I never expected cheese curds to be the thing that restored my faith in humanity, but, alas, they did, at least at the end of this one particular day….

Our trip to Chicago in 2021 did not start off in my favor. For starters, my husband and I were taking our first kid free trip in two years. 

I had visions of early nights of sitting in front of the TV binge watching Ted Lasso and the Olympics while eating takeout after a long day of sightseeing and activities. I had dreams of sleeping in and wandering around our AirBNB still in our pajamas. I had fantasies of no messes to clean up, nothing to tidy, and being as loud as we wanted. 

But there was just one problem - Denise. 

The problem wasn’t with Denise herself. She was a lovely middle aged lady who had interests in artwork and dogs. She belonged to a tennis league and had an active social life where she frequently rode her scooter to said social events. Denise was an orderly person who enjoyed every item in her house to have a home. She was a fine lady. Some may even say an upstanding individual. No, the problem wasn’t with Denise at all. 

The problem was that Denise was there. On a trip where I was looking forward to spending time with just James, we now had a third. One, me. Two, James. And three, Denise. Denise rented the AirBNB in which we were staying, and surprise, Denise was staying too.

Unfortunately unbeknownst to me, I had booked a shared AirBNB stay from Denise, and Denise would be there - sharing a bathroom, kitchen, common area, and almost a bedroom since our bedroom looked right into Denise’s bedroom, and she kept the blinds and window open. 

1 point against Humanity. 

Two days into the trip, I was trying to make the most of our less than favorable accommodations, and, in fact, after a lovely morning stroll along the Chicago River, I became once again optimistic about the days that lay ahead. 

Later that particular day, we were renting a car to Milwaukee where we would take in the cheese and beers of the city followed by a Brewers game in the evening and topped off with the creme de la creme of the getaway - not only a kid-free night in a hotel, but a Denise-free night in a hotel. 

“We have plenty of time, but let’s make our way to our rent-a-car, so we can get to the city early enough before the game to explore,” I said to James. 

Up until this point, we had only taken the Brown Line to and from our destinations. This time we had to take the Blue Line and transfer to the Brown Line. Simple enough.

I’ve always said about reality dating shows like - The Bachelor and The Ultimatum - that if you truly want to test a couple’s strength, have them navigate their way around an unknown city.

After awhile our dialogue with one another shifted from pleasant to this: 

“Google is telling me that it’s right here, James. Why can’t you listen to me?” 

“You’re holding the %$#@ing map upside down, Lauren. Why do I always have to do everything? You can’t do anything right.” 

“Why do you have to be so mean to me? I’m human, James.” 

2 points against Humanity. 

Needless to say, we never found the Blue Line and eventually had to take a longer, more circuitous route that dropped us off farther from our destination than originally planned. No worries, we could use the exercise in the beautiful, sunny weather we reasoned. 

Ten seconds later, it started pouring. 

3 points against Humanity.  

We trudged the nearly 7 blocks in the rain to our rental car. We were using Turo, a car rental service like AirBNB. Someone leaves the keys for us and then we take that person’s car for our allotted time and then return it back to their house. 

“Let’s hope the car doesn’t come with Denise,” I joked. 

Then the following events proceeded to happen in the downpour in this order: 

1. We spent 20 minutes trying to find the lockbox for the key. 
2. We found the lockbox for the key, but it was rusted shut. 
3. We called the owner who was out of town who said he didn’t know what he could do for us. 
4. We realized we had the wrong lockbox. 
5. We found the right lockbox.
6. We retrieved the keys. 
7. We spent 10 more minutes trying to find where the car was parked. 

4 points against Humanity. 

Finally, we settled into the car out of the rain. We were a little later than we had anticipated, but we were excited to get on the road. 

James started the car and plugged into the app that we had entered the car. He paused. He paused some more. He had a look of disbelief on his face. He then had a look of ire on his face. 

“James, what is it? What’s wrong?” 

“We can’t take the %$#@ing car out of state.” 

“What?! How did you not know that?” 

Wrong thing for me to say, considering I was the one who booked an AirBNB with Denise. 

5 points against Humanity. 

