so much more.
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10. Floor mats
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I love floor mats for kids. We have one of a town. It opens the door for imagination. My son has raced cars on it and has used his building blocks to add to the city houses, hospitals, schools, and fire stations.
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11. Stacking cups
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Stacking cups or blocks help develop fine motor skills and explore concepts like early math, geometry, problem-solving, and cause and effect.
The stacking cups and blocks have also been used to build ramps and bridges. They have served as bedrooms and living rooms to houses and a jail to a robber. |
12. Tents, forts, tunnels, houses
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I would spend hours as a kid with my friends building a whole system of houses, tents, tunnels, and forts throughout our basement. We reenacted many different scenarios while playing in those houses, letting our imagination run wild.
These playhouses, tents, tunnels, and forts let your kids foster their curiosity and creativity. |
13. Play dough or kinetic sand
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Okay, these things can be messy, so make sure you have a designated space for your kids to play with these things, or you’ll be digging play dough and sand out of the carpet for days.
Play dough and kinetic sand are such sensory materials for kids and can be quite calming to play with. I like to add to their playtime experience by getting different tools to be used with each. For play dough, I’ve bought cutting and rolling tools to chop, shape, and flatten the play dough. I’ve also bought cookie cutters, so my son can make different animals in the play dough. For the kinetic sand, you can put it in a long, shallow plastic bin. Add trucks, rocks, sand toys, water, shovels, blocks, etc to make it a whole sensory bin. |
14. Bubbles
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Bubbles are great for the brain. Playing with them helps your kids work on oral motor skills, gross motor skills, cognitive development, eye tracking skills, and joint attention. Read more here.
You can get bubbles where your kids have to blow themselves or those machines that create bubbles and your kids can run and pop them. |
There you have it! 14 open-ended toys to promote independent play for little kids.
But…
We are not finished yet. We still have one more question to ask. Are toys the only thing to use to promote independent play?
No!
What are the best household items used for independent play?
That’s right. Everyday items found around the house work just as well for independent play and often don’t cost a cent.
At first, you can model how you play with these items or give them some ideas if they are struggling.
But really simply setting these items out and letting your kids figure out what to do with them is all you need to do.
I’m going to list 14 of the best items and link some ways to use these items.
At first, you can model how you play with these items or give them some ideas if they are struggling.
But really simply setting these items out and letting your kids figure out what to do with them is all you need to do.
I’m going to list 14 of the best items and link some ways to use these items.
1. Cardboard box
I included activities to do with cardboard boxes but, honestly, you can just set out the cardboard box with some markers and let our kids take the reins.
My son can spend hours doodling all over a broken down box.
2. Markers
3. Mirrors
4. Painters Tape
5. Butcher Paper
6. Kitchen Items
7. Pom Poms
8. Dirt
9. Old Clothes from Your Closet
10. Blankets
11. Toilet Paper Tubes
12. Flashlights
13. Plastic Cups
14. Laundry Baskets
Again, I gave you some activities to do with your kids if that is something you like doing.
But, all you NEED to do is set out these items and give your kids access to them. You DO NOT need to or should even show them how to play with these items every single time.
Remember kids learn best through play when there isn’t an adult guiding them on what to do.
To me that is a big sigh of relief.
Happy playing
For your kids, not you, Mama! You get a break :-)
Check out my parenting guide, Now What?, for more help in promoting independent play.
But, all you NEED to do is set out these items and give your kids access to them. You DO NOT need to or should even show them how to play with these items every single time.
Remember kids learn best through play when there isn’t an adult guiding them on what to do.
To me that is a big sigh of relief.
Happy playing
For your kids, not you, Mama! You get a break :-)
Check out my parenting guide, Now What?, for more help in promoting independent play.
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Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 2x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge and children's book, Henry's Hiccups, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram and get her free parenting checklists.
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“What’s the name of that Silician volcano again?”
Silence.
“It’s E-something. Elba? Elna? Etta? No, not Etta. That’s Etta James, and she always shows up in these things. Think.”
Silence.
“Ohhh, I know! It’s Etna. I got it...No thanks to you. You’ve been a lousy help.”
I stare down at my newborn baby peacefully sleeping in his little rocker nestled at the bottom of my feet. It’s early morning. Or maybe it’s late morning. Heck, maybe it’s even the late afternoon.
