My mom, although very talented in her own way (She has quite the eye for design), has always been lackluster in the content creative and athleticism departments.

While that might sound harsh to you, when you come from or marry into a family who is constantly doing bits, writing blogs in their heads, or plotting their next scheme, lack of creativity will get you ridiculed.

And my poor mom was no exception. When we played board games that required well thought out, creative answers, we would scoff at her one-word bland answers that oozed with her trying to be funny and risqué like her “poop” to our “Carter Huffman peeing his pants during the SVS Bomb Scare” in a game of Salad Bowl.

“I wonder who wrote poop?” We would say dripping with sarcasm.

Or we riddled her with insults when we discovered she couldn’t even paddle during a white water rafting trip because she was too uncoordinated.

“Hey, mom, what college sport did you play again? Oh wait…none. Hahaha.”

But we accept her because she is exceptional at cooking and cleaning.

HOWEVER, before you start to pity poor Mrs. Bauer, know this, my mother would not be deterred and was tenacious in her own sense, especially when it came to her precious, perfect boy, Kyle.

Despite her lack of ability in both athleticism and creative content she makes up for that in her desire for us to pursue athletics and creative content. 

She cried when Kyle and I decided to quit baseball and softball/basketball to focus solely on wrestling and running respectively.

She lamented the fact that for years Kyle's Twitter humor, pranks, and gags were going unnoticed by big name companies like Barstool itself. 

"Why won't anyone hire Kyle? He's so funny."
"Kyle deserves to be more than an intern. He's hilarious."
"I just want Kyle to be happy and do something he loves. Why can't other people see how funny he is?"
"Did you see Kyle's latest Twitter post, Lauren. It had me in tears." 

She would bemoan all those sentiments to me on the phone as I tried to inject quips about my own day of teaching. 

"I tried to teach my students the how to use context clues in reading, but it fell on deaf ears. Ha ha. Did you find that funny, Mom? Mom? You still there?" 

​"Yeah..."

But my comment was brushed away only to be reminded about the Craigslist ad Kyle had trolled. I was no Kbnoswag to my mom. 

For she was Kyle's biggest cheerleader and ultimate Momanger at that time. 

And like any good Momanger and their children, there bounds to come a time when the two come to blows (pun intended). 

And for our mother and son pair that time was the Cocaine Incident.
​

Kyle was hired to Barstool in the fall of 2018 and the whole family celebrated his accomplishment. 

And they also began to live and breath Barstool over the next few months. 

"Lauren, are you watching the Rundown? Did you read Kyle's latest blog? I think Big Cat likes Kyle. This is the best news." 

"Mom, I'm in labor. Can we speak about this later?" 

But as January turned into February and February into March, my mom began to pivot. If you know my mom, you know that she can pivot better than any NBA player. 

"I'm worried about your brother. I just want him to settle down, find a nice girl, and move to North Carolina to be near us." 

"I'm concerned about Kyle. I hope he isn't getting into drugs." 

"I don't like all these people commenting mean things about my son." 

"I hope Kyle is always staying humble and kind. Lauren, will you text him to remind him that. See if he is still going to church while you're at it." 

"Did you see what Kyle wrote in a blog, Lauren? He mentioned drugs. He told me that he doesn't do them. Do you think he really meant that?" 

"Kyle should just stick to the Craigslist blogs. People like those. I don't know why he has to write about p****y and women like that. It's disgusting." 

"Lauren, Kyle has a chance to win a trip to Vegas with Dave. Let's hope that he doesn't win. I don't want him going to that city and partying and all that debauchery. Also, you know your brother, he's shy. He doesn't like all that attention...." 

Well, as the story goes, Kyle did, in fact, win a trip to Vegas. 

Things went well from the start for our little hero. His quirky, weird brain antics were winning his boss and the rest of the fans over. 

Once again my mom pivoted faster than my husband walking into Harrison, Arkansas. 

"Did you see Kyle? He wore the same shirt as Dave. How funny. People thought he was funny."
"Did you see the video of Kyle copying Dave's moves? Hilarious. About time people see what we see. Your brother is funny." 
"When Kyle gets back to New York, he needs to put himself out there more. He needs to be on camera."

Kyle's schticks were pinging my mom's dopamine levels and making her higher than...well, Kyle was about to be. 

But then she got The Call on March 29 and she performed better than Chen Meng at the 2021 Summer Olympics with the way she was pinging and ponging back and forth.

“Lauren. It's your brother. Please pray for him,”

My wine hazed brain tried to muddle through every possible scenario about why I would have to pray for Kyle. 