We probably sat in the car, completely in denial of our situation, for another 20 minutes. Our only other option was to Uber back to Denise’s, grab our luggage, and take an Uber the 2 hours and 12 minutes to Milwaukee. 

Having settled on that plan, we executed our plan in that manner. By this point, we had resigned to the fact that we wouldn’t get to explore the city and we would be slightly late to the game.

The Uber guy picked us up and upon seeing that we would be going to Milwaukee said that he couldn’t take us. 

6 points against Humanity. 

However, after some under the table dealing, we convinced him to make the trek.

Half a point recovered by Humanity. 

Standing in front of American Family Field, 5 innings late to the game, exhausted, annoyed, and with 5 ½ points stacked against Humanity, I had little hope that anything about the rest of the evening would go well. Nothing would restore my faith in Humanity at this point. 

Of course, we couldn’t find the entrance to the game. Every entrance we arrived at was closed and a terrible thought crossed my mind: What if we are too late to get into the game?

Then, something miraculous happened. The employees working the gate were willing to help us. Having been to 24 MLB stadiums at this point, we were well versed in the apathy of stadium workers and their lack of customer service. But not here. Here at American Family Field where I was wondering if they took the name of their stadium literally. When you’re here, you’re family? A tear trickled down my eye. 

They were not only willing to help us, they were wanting to help us. They were thrilled to help us. Everyone was. The workers. The guests. The fans. EVERYONE WAS SO NICE! 

They led us inside. They led us to food. They led us to restrooms. They led us to our seats. They said, “please, thank you, my pleasure.” 

What was happening? 

Not wanting to tempt fate, I thought that nothing good could possibly keep happening. 

But then I sat down in my seat to watch a baseball game and opened my mouth to try cheese curds for the first time. 

And my faith in humanity was restored with each cheesy, delectable, delicious bite. 

​

My goal now is to become a certified sleep and anxiety coach and as part of that I developed a mini STRESS FREE SLEEP email course. 

​I highly suggest checking it out if you struggle with sleep and panic. 

Buy me a coffee if you liked this blog. 
​
And if you're a parent, check out my parenting guide Now What? Mindful Parenting Checklists for Life’s Hard Moments. 

​

My short response to the title of this blog is DON'T GO and conjure in your mind what you imagine the best of Gatlinburg to be and that, my friend, will be the best of Gatlinburg. 

My long response to the title of this blog will be this...
​

In a recent trip to the mountains, I learned two things...

1.  There are more people in this world who LOVE pancakes than I originally had thought. 

2. My disdain for Gatlinburg has surpassed my diresion for St. Louis, Missouri and Kyle's scorn for the entire state of Kansas. 

But first let's back up and see how we got there. 

After my mom died, my dad decided that we should meet up with Kyle in the fall and travel somewhere, so we could all be together.

We bounced around a few ideas - Chicago, Colorado, Charleston, SC - BUT we settled on some place better. Some place more beautiful. Some place more brilliant. Some place more buttery? 

Gatlinburg, Tennessee. 

The logic behind it was that it was some place in the middle for Kyle to easily fly to and for the crew in North Carolina to easily drive to for a long weekend. 

Perfect. 

However, my alarm bells should have sounded when my dear cousin said to me, "Have you ever been to Gatlinburg? You're in for a treat." 

​I like treats, so I was excited! 

After leaving the quaint and charming town of Blowing Rock, North Carolina, I was looking forward to some more rest and relaxation in the city that claims to be the gateway to the Great Smoky Mountains. 

We've already established that I don't like gateways (i.e. The Gateway Arch) but no red flags seemed imminent yet. 

We packed up the car and headed out on the Blue Ridge Parkway where we took in the sights of the fall foliage and gorgeous mountain vista views, but not before I spilled my stupid Stanley all over the backseat floor, and my feet were now resting in a sopping puddle of water.

As I was soaking it all in figuratively and literally, the vibrations of my IPhone startled me out of my dreamlike stance. 

It was my brother.

"Lauren, it's Kyle. Please pray for me." 

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS HOLY, WE ARE NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE!!"

