We have all been there. Walking through Target with our toddlers in tow; everything is going well until we have to walk by the toy section.

Your toddler sees a toy he has to have. In my case, it’s a truck. My son wants it and asks for it. Very gently, I tell him that he can’t have a toy today, but it doesn’t seem to matter that I say it kindly and calmly. My son starts reaching out for the toy, whining, and then the tears begin. I can see it written all over his sad little face; he is headed straight for tantrum town.

This post originally appeared on A Fine Parent.

Here’s the thing about tantrums–sometimes they are absolutely unavoidable. Perhaps I warned my son prior to going into the store that we wouldn’t be getting a toy on that trip. Maybe I even told him we could get one next time; or maybe I made the point of singing his favorite song or starting a game of “I Spy” right as we rounded the toy bin aisle. Yet…the tantrum STILL happened.
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It isn’t our job as parents to make sure our toddlers’ lives are always happy and conflict free. In fact, wanting something that they cannot have is necessary for our young ones to learn how to handle disappointment.

Why Do We Not Want to Give Into Toddler Tantrums?

​As parents, we don’t enjoy seeing our little ones sad and it’s especially unpleasant to see (and deal with) them pitching a fit. When we see our toddler upset, our tendency is to problem solve–and for toddlers, this may mean giving in to the toy or activity they are seeking.

While this might be the road to least resistance, we have to resist the innate urge to swoop in and make everything better by letting go of our boundaries when our toddler scrunches up his face and opens his mouth to let out a big wail.
Not giving into these tantrums helps our toddlers with:

• Handling Emotions: A toddler who hasn’t figured out how to deal with feelings of frustration, sadness, and anger never learns to regulate these feelings as they grow older and inevitably experiences all of these emotions. Letting your toddler learn how to positively cope with a variety of experiences helps her in the long run.
• Solving Problems: If your toddler always got his way every time he threw a tantrum, he will continue to act out because it’s working for him. But by setting boundaries, we are helping our toddlers grow up to be problem solvers.
• Accountability: Toddlers who are held within healthy boundaries grow up knowing that they are accountable for their actions and won’t use excuses for mistakes or to get out of things they don’t want to do.
• Resilience: Toddlers who have learned that throwing a tantrum will get them out of doing things they don’t like will eventually experience learned helplessness–actually believing they can’t do something even though they have the skills to do it. On the other hand, toddlers who are given the skills to persevere through adversity develop resilience.

Even though tantrums are sometimes unavoidable, there are ways to lessen the intensity and length of the tantrum. These actions are positive ways parents can help their toddler mid-tantrum, while still teaching valuable skills needed for growing up to be an emotionally stable adult.
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In my research, I have found 6 effective ways to calm a toddler mid-tantrum. Read on to find out what they are!

#1: Validate the Magnitude

One evening, my son was sad that his grandma had to leave to go home. He started crying uncontrollably as she tried to walk out the door. I realized at this moment that there were several ways in which I could respond to my son’s reaction. I could:

• Become frustrated by his loud crying and tell him to stop because it’s really not a  big deal, he will see her again soon.
• Completely ignore his crying, as I really don’t have time to deal with it.
• Take a more empathetic approach and validate his emotion while offering sympathy and compassion.

Clinical psychologist and mom of three, Dr. Becky, from Good Inside, recommends a more empathic approach in which parents validate the very real emotions that our toddlers feel. This can include using the following steps:

• First, we want to OK the feeling:

“You’re feeling sad because Grandma left. It’s okay to feel sad.”

• Next, we hold our boundary:

“But Grandma has to go home. She can’t stay any longer. I’m sorry that makes you sad.”

• Then, we VALIDATE the MAGNITUDE:

“How sad are you right now? Are you this sad? [Hold hands close to your body like you are measuring something] Are you this sad? [Continue to stretch your hands wider] Wow! Are you this sad? [Stretch your hands really wide] That’s really sad!”
Another way to frame it that works well with my toddler is to pick two points and gradually stretch those points to be farther and farther apart.

​“Are you as sad as from the tippy-tip of your head down to your itty-bitty toe? Are you that sad? Or are you as sad as the top of the ceiling all the way down to the floor? Are you that sad? Wow! Or are you as sad from the top of the tree where the birds are all the way down to the dirt with the worms? Are you that sad? Are you as sad from way out to the sun all the way back to earth? That sad? That’s really sad!”

Usually after one or two distances, my son’s tears subside as he looks at me in curiosity. He’s processing his level of sadness and before long, his tantrum is over.

By validating the magnitude, we are letting our toddlers know that we are taking their feelings seriously and telling them that what they are experiencing is a big deal. The result is that our kids feel heard.
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Another benefit, according to Dr. Becky, is that we are taking something abstract (the feeling) and making it concrete, which is less confusing to toddlers. Our toddlers feel seen and understood, and that may be all they need to calm down.