Either way, I’m still in my pajamas perched on our kitchen table chair hunched over my classic breakfast of oatmeal, peanut butter, and banana with a crossword puzzle on the side.
It had been a while since I had indulged myself in doing a morning crossword puzzle. In college, I would religiously do the puzzles in the paper every day. Friends would come and go into my apartment and every now and then stop to linger over one of my unfinished puzzles, helping me out.
A “sweep” is what I would call it when I would accomplish them all - crossword, sudoku, and all the rest.
Then, I got pregnant. As someone who usually loves everything and is mostly happy, I really didn’t enjoy pregnancy. I spent most of my pregnancy never quite getting rid of that morning sickness which, for me, was all-day sickness and throwing up on occasion. It held on to the bitter end.
A lot of my passions I stopped doing. Running, reading, writing, and even the crossword puzzle had been slowly fading from my daily routine. Its demise imminent.
Instead my days were spent lying on my bed for hours not moving or not sleeping. Just staring consumed with negative thoughts. I can’t be a mother. I don’t even know how to hold a baby. The nurses will surely take my baby away from me as soon as they see that. They will say I am unfit. They have never seen anyone as bad a mom as I am.
And on top of my own negative thoughts was the unsolicited advice from the naysayers who love to tell pregnant moms “enjoy it while you can because once the baby comes you won’t have time anymore.”
“Haha. Thanks.” I would reply back in mock humor and gratitude at their duplicitous attempt to be helpful.
These interactions would usually lead me to go home and quite mellow dramatically throw a “ceremonial burning” of all my printed out crosswords and books as my husband watched in horror.
“Well, Sally Stranger said I won’t have time for this anymore. In the trash you go. Goodbye crosswords. Nice knowing you.”
Then, January 31, 2019 I gave birth to my son. I can’t quite describe the feeling I felt, but it was one of elation. Every single negative thought I had prior to his birth was swept away in a tidal wave of happiness. I knew the moment I held him that I was meant to be a mom.
In the days that followed my new motherhood status, I also had another revelation. I was a mom now and true to all those strangers words my life had changed forever. They were right. I was, in fact, more tired and in those early days I got less sleep.
But, in another way, they were wrong. I was still myself. Lauren. And all of my passions were still mine. I wanted my son to see me still nurturing and growing what I love to do. I wanted him to see that I didn’t just hand over everything that made me me in order to be his mom. I didn’t want to lose myself in the process.
I didn’t want to give up reading, running, and my beloved morning crossword puzzles.
So in the simplicity of maternity leave, where I didn’t have to worry about work emails, lesson plans, and grading papers, I broke out the crossword puzzle again. This time with a sidekick planted next to me.
Yes, my eyes were a little tired, my brain a little foggy, and my recall a little slower, but I finished it. And I finished it the next day too. Each day, reclaiming a little bit of me that I thought I had lost in pregnancy.
Two and half years later….
“Living room seating. Starts with ‘s’. Aha! Sofa.”
“Sofa,” a little voice repeats back.
“The next clue is fish eggs. Now, Henry, some advice. The answer is roe, and it is a very common answer in a crossword puzzle. Roe.”
“Roe. roe. roe…” Henry mimics followed by fits of giggles.
“Row, row, row your boat.” I sing back.
More laughter.
A lot has changed in 2 and a half years. My son has grown. He is walking and talking and developing his own little, silly personality.
We still do the crossword puzzle albeit not daily. It’s more reserved for the quiet, peaceful mornings of the weekend. He has become somewhat of a better partner in that time. Although his attention span is lacking. Dump Trucks and race cars are huge distractions and often are more fun than completing the last two-thirds of the puzzle.
It’s okay though. I release him from his crossword duties to go play, and I stay in my chair to finish it on my own. Afterall, it’s my thing. Not his. He’ll discover his own thing soon enough, and I’ll be sure to nurture and encourage that. In the meantime, I make sure to fit in some time for me.
Silence.
“It’s E-something. Elba? Elna? Etta? No, not Etta. That’s Etta James, and she always shows up in these things. Think.”
Silence.
“Ohhh, I know! It’s Etna. I got it...No thanks to you. You’ve been a lousy help.”