As a side note, for some strange and unforeseen reason, Kyle booked a separate flight on a separate day from his girlfriend. So Kyle flew into Knoxville, TN a whole day before we even arrived, then Ubered to Gatlinburg the following day, and now was on the side of a street in downtown Gatlinburg at restaurant/bar where we had to pick him up. He'll always remain a mystery to me in the way he thinks and does things. 

Upon entering the outskirts of Gatlinburg, it didn't take immensely long for me to see why Kyle needed prayers. 

We were in bumper to bumper traffic inching along the parkway to get into the main part of the city. And on the sidewalks were crowds of people...walking? No, walking doesn't seem to be the right word for what they were doing. Shuffling. Yes, these hordes of people were all collectively shuffling about from one end of the strip to the next. 
​
And lining the sidewalks were TOURIST TRAPS that were seemingly swallowing the shuffling souls. 

MINI GOLF

RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT

WINE TASTING

WHISKY TASTING

T-SHIRT STORES

THE TRUMP STORE (I did have to pause here and giggle as I imagined each president having their own store. THE FILLMORE STORE. THE PIERCE STORE. THE CLEVELAND STORE. THE ARTHUR STORE. hehe)

These traps were swallowing these poor souls and spitting them out as a different washed-up specimen. Muwhahaha. 

I gasped. As a child who grew up in West Virginia, I've seen this horror film before. 

"Oh my God! Gatlinburg is the Myrtle Beach of the Mountains!" 

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Cue Halloween theme song. 

Having been to Myrtle Beach several times as a child, I'm all too familiar with the drive down there. 
​
First, you hit a point of no return. It's when you realize you have entered the horror movie and there's no turning back . 

For travelers driving along I-95 on route to MB, that point of no return is South of the Border, the Gateway to Myrtle Beach, and the roadside attraction where you can get two things - sombreros and hepatitis. 

For Gatlinburg, the point of no return is when you see the Gatlinburg Space Needle, oddly reminiscent of SotB's Sombrero Tower and Arcade. Getting closer, I looked around and realized that there was no escaping. We were being sucked in. 

​We found Kyle on the side of the road, picked him up, and sped off to our AirBNB. 

To start, the best Gatlinburg could offer us was sending us our keycode at 3:56 PM and allowing us to check in four minutes early for our 4:00 PM check in time! 

We decided to spend the rest of the evening not leaving our place of residence in order to gear up to venture out into the wild tomorrow. 

The next day commenced with Kyle getting lost for three hours because he had to find a gym. He called to ask for directions, but his phone died as I was explaining how to get back. 

Not confident in Kyle's directional and spatial skills both my dad and I drove around looking for him. My dad finally found him on the side of the road stomping up a hill. 

At this point, we were ready for some mountain air and gorgeous views located in Great Smoky Mountain National Park.

Getting in the car, we started our travel to the park. 

And that's when we saw THEM. 

PANCAKE PANTRY

LOG CABIN PANCAKE HOUSE

LITTLE HOUSE OF PANCAKES

FLAPJACK'S PANCAKE CABIN

ATRIUM PANCAKES

Each of these pancake pavilions had people lined up outside and around the corner as they shuffled closer to the puffy perfections, awaiting the simple taste of a buttery bite. 

It was a sight to behold. 

Don't get me wrong. I like me some pancakes every now and then, but the scene unfolding before my very eyes was ethereal. One our eyes couldn't make sense of.

Never once during my short time on earth have I ever encountered a creature hither or tither that has quite loved pancakes in the way that the breed of humans I saw that day must love pancakes.   

I was afraid Gatlinburg had drugged these unassuming souls. 

I momentarily put the Pancake Panorama out of my head and got ready for some hiking. 

The best Gatlinburg has to offer on that front is sitting in more traffic to go three miles in 30 minutes and then another 20 minutes to find parking to hike an overcrowded trail to see a waterfall and then sit in another hour's worth of traffic to get back to the AirBNB. 

At this point, we were seriously considering our entertainment for the rest of the trip to be having races to see who could make their way from one end of the main drag to the another the fastest while we battled the crowds of people standing aimlessly, shuffling, and standing still. 

