Has KBNoSwag Always Been a Perfect Boy?

Lauren Barrett

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Ahh Kyle, my perfect brother. 

What many of you probably don’t know is that Kyle has been perfect for a long time. His perfection has reigned upon us long before Barstool was even a glimmer in his eye and the No Swag moniker graced us with its presence on Twitter. 

No, his perfect era commenced the moment the eye liner goatee was drawn upon his tiny face and he donned the oversized suit jacket. The moment he transformed - nay became - his most coveted persona, Roger Chan. 

Who is Roger Chan? Let me first back up to an interview conducted by the Starr** Magazine back in 2022.

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Roger Chan

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The Rise of Bauer and Company (aka B Co)

We are all familiar with Kyle’s successful singing debut Dragonfly Sinner (Salmon Sunset) in the band Gaze, but fans of the 5’6, “stronger than he is short,” singer will be shocked to know that Kyle was in a singing and acting troupe years before the Gaze men were nailing it in in Southern California by rocking, rolling, and banging. Annals of Bauer History will confirm there was once a group called Bauer and Company that Kyle was in, but, of course you don’t know that because Kyle is too humble to tell you about it.

Kyle, a humble and perfect boy

The year was 1997 and Kyle, a tiny tot,  was hanging out with his two older female cousins and Lauren, his older sister in New Jersey. Like any other bored youths of the time, they came up with the idea to start a band. 

And that was how the birth of Bauer and Company came to be. 

“Yeah, my cousins and sisters forced me to wear fuzzy sweaters and twirl and sing and prance about to songs we wrote. Little did they know that they were pushing me into eventually being part of the Gaze community…Nick, Donny, our producers, and all our fans. I owe my success to B and Co,” Kyle, the smallest newborn, responded when asked what he credits his newfound fame and fortune to. 

Bauer and Company topped the charts with hit songs like “I Don’t Care Where We Go,” “I Don’t See the Beach,” and “I’m a Little Seal Girl,” (which was later found to be directly stolen from Nickelodeon's As Told By Ginger). 

The group spent their summers touring and performing all over New Jersey in their grandma’s and aunt’s/uncle’s houses and producing videos for their special out on Home Videos.

But the fame and success of singing wasn’t enough. They decided they had to break into the acting world. 

Kyle's highlight reel of Bauer and Company

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Bauer and Company Take Acting By a Storm

The quartet, together with their dads: Doug Wanoy, Lauren and Kyle’s dad and also a heavy Lib on Twitter (who is bound to take things too far one day and get canceled by the masses) and Syd Barrett, their uncle (not to be confused with singer and guitarist Syd Barrett of Pink Floyd), host of the podcast You Can’t Handle the Truth with their grandma and who also has an alter ego on social media (Syd isn’t his real name), took acting by the storm all over the BROAD entryWAY of the house. 

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Our rendition of King Arthur (clips have been edited and shortened). This is produced by my oldest cousin who was a theater major and now theater teacher. She is actually probably the most talented of the family. 

They would perform plays complete with curtains and all in front of their moms and grandma before the adults begged them to do more but to film it first instead. 

Kyle, the little thespian that he is, always took on the lovable role of the perfect, tiny boy.

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When asked to describe Kyle’s acting chops, Kyle’s cousin who wishes to remain nameless because she doesn’t the crave attention like the men in the family, said this: 

“Kyle, while he never had the shining star role, was always the missing puzzle piece to the whole production. The adorable way he didn’t make eye contact with the camera was endearing. He was also well trained. I remember in one Christmas play we performed he refused to wear a coat in one of the outdoor scenes. I guess he didn’t like the way it felt, but his sister, Lauren, was furious that he wasn’t committed to the part. Not wearing a coat because of the fabric? Odd, this tic? you ask. Some may say so, but I don’t think it was odd at all. The audience ate up all of Kyle’s little quirks. I just think Kyle knew how to play each of his parts to perfection. Has he told you about Roger Chan yet? 

Roger Chan and the Perfect Family 
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After doing some digging around, we came across a certain recurring production that the four cousins would put on called The Perfect Family. 

Based upon our research The Perfect Family was a reality hit TV show-esque production of the lives of four family members who were…well perfect. 

Who was this family? The Chans. The mother - Mary Chan. The father - Roger Chan. The daughters - Melissa and Theresa Chan. 

When asked if this family was portrayed after a family of Asian descent, the actress portraying Mary Chan stammered, “Asian? No, umm we just assumed they were a suburban white family who lived in New England. Shoot…is that bad?  We just really liked the name Chan (after Julie Chen, the host of Big Brother) and various iterations of it. Hey, listen, we were just kids. Don’t cancel us.” 

When Kyle was asked the same question, he responded “I have a half Asian girlfriend so technically I am a half Asian boyfriend, so I’m allowed to have portrayed a character with a half Asian name. I also am a Black uncle. So there’s that…”  

We, here at the Starr**, aren't quite sure what that means, but we will let it slide .

Kyle played the role of Roger Chan and his portrayal of this character earned him a #7 spot on Most Memorable Bauer and Company Characters. 

Here is what is said about him from a description of the character from 2005…

Father Knows Best - Father Christmas. Father Time. The Founding Fathers. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. All great fathers, but they pale in comparison to this father: Roger Chan. Kyle Bauer took on the role as the breadwinner for the Perfect Family, the Chan Family. Although shorter than most men, Kyle’s heart and love for the Chans made him the greatest father there ever was and ever will be. Perfectly quaffed with a tiny brown mustache and perpetually cloaked in his sports jacket and tie, Kyle became the man we wish we could say, “I love you, Dad,” to on Father’s Day. He wrote poetry, brought syrup home from Vermont, shaved till his chin was velvety smooth, and cared for his children and wife with love. We here at the Starr never saw Kyle so accepting of a role and so willing to yield to its power. We all think that if Kyle turns out to be half the father he portrayed as Roger Chan then his kids should count their blessings and thank their lucky stars. If only everyone in the world could be so lucky. 

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Roger Chan highlight reel

Yes, Kyle, as Roger Chan, and his affinity for his family and the Lord, was the epitome of perfect. 

But after he broke away from Bauer and Company and couldn't rely on the scripts provided for him by his older cousin and the scriptures given to him from Lauren his Confirmation sponsor, Kyle's perfection was questioned. 

He had some underage drinking and cocaine incidents, and he was struggling to find his place at Barstool. 

Yeah life was no picnic for our star stunted boy and he was in a rut. 

That is until he decided to literally pick Nick, put his thang down, flip it, and reverse it (the it being his "in a rut" phase).  Now his career has taken off and his perfection is reigning down on us again. 

​But we never had any doubt, did we? Because Kyle has always been a perfect boy. 

Kyle, as Roger Chan, paying his respects to the World Trade Center

Honoring 9/11

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Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 3x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge, children's book, Henry's Hiccups, and parenting guide Now What? Mindful Checklists for Life's Hard Parenting Moments, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy.  She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram at @laurenbarrettwrites, and get her free guide on what to do during the middle of a tantrum. ​