I stare down at my newborn baby peacefully sleeping in his little rocker nestled at the bottom of my feet. It’s early morning. Or maybe it’s late morning. Heck, maybe it’s even the late afternoon.
Either way, I’m still in my pajamas perched on our kitchen table chair hunched over my classic breakfast of oatmeal, peanut butter, and banana with a crossword puzzle on the side.
It had been a while since I had indulged myself in doing a morning crossword puzzle. In college, I would religiously do the puzzles in the paper every day. Friends would come and go into my apartment and every now and then stop to linger over one of my unfinished puzzles, helping me out.
A “sweep” is what I would call it when I would accomplish them all - crossword, sudoku, and all the rest.
Then, I got pregnant. As someone who usually loves everything and is mostly happy, I really didn’t enjoy pregnancy. I spent most of my pregnancy never quite getting rid of that morning sickness which, for me, was all-day sickness and throwing up on occasion. It held on to the bitter end.
A lot of my passions I stopped doing. Running, reading, writing, and even the crossword puzzle had been slowly fading from my daily routine. Its demise imminent.
Instead my days were spent lying on my bed for hours not moving or not sleeping. Just staring consumed with negative thoughts. I can’t be a mother. I don’t even know how to hold a baby. The nurses will surely take my baby away from me as soon as they see that. They will say I am unfit. They have never seen anyone as bad a mom as I am.
And on top of my own negative thoughts was the unsolicited advice from the naysayers who love to tell pregnant moms “enjoy it while you can because once the baby comes you won’t have time anymore.”
“Haha. Thanks.” I would reply back in mock humor and gratitude at their duplicitous attempt to be helpful.
These interactions would usually lead me to go home and quite mellow dramatically throw a “ceremonial burning” of all my printed out crosswords and books as my husband watched in horror.
“Well, Sally Stranger said I won’t have time for this anymore. In the trash you go. Goodbye crosswords. Nice knowing you.”
Then, January 31, 2019 I gave birth to my son. I can’t quite describe the feeling I felt, but it was one of elation. Every single negative thought I had prior to his birth was swept away in a tidal wave of happiness. I knew the moment I held him that I was meant to be a mom.
In the days that followed my new motherhood status, I also had another revelation. I was a mom now and true to all those strangers words my life had changed forever. They were right. I was, in fact, more tired and in those early days I got less sleep.
But, in another way, they were wrong. I was still myself. Lauren. And all of my passions were still mine. I wanted my son to see me still nurturing and growing what I love to do. I wanted him to see that I didn’t just hand over everything that made me me in order to be his mom. I didn’t want to lose myself in the process.
I didn’t want to give up reading, running, and my beloved morning crossword puzzles.
So in the simplicity of maternity leave, where I didn’t have to worry about work emails, lesson plans, and grading papers, I broke out the crossword puzzle again. This time with a sidekick planted next to me.
Yes, my eyes were a little tired, my brain a little foggy, and my recall a little slower, but I finished it. And I finished it the next day too. Each day, reclaiming a little bit of me that I thought I had lost in pregnancy.
Two and half years later….
“Living room seating. Starts with ‘s’. Aha! Sofa.”
“Sofa,” a little voice repeats back.
“The next clue is fish eggs. Now, Henry, some advice. The answer is roe, and it is a very common answer in a crossword puzzle. Roe.”
“Roe. roe. roe…” Henry mimics followed by fits of giggles.
“Row, row, row your boat.” I sing back.
More laughter.
A lot has changed in 2 and a half years. My son has grown. He is walking and talking and developing his own little, silly personality.
We still do the crossword puzzle albeit not daily. It’s more reserved for the quiet, peaceful mornings of the weekend. He has become somewhat of a better partner in that time. Although his attention span is lacking. Dump Trucks and race cars are huge distractions and often are more fun than completing the last two-thirds of the puzzle.
It’s okay though. I release him from his crossword duties to go play, and I stay in my chair to finish it on my own. Afterall, it’s my thing. Not his. He’ll discover his own thing soon enough, and I’ll be sure to nurture and encourage that. In the meantime, I make sure to fit in some time for me.
| | Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 2x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge and children's book, Henry's Hiccups, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram and get her free parenting checklists. |
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