However, the next day we decided to give Gatlinburg one more shot with a trip up to Ober Mountain. 

To get to Ober Mountain you ride an aerial tram. You can purchase tram only passes for $19.99 or an all access pass for $49.99 (Kids 5 and under are free). We all got the access passes. 

On our way we once again passed the Pancake People and took a few seconds to marvel at their mysterious ways. 

The aerial tram was actually pretty cool. Once we got there, we started with the animal exhibit and then I took my son on the carousel and the ice bumper cars while the rest of the gang got food. 

The line for the ice bumper cars was long and moved slowly but luckily there were benches along the wall to rest our weary legs. A large party "didn't notice" all the people sitting and tried to get to the front of the line, but the people in front politely pointed them to the back of the line. 

After a half hour and the third round of waiting, it was looking like we would finally be next. The large group behind me had taken to sitting on the benches this time, and they were suspiciously creeping their way to the front. They wouldn't dare cut us, I thought. 

Well, I'll be damned, those mfers did cut us when our turn finally arrived! Usually a demure and dainty person who balks at the face of too much confrontation, I said to myself, "No."

Gatlinburg and life, in general, had beaten me down far too much lately. I wasn't going to stand for this. 

"NOT T-T-T-TODAY, JUNIOR!" I made a squealing noise, gave those bitches a glaring look, and pushed my way in front of them. 

"BOO! This ain't no child's play. Who's the real villain now, Gatlinburg? That's right, me. Muwhahaha." 

I got on that ride, and it was the best freakin' ride of my son's life.

Until moments later when my son got to ride the mountain coaster with my husband and everyone else who had been waiting in line while we were at the ice bumper cars (The line was too long for me to wait), and that ride was the best thing everyone did in all of Gatlinburg. 

You win, Gatlinburg, you win. 

Oh yeah, my dad and I saw a random bear walking just walking on a side street, and it went into a parking garage. But we were so in awe that we didn't get any pictures. So I guess it doesn't count? 

My goal now is to become a certified sleep and anxiety coach and as part of that I developed a mini STRESS FREE SLEEP email course. 

​I highly suggest checking it out if you struggle with sleep and panic. 

Buy me a coffee if you liked this blog. 
​
And if you're a parent, check out my parenting guide Now What? Mindful Parenting Checklists for Life’s Hard Moments. ​

Blowing Rock is 3 1/2 hours away from Raleigh, North Carolina and is the perfect place to get away from the big city and spend a couple days relaxing by the mountains. 

We recently got back from a trip there a week ago. 

Fall is the perfect time to go. The weather is crisp and the leaves are beginning to change. 

The Logistics: 

• We stayed 2 days and 2 nights.
• We got an AirBNB within walking distance of Main Street

Keep reading to get our full itinerary and more recommendations

While there are many restaurants we wish we could have tried, we went to two great places for dinner. 

1. The Town Tavern
This is a sports bar serving American food located on Main Street. We sat outside under the lights on the patio that had a fire pit too. 

2. The Speckled Trout
​This cute restaurant specializes in...no other than trout which was very delicious. We once again sat outside on the ratio. The night we went there was live music. 

3. The Blowing Rock Market
James and my dad got breakfast here one day. You can sit outside. 

4. Blue Deer Cookies
A perfect place for an after dinner treat. My dad and James got cookies. Henry got ice cream. I got an ice cream cookie sandwich. 

Here are my other recommendations that we will definitely be trying the next time we go.

• Cafe Violette
• Blowing Rock Brewery Company
• Sunset and Vine
• Hellbender Bed and Beverage
• The Best Cellar

1. Hiking
We did the Glen Burney Trail to Glen Burney Falls and Glen Marie Falls. The parking lot is located right off main street. The hike is roughly 3 miles and does have some uneven, strenuous terrain. 

The way out is all downhill and the way back is uphill. But my 4-year old son did it with some bribery and motivation toward the end. 

I definitely recommend this hike. 

2. Grandfather Mountain
You have to purchase tickets ahead of time to get into the park. We started off our trip here at Mildred's Grill.