• He's dead. 
• He's in the hospital. 
• He got fired. 
• He eloped. 
• He did something and someone thought he wasn't funny. 
• He missed going to church in Vegas. 

Never in my wildest dreams would I have come up with that he got kicked out of his hotel for cocaine residue and his subsequent phone call to Dave telling him that he got kicked out was posted on the internet. 

I was trying to comb through the details my mom was sobbing on about. 

Cocaine residue. Women. Security. New hotel. Pay for with his own money. Phone call posted on the internet. Pleaded with her that it wasn't his cocaine. Women. Met at pool. Partied in Kyle's room. Left the Cocaine. Will he get fired? Pray. Find God. 

Ping. 

It didn't make sense, but it should come as no surprise to me that out of all the tomfoolery in the Sin City that, of course, Kyle would be the one to get caught. 

"So, he's saying that the cocaine that he absolutely didn't do came from someone he met at the pool?" 
​
"That's what he saying. But I don't know what to believe." 

"He should just tell everyone that the cocaine came from a Pool Flooze."

But just at that moment the band struck up Gold Dust Woman by Fleetwood Mac and my mom couldn't hear me.

"What did you say, Lauren? A Pool Flooze? Apool flooze? April Fools! That's it, Lauren. You're a genius." 

She then quickly hung up the phone to do damage control for Kyle's return to the office on April 1. 
​
Pong. 

And the rest, as they say, is history...

My mom has always been the best Momanger to Kyle.

Although the two can sometimes be at odds with one another, she is always looking out for his best interests and is currently on a ban from watching anything Barstool related with Kyle in it because she was providing too much input.

However, I'm sure the guy who keeps texting her is giving her updates (shout out to him!) 

But we all know that she'll be back. Like any good manager. 

In all seriousness, though, my mom, like my dad, is the best. She has an extremely generous heart, and we are just as much part of her coaching tree as we are Doug Wanoy's. 

And to end, let's all join my mom and collectively say a prayer for Kyle tonight. 


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As we weave our way through Bauer Family lineage, today we will draw our attention to one of the most interesting members of our family, Jack Bauer. 

Birthed in 2001, Jack Bauer, a young man of honor, has lived a tragic life in his short years on this earth. 

In a kidnapping attempt gone wrong, his wife was killed, but his daughter was spared, and then Jack was left to raise his daughter alone. 

Spiraling into endless grief, Jack largely spent a season of his life cooped up mourning the loss of his beloved wife, but his boss ultimately helped pull Jack from the depths of despair only to be killed himself in an airplane accident. 

Jack then hit rock bottom and fell into a serious heroin addiction. Jack, being the brave and tenacious man that he is, eventually kicked the heroin addiction but not before he was fired from his job. 

A short time later, Jack had to end things with his new boss in order to avoid being blackmailed which then led him to faking his own death. 

After 5 years of more perilous and indescribable events happening to Jack Bauer, he decided to lay low and pretty much vanish from thin air and America's air waves. 

Birthed in 1997, my cousin, Jack Bauer (yes, that's his real name), came well before the above-mentioned Jack Bauer of the TV show 24 and lives a vastly different life. 

The Jack Bauer we are detailing today is the only son of Wick McBauerson. He resides in New Jersey and works as a solutions analyst. He recently got a promotion! 

In his leisure, he enjoys rock climbing and cheering on the Mets and Knicks. A self-proclaimed movie buff, Jack is a law abiding citizen and an overall outstanding guy. 

Jack Bauer, largely avoiding the public eye, doesn't engage in social media content and has no earthly idea that Kyle or myself are speaking and blogging about him. 

And that's all we know about our younger cousin. 

We have hit the end of the road, for now, of our Meet the Members of the Bauer Family sequence.

I'll perhaps be back later to touch on Bo Bo, although you can learn all about our instrument baby grandma in the hit podcast You Can't Handle the Truth. 

My mother deserves a blog on her own. Wick is someone you just have to meet in person. My three female cousins are super interesting. My cousin's husband was a child actor. We all know that I'll eventually have to blog the Fall of Doug Wanoy: The Man Who Flew Too Close to the Sun. 

But for our next blog would you like...

• The Cocaine Incident: My Mom's Origin Story
• A New Untold Story: The Bomb Scare of SVS
• Kyle's Protocol Vs. My Regimen
• A Deeper Look into Wrestlers

​Sound off in the comments. 

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Our next stop on our journey through the Bauer Family is Syd Barrett. Syd Barrett is the oldest brother of the Bauer Brothers. 

*Side Note* There are three Bauer Brothers. The youngest (Jack Bauer's father), Wick McBauerson, perhaps might be the funniest of them all. He, however, has no aspirations to create content and lavish in the limelight but would rather create an app as a family, so we can get rich. Anyway...

