How to Raise Culturally Competent Kids: 5 Things to Raise Awareness On

Lauren Barrett

One warm day, I took my 2-year old son to a downtown playground. This particular playground was small, but it had one large metal slide that many kids were going down. 

My son and I were no strangers to playgrounds. We took advantage of them during the Pandemic. We’ve been to many in all different neighborhoods. 

The platform to reach the top of the slide was steeper than normal stairs, but my son was doing his best to tottle to the top. However, I still hovered over him to ensure that he was able to go down the slide. 

After doing this a few times, I sheepishly noticed something. I was the only mom doing this despite the fact the other kids my son’s age and, perhaps even younger, were all going down this slide without a parent being with them every step of the way. 

I also noticed something else. Although there was no orderly line and there appeared to be some tossling among the kids, everyone eventually got a chance to go down the slide because some of the older kids had the younger kids’ backs, including my son’s. These kids were clearly well versed in the art of playing without constant parent supervision. I was impressed. 

I took a step back and stood somewhat near the other moms who were engrossed in conversation. 

I started to become intrigued by the cultural dynamics of this playground and all playgrounds for that matter. As a white, American mom to a biracial son (half Black, half white), I am used to  mostly white playgrounds where the parents stand close by to keep a watchful eye on their kids in order to ensure that there is fair turn-taking and to resolve conflict the moment it shows up. 

This playground was different. It was mostly children and moms of color who were speaking a variety of languages. Upon first glance, an outsider might make the ignorant assumption that these moms were being neglectful, and the kids were trouble who never learned proper turn-taking skills.  But under a more critical lens, there was a strong sense of community fostered among both the parents and kids. I loved it. 

And that’s when I vowed to raise a more culturally competent kid. 

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What is Cultural Competence?

"Cultural competency means being aware of your own cultural beliefs and values and how these may be different from other cultures—including being able to learn about and honor the different cultures of those you interact with"

For instance, with the playground example, in some cultures the older children are often taught how to raise the younger children, and that was exactly what I was seeing. 

It wasn’t wrong just because that’s not typically how a white, American playground operates. It was just different, and I actually preferred it more.

We want our children to be made aware of these differences from a young age, so they can learn to respect them.  

1. Be Aware of Skin Color

Skin color is nothing to be ashamed of in our house. We never whisper or correct our son for pointing out other people’s skin color. 

Growing up, we would whisper someone’s skin color if they had any other skin color besides white, or so many times I have heard kids hushed for saying something, “That Black man.” 

By doing this, parents are teaching their kids that nonwhite people’s skin color is something to be ashamed of and not talked about outside the confines of their own home. 

Instead, we are teaching our son to embrace all skin colors. From a young age, children can recognize the skin color of people and even start to develop racial bias; therefore, psychologist Beverly Daniel Tatum, PhD, author of Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria, recommended teaching children about race as early as 3 years old.

As a fun activity, we went to Home Depot to look at the display of paint samples to find one that closely matched the members of our family’s skin colors. We loved having a fun name for our skin. I was Shear Apricot. My son was Clay Pot. And my husband was Dark Truffle. 

This is a good exercise in teaching that white, black, and brown have so many different shades and it is all influenced by melanin and geography. 

We, then, found paint, and we mixed and matched until we got the paint to closely resemble the paint sample we picked out for our skin. We spent the rest of the day drawing family portraits with our accurate skin colors. 

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2. ​Be Aware of the Media Your Kids Consume

By now, we should all know that we should diversify our bookshelves and TV shows, but we should really do a deep dive into what our kids are actually consuming. 

There are more children’s books about animals and other non-human characters than all people of color combined. 

While I’m certainly not suggesting you throw all of those books away (We love Little Blue Truck and Pout Pout Fish), be aware that these are not the only books you are reading to your kids. 
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The same goes for TV shows and movies. 

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3. ​Be Aware of the Authority Figures in Your Kids’ Life

Take a look at the authority figures in your child’s life: teachers, coaches, doctors, dentists, hairdressers, religious figures, friends’ parents. Are they all of the same race or ethnic culture? 

If so, look to diversify the professionals your children see on a day to day basis. 

Black teachers, in particular, can have positive effects on their students, especially Black males from low income households. 

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4. ​Be Aware of the Kids Playing Around Your Kids

Just like you did with the authority figures in your child’s life, take a look at the kids your own kids play with. Neighbors, classmates, church friends, your friends’ kids, sports teams, kids on the playground. 

Again are they all of the same race or ethnic culture?

If they are, consider switching up your regular playgrounds from time to time, going to different community centers, visiting museums, or doing kid activities in larger cities. 

There’s no need to force friendships on your kids. Just simply allow your kids to play alongside kids from all cultures. Your kids will be naturally curious, and their curiosity will lead to some good discussions at home. 

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5. ​Be Aware of Your Kids’ Questions

When you begin to raise culturally component kids, they are going to ask questions.

“Why is that man standing on the side of the road near the intersection?” 

“Why is she wearing that on her head?”

“Why does my friend have two mommies and my family only has one mommy?” 

Similarly to when our kids bring up skin color, we do not want to shut down these culturally aware questions. 

We want to thank our kids for the questions and praise them for being so curious and thoughtful. 

Depending on the environment, we can choose to answer right away or later at home. 

If you feel as if now is not the appropriate time to discuss your child’s question or you really don’t know the answer to the question, be careful not to shush them or be quick to make them feel ashamed for asking. 

Say something like, “That’s a very good question. Let’s discuss this when we get home, and we are not distracted by everyone. I’m curious to learn your thoughts and find out more with you.”

Being quick to quiet them could make them think that the topic they are asking about is wrong or shameful and could shut down future conversations because your child is afraid to bring it up again. 

When left to their own devices, children could seek out the answers to their questions on the internet, through friends, or social media where they could get misinformation, implicit biases, or negative stereotypes and discrimination. 

We would prefer for our children to hear it from us first, so we can clear up any confusion. 

Even if my child comes to me with a big misunderstanding, I always like to go to a place of careful reflection, thought, and questioning. 

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That day on the playground was a big eye opener for me. It made me realize that we can be quick to judge something that is different than how we act. 

I want to raise culturally competent kids who are aware of those differences,  then see how those differences are of value, and finally learn to interact with those differences. 

The world would be a beautiful place.

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Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing preschooler. Lauren is a 3x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge, children's book, Henry's Hiccups, and parenting guide Now What? Mindful Checklists for Life's Hard Parenting Moments, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy.  She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram at @laurenbarrettwrites, and get her free guide on what to do during the middle of a tantrum. 

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