While James waited in line for the food, Henry and I walked around to look at the exhibits of animals. We could see bears, elk, cougars, eagles, and otters. 

After eating, we headed up the mountain to the do the suspension bridge, the highest in the United States. You have to wait in your car to get into the parking lot as they let people out of the parking lot or you can park in the lower parking lot and hike up .5 miles to the bridge. 

The bridge was scary to me. I wouldn't say I enjoyed it, but the views are nice. 

I recommend staying longer here and doing more hiking throughout the park. 

3. Grandfather Vineyard and Winery
We went here after Grandfather Mountain and had a great time here. This vineyard is the cutest I've ever been too. 

It has ample seating and even has spots along the creek. Gorgeous views. The day we went there was live music and we ordered two flights of wine. 

Perfect for kids too. 

4. Window Shopping
I highly suggest spending some time browsing the shops along Main Street and beyond in downtown Blowing Rock. While you shop, your partner can take the kids to the playground. 

There are so many unique boutiques and shops that are fun to go in and out. 

5. Drive the Blue Ridge Parkway
Drive this stretch of road through the mountains to see beautiful views. 

Other Recommendations

• Tweetsie Railroad - It was closed during the week when we went but looks so much fun for the kids
• Spas -Blowing Rock has a view spas which would be a great way to spend your day after hiking. 
• The Blowing Rock - Visit the site in which Blowing Rock got its name
• Price Lake - Head to nearby Price Lake for some water activities

My goal now is to become a certified sleep and anxiety coach and as part of that I developed a mini STRESS FREE SLEEP email course. 

​I highly suggest checking it out if you struggle with sleep and panic. 

Buy me a coffee if you liked this blog. 
​
And if you're a parent, check out my parenting guide Now What? Mindful Parenting Checklists for Life’s Hard Moments. ​
​

My brother Kyle and I have always shared similar interests.

There's only one difference. 

He tends to take these said interests and go a little, how should I say it, obsessive. 

I first had a love for sports and geography. 

But then Kyle took to wrestling at the spry age of 6 and my delts and lats were no match for his when my dad made us tussle (true story). And soon after, woe is me, my knowledge of delts and lats* were no match to his photographic knowledge of the atlas when my mom made us scrimmage on roadtrips (true story). 

I had a respectable 9/11 period where I read tons of books, watched a lot of documentaries, and did a Social Studies Fair Project judged by Mr. Baum where I earned superior and placed in the top 3, but I was ̶t̶w̶o̶ ̶t̶o̶w̶e̶r̶e̶d̶  too coward to ever make mine a public bit. "̶M̶o̶h̶a̶m̶e̶d̶ atta boy, Kyle, way to be brave and hijack this knowledge from me."**

I had a memorize oddly specific facts phase when I spent a summer memorizing my Latin vocabulary, so I could impress my 8th grade class when our priest/teacher quizzed us at the beginning of the school year and he was so in awe that he exempted me from the test and then I said "Veni, Vidi, Vici" and the whole class laughed (True story except when everyone laughed). 

Kyle took it a little further by spending a day memorizing bachelorette and bachelor occupations to win a trivia competition for thousands of viewers which makes my Latin triumphum in front of 21 parochial school students pale in comparison.

I guess I'm just missing some piece of the puzzle that Kyle has.

HOWEVER....

There is one thing that Kyle is trying to outdo, Exploit. And everyone just thinks it is soooo funny.

But it really grinds my gears. Sticks in my craw. It really ruffles my feathers. Boils my blood. Gets under my skin. 

I will not allow him to upscond this from me.  ​


*How Geography Bee Phenoms say deltas and latitudes
**I didn't feel good about making 9/11 jokes. I'm sorry. 

I have long been a lover of protocols and regimens. 

It's kind of been my thing (flips hair). 

I unironically wrote a 30 Day Challenge that is a protocol on steroids and not meant to be humorous at all (and actually would probably be pretty cringe to go back and read now). Don't buy it. Seriously, this isn't a sales tactic (or is it??). No, seriously, don't buy it. I have a lot better advice now. 

But since developing that challenge, I have had a lot more life experiences under my belt. To be fair, Kyle has too. 