Although only a year apart, Syd Barrett is everything that Doug Wanoy is not.

Doug is a troll that lurks behind a computer or in the shadows waiting to pounce on his next victim. Dare we say it, Doug, at his worst, might be perhaps a little mean. 

Syd is front and center, a Gallagher if you will, who marvels us with his slapstick humor and observational antics. Dare we say it, Syd, at his worst, might be perhaps a little cringey. 

Doug wishes to divide people with his escapades. At family gatherings, Doug will meticulously count the number of alcoholic beverages my cousin's husband consumes, so he can shame the unassuming lad later on. 

Syd yearns to unite people with his escapades. Syd will dress up in costume and perform song and dance to entertain the family with one of his many games he makes us play; all while pushing through his wife yelling, "[Insert real name], will you wrap this up please." 

Doug's goal is to get the family to argue. For example, Doug will whisper to Kyle's girlfriend (new to meeting the family) and ask if everyone is being nice and talking to her. He will coerce her to name the names of the people who aren't engaging her in conversation, so he can shame them. 

Syd, on the other hand, craves for the family to fawn, flaunt, and flock to and over him. For instance, Syd, at 60 + years of age and with a double hip replacement, will find a tree to climb and get perilously close to falling over the edge all in the name of the family to scream his name to get down. 

He is our family's paradigm of Michael Scott; his only wish is to be loved and admired by his family no matter the cost even if he has to sell his soul and time in the process. 

Does he need to be liked? Absolutely not. He likes to be liked. He enjoys being liked. He has to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like his need to be praised.

We will explore three types of Syds today. 

Syd, the Card Guy
Syd, the Podcaster
Syd, the Godfather

These videos are edited and produced by my cousin who is the most adept with content and production in our family. 

The Blair Card Project

The Covid Card Guy Part 1

The Covid Card Guy Part 2

As the Bauers started to tip their toes into the content world, Syd Barrett, not one  to be left out, decided that he would throw his hat into the ring and start You Can't Handle the Truth podcast. 

Being a lot harder than he thought (That's what she said), he started a subsidiary of YCHTT and started to produce Bo Bo Knows Music, a music podcast with his 86 year old mom, my grandma. 

Each week Syd presents my grandma (Bo Bo) with popular songs from all decades. While Syd plays each line to the song, Bo Bo, with her Jersey City accent, breaks down the meanings of said lyrics while Syd adds commentary and the two banter back and forth in a loving and humorous mother-son way. 

Syd, while retired from corporate life, spends a quarter of his waking time earning income from Uber Eats and then 3/4 of his time earning no income by writing, directing, and producing BBKM.

When his eldest daughter gave him 5 days notice to ask if he could help her with furniture for her new house, he scoffed and said that he was working. 

Later she found out that "working," was spending time editing sound bites for his podcast. 

Boasting 5 subscribers and an average of 6 views on each video, BBKM is known for its elaborate sound effects and AI clips of celebrities reading scripts he painstakingly wrote for them to read after paying $200 for them. 

Somewhat dissatisfied with the lack of viewership, especially from his own family (16 family members and only 4 views? The math wasn't mathing.), he decided to take matters into his own hands and host a trivia contest on his birthday. 

He marketed this contest by saying it would take only 10 minutes (it didn't) and that it would be fun for the whole family!

The trivia contest? He divided the family into teams of 2 and gave them 10 questions, 2 questions for each team. Each question came from the latest episode of BBKM, and it was a sure fire way to see who listened and who didn't. 

By the end, we were all in tears from laughter and Syd, just as he likes, was being applauded and awashed in the accolades. Syd Barrett smiled wide that day. 

We, both intimidated and awed by this genius Doug Wanoy shaming  promotional tactic, realized would Syd rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. He wants people to be afraid of how much they love him.

Please give it a listen. It would mean the world to him to be loved by all of you.  

Like my last blog, I'll wrap up this one by getting sappy. 

​Syd Barrett is my Godfather, and he takes the role very seriously. Probably more seriously than any other Godfather out there. 

Family gatherings would not be nearly as fun without his presence. We bond over our love for the Mets and the Jets and mourn when the two teams inevitably fail to live up to their potential. 

A runner himself, he was the one who paved the way for my running career, and he's followed every race I've run in both high school and college. He's helped train me for post-college races, including a half marathon that I ran with his daughter, my cousin. Now that I'm coaching, he follows that team too and if you look closely in our team's FB group you'll see a tiny Syd Barrett profile as a member of the group. 

Let's all give it up for Syd Barrett and for the love of all things, subscribe to his YouTube channel. 

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