Our mom died...

And not that us Bauers would ever be so crass as to turn our mother's death into a competition of Who is Coping Better...

But...

If we did, I'd let you be the judge of who is winning. 

Let's just say one of us is melting down over chicken sliders, chugging champagne, distracting himself (or herself) with studying oddly specific NFL facts, telling his (her) sibling that he has trained himself (herself) to look at treats such as donuts and cookies with disgust, and going through protocols like Francis goes through the thesaurus (hey-ohhh)***

While the other is attending bereavement support groups with 80 year old ladies, journaling in a grief therapy workbook, reading in hammocks as she (or he) soaks in the parcels of sun on her (or his) face and stares up at the endless sky, contemplating life, and strolling through gardens to literally stop and smell the flowers while giving thanks for the many blessings she (or he) still has. 

So...

I'll let you be the judge of whose daily procedure you would like to follow. 

Side note: I don't know how sensitive you all are yet. I'm still gauging, but I'm starting to think you are not nearly delicate as the comment section of a parenting post about Cocomelon. But, in case you are, this is a joke. We are not making my mom's death a competition. Kyle and I are very much connected and united throughout all of this. Read here on how everyone grieves differently.

***Just kidding I really like Francis, and I go through the thesaurus too. 

To recap here is Kyle's Perfection Protocol: Gen 1. 

I believe he's on Gen 6-7 now. Just sayin'

While Kyle's protocol might be cute and silly and give everyone a good hearty chuckle, my regimen is reliable. 

My regimen is a necessity.

You need this remedy.

It's like Old Faithful of Yosemite.

I've been following it for years in all it's entity. 

And Just like Wheeling, West Virginia my regimen only needs one Generation - any more is an absurdity. ****

RELIABLE REGIMEN
(*meals and general hygiene not included but should generally elicit moderate pleasure with room for extreme pleasure every now and then. At least one meal and one general hygiene activity should require your undivided attention without any external stimuli distracting you from every bite, chew, and water droplet touching your skin)

(*build in time-ins too if you have children)

MORNING
6:00-6:30 Wake up Morning Routine
*I wake up when my body wakes me up. If you don't have the luxury of being on a short leave from work because your mom died and have to get up at a specific time, set your alarm for 5 minutes before you have to get up. 

-Whatever you do, do NOT reach for your phone first thing.

-Spend 5 minutes in gratitude. List four things you are thankful for. Make them different every day for a month. After a month, you may reuse. Write down if you have to. 

-Reach for your phone. Do NOT check email. 

-Commence Brain Activity Games in this order: 

• Quizl - immediately send your results to someone. Give no context. 
• Daily Dozen - immediately send your results to someone. Give no context. 
• Wordle - do not send results, no matter how well you do. 
• Mini NYT crossword - anything over 1:00 is failure. Do better tomorrow. 
• NYT Spelling Bee
• NYT Connections. 
• PAUSE here to adjust posture and hand position.
• Quordle
• Octordle 
• Contexto - send results to someone. 

-2 minute hug for oxytocin and endorphin release. 

-Drink one glass of water before breakfast. 

-25 minute run or light jaunt outside in spectrum of rays.
            (do not call them parcels)
           (can listen to music or podcast but do not put headphones in ears to protect your ears                   from noise exposure and to allow yourself to hear outside sounds for pleasure and safety)
           (Fridays and Sundays are rest days)

-10 minutes of stretching

-6 minutes of ab work 2-3x a week

-Set reminder for 10:30 AM to promptly do 6 minutes of additional neck stretching even if you are teaching in front of students. 

-If you have lost a loved one, pause here to talk aloud to them and slightly chastise them for dying. "It's morning, everyone! Today's the day! The sun is shining. The birds are chirping! The leaves are changing! The air is getting crisp! My mom is dead. [Gasps] My mom is dead! Dammit, Mom. It was totally NOT cool of you to die. Really whack. What's that? Okay, fine, Mom. I take it back. Love you."

AFTERNOON

-The rest of the day should include at least 25 minutes of reading, 25 minutes of writing or another creative outlet, and one podcast that will make you laugh. 

-10-15 minutes of training the next person in your coaching tree to become elite in geography. Right now we are doing U.S.A. map work with my 4-year old son. 

-Social Media usage is only allowed on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday from 8:00 AM-9:00 PM but you should spend no more than 10-15 minutes on app at atime to allow your eyes a break. 

-On non-social media days allow yourself to look through photos to strengthen memory and relationships.

-On non-social media days spend 15-20 minutes planning one small fun activity for the week and one bigger fun activity for the next month. 

-Pick one person to send a "Hi, checking in." text.

EVENING
-Talk to neighbors. Neighbor connection is important. 

-Call your mom or dad. 

-Kiss or hug partner for 6 seconds even if they hate it. 

-8PM spend quality time making forced conversation with your partner even if they hate it. 
          Set reminder on phone for 8PM sharp
          Bring talking points to the conversation

-9PM no more phone. 

-9:05 PM practice Worst Fantasy Technique for 30 minutes. 

-Read or watch TV until ready for bed. 

BEDTIME

****Yes, both Kyle and I went through an unfortunate making up raps phases

I always like to end on a serious tone. 

I really like helping people become happy, productive, and panic free throughout their day and life in order to be the best version of themselves. 

Part of my job is teaching social-emotional skills and building a solid day is an important part of it. ​

Kyle's Perfect Protocol, although funny and unattainable, has a lot of good aspects to it and sometimes we like to swap tips. 

Two years ago I had some health conditions that led to a battle with insomnia and intense anxiety, which was awful during the worst of it. 

With hard work (or maybe lack of work depending on how you look at it) and rewiring my brain, I have no more troubles with sleep and no more panic and only the good kind of anxiety. 

My goal now is to become a certified sleep and anxiety coach and as part of that I developed a mini STRESS FREE SLEEP email course. 

​I highly suggest checking it out if you struggle with sleep and panic. 

Buy me a coffee if you liked this blog. 
​
And if you're a parent, check out my parenting guide Now What? Mindful Parenting Checklists for Life’s Hard Moments. ​

An alternate title to this blog is My (Brief) Thoughts on Thoughts and Prayers. 

For once this blog will be fairly short, but I was thinking back on my mom's death and related it to a book I just finished reading, "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People."  

It got me thinking on the way we talk about thoughts and prayers, and I wanted to caution people to shift how they talk about prayers, especially around people suffering and grieving and especially around little kids. 

As soon as I got the call from my dad that my mom had a brain bleed and was in a coma, I texted my friends and family and asked for prayers. 

Those prayers and knowing that everyone was collectively thinking of our family helped get me through the next 24 hours, the worst of my life. 

Those prayers helped me get through the death of my mom, the funeral, and all the days afterward as I still intensely grieve. 

It wasn't until I went home to WV to the funeral that I really starting thinking about prayers and the way we speak about them when someone is suffering or gets sick. 

While home I overheard a conversation at the funeral of someone speaking how all the prayers for a family member of hers were working to help make the person who is sick better. Wonderful news! 

​But if I hadn't long ago shifted my thoughts on prayers, I might have had more bitter and angry thoughts as I stood next to my mom's body. 

"Well, why didn't all the prayers for my mom heal her?" 
"I must not have prayed hard enough." 
"I must not have gotten enough people to pray for her." 
"I guess God doesn't like me or my mom enough." 

Now imagine in this scenario that I was a little girl standing next to her deceased mom who was sick. Or maybe I was instead a little boy whose little brother is dying from cancer.

If this child hears that someone else's prayers to God cured this stranger's loved one but not her/his own loved one, and no adult is there to explain this conversation to him/her, their relationship with God might be forever changed. 

They might have intense guilt. "I was tired that one night before bed and forgot to pray. Maybe that's why my mom died. This is all my fault." 

They might have anger. "God doesn't love my family enough. Why should I love Him back?" 

They might have fear. "God must be punishing me and our family because He doesn't like us as much as He likes this other family. What else will He do to us?" 

I can imagine moving forward this child might have a very complicated, shaky relationship with God if things don't get cleared up quickly. 

And in this scenario we could substitute the child for anyone who might already be questioning God. 

I have long stopped crediting prayers for a specific outcome beyond our control.

A prayer to God asking for the results of a cancer biopsy won't change the results because the results are already known. The same with prayers stopping natural disasters. 

Imagine two families praying for a tornado to not destroy their neighborhood. One child's home and neighborhood are spared. The other child's house is demolished and friends and family members are killed. 

The one family whose home remains intact praises God for answering their prayers and saving their family. The child goes to school and says how it's because of their prayers to God that kept them safe. The other child whose home was destroyed and whose loved ones lost their lives overhears this. How does this make her feel? 

I don't believe that God chooses to cure and spare some people while allowing other people, including and especially kids, to suffer and die. 

I don't believe He works that way.

I think He is always on the side of the sufferer.

No, instead when I asked for prayers I took great comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone through all this. 

I think that's the power of prayer. That we are not alone. 

We pray for strength to help us with all the hard times. 

We pray that God doesn't harden our hearts to the world. 

We pray for patience as we deal with our suffering. 

We pray for gratitude to help us remember all the blessings we still have.

We pray for the courage to continue to face the world amongst all our suffering. 

We pray for comfort for when the pain gets unbearable. 

We pray for hope that one day our suffering will end and that we will see the person we love again in Heaven. 

That's the shift in praying that I think we all need. 

When I was pregnant I wrote this article for a magazine, and I think this excerpt taken from it is more poignant and relevant than ever....

I was at an all time low in the pregnancy. The morning sickness had reached its peak. My stomach hurt. My head ached. I was beyond tired. I had thrown up multiple times. I was feeling what I imagine to be heartburn or something brewing in my lower chest. My appetite was pretty nonexistent. Week 10 was definitely the worst. I was feeling sorry for myself and having thoughts like If I can't even deal with being sick, how am I going to be a mom? There is so much worse happening in the world, and I am complaining about this. I feel so weak. How do other women do this? I can barely cope, and I don't even have to work. What's wrong with me? While those thoughts were milling around in the back of my head, something happened that began to change my perspective. 

I have always been a big believer in the positive power of prayer. No, I do not think praying will stop bad things from happening. Bad things will still always happen. I do, though, believe prayer will change the way we view, perceive, and look at bad things. The more we pray, the more we can gain positive control of a situation rather than slipping into despair.

So there I was at the airport throwing the ultimate pity party for myself and silently weeping over how I could possibly endure any more weeks of feeling this way. The negative thinking was spinning out of control. That was until I sat down on a random seat in the airport and felt something underneath me. I pulled the object out from under me, and it was a rosary. I teared up, stuck the rosary in my purse, and began to pray and pray and pray until slowly my mind started shifting.

I would love to say that the sickness miraculously disappeared, but it didn't. In fact, it got slightly worse, for when I arrived home after the flight, I puked violently three times.

But instead I received something better - the clarity that suffering is a part of life, and there is something meaningful at the end of it...

The same thing happened the other week. I was again having the ultimate pity party for myself and weeping from the pain of missing my mom so much. 

I remembered what they said in my grief support group. Pray. Not pray to take away the pain and suffering but pray for a little bit of comfort in your time of sorrow. 

In my haste to leave the house, I grabbed an old purse from the shelf. In it I found three things that instantly brought me comfort and a slight smile to my face. 

1. A ticket stub from when my mom and I went to her 55+ community's dessert and theater production in their clubhouse where we spent the whole time stifling laughter at how bad the acting was (They tried). 
2. A pocket-sized manual on how to pray the rosary. 
3. The exact rosary that I found at the airport that day I was pregnant. 

My mom loved praying the rosary, so I took the manual and the rosary and drove to church to pray. 

The prayers will never take away the pain I have from missing my mom, but they give me comfort when I get tired from mourning. They give me strength when I feel weak. They give me calls and texts from family and friends when I feel alone. They give me the clarity to see the beauty of a butterfly floating by or a flower blooming when everything seems dark. 

They give me hope. 

​I'd love to hear your thoughts on prayers...