#2: You Didn’t Want That to Happen

Another strategy I learned from Dr. Becky is to emphasize how much you know your child didn’t want something (the thing they are upset about) to happen.

“Your toy broke. Wow. You didn’t want that to happen. That stinks.” 

The phrase “you didn’t want to happen” works so wonderfully in the moment compared to phrases like, â€œNext time, you need to be careful with your toys.” 

Think about how we feel when something bad or annoying happens to us. For example, we are rushing to load the dishwasher and grabbing too many dishes at once in our rush to load it. While unloading, we drop a dish and it shatters into a million pieces.

What would we prefer our spouse say to us at that moment?

1. “You should have been more careful.”
2. “Oh man! I am sorry. You didn’t want that to happen.”

The obvious answer for me, personally, is B. My husband would get the evil eye if he said A because who really wants to get called out for a mistake we already know we made?
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Our kids feel the same way. Lectures and advice can come later, when our child has calmed down. For now, during the tantrum, we can just simply say, â€œYou didn’t want that to happen, did you?” â€‹

#3: Use Sign Language

​Younger kids can have a hard time understanding abstract ideas and feelings. That’s where sign language comes into play.

I have started teaching my son signs for his feelings. Without a visual representation for their feelings, toddlers can be left feeling confused and frustrated by their inability to communicate the big emotions they are experiencing. This powerlessness eventually leads to a tantrum or meltdown.

Research has also shown that sign language can help calm a child in a stressful situation and that children can often learn the sign for a word before the actual verbal word. My son now has a way to communicate and identify his feelings for the next time a situation arises. Instead of crying, he can say or sign that he’s sad, angry, scared, etc.

I often sign the feeling in the moment in which my son or I are actually experiencing that feeling, including when my son is having a tantrum.

For example, when my son is sad that TV time is over, he will often start crying and whining. I will repeatedly identify the feeling my son may be experiencing and back it up with the sign.

“You are sad, sad, sad [signing the word sad over and over with exaggerated facial expressions]. It’s okay to be sad [Sign sad again]. But the dinger rang, and it’s time for bed. You can help me pick out a book to read.”
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ASL Nook, run by a Deaf family, has videos that teach kids their emotions and is a great resource for anyone wanting to learn sign language.

#4: Become a Broadcaster

I first heard of this strategy in Dr. Harvey Karp’s Happiest Toddler on the Block book. The premise behind it is to narrate and mimic your child’s emotions like a football broadcaster would do while calling a game.

Instead of immediately jumping in with our adult voice of reason (“No, I am sorry. We can’t have any TV now.”), we can get on our child’s level and echo our kid’s feelings (Dr. Karp recommends repeating back with one-third of their level so as not to appear sarcastic or overdoing it).

“TV, TV. You want TV now, now, now! You are sad! You are stomping your feet. You want TV! TV! Now. You want TV, now.” 
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Doing this can stop our child’s tantrum in seconds because our toddler feels seen and heard. It may also be helpful to pair this tactic with the sign language mentioned in the previous section!

#5: Redirect

Once our child has started to settle down a bit (before they are fully recovered), we can use redirection to help them refocus on what they can do instead. Toddlers are told “no” often; so now we want to focus on the “yes.”

Redirection can look like this:

“TV time is over. But we can read THREE fun books together. Maybe some of your favorites. C’mon, you can help me pick them out.”

The point is to take their minds off what they can’t have in the moment and shift to what they can do instead.

Another way to redirect is to act the fool–a strategy by Dr. Karp.

“TV time is over. I know that makes you sad. But can you help me with your bedtime routine? I forget how to do it. Hmm…do we first brush your toes? Do I bathe you in dirty mud? No, that can’t be right. Pleeasssseeeeee. I need your help!”
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This example of redirection will affirm how smart they are, build their confidence and instantly take their minds off wanting TV. It’s a major win for all!

#6: Magic Breaths

I have heard of Magic Breaths (slow deep breathing) from a few places, including Dr. Karp’s book and the children’s show Daniel Tiger. My son and I practice magic breaths every night before bed, when my son is calm and focused. The point is to teach them in a calm moment so they can be used successfully during a tantrum.

When my son is having a tantrum and I get the feeling that he wants to hit or throw something, I will take his hand and place it by the top of his head. I will say “Magic Breath” and together we will take a deep breath, as I move his hand slightly lower. We will do this four times until his hand returns back to its normal position.
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As our children get older, we can move from doing Magic Breaths with our children to reminding them about Magic Breaths when we sense their anger rising. In education, we call this shift the gradual release of responsibility; the purpose being to move from modeling, to reminding, to being able to do independently without prompting. Magic Breaths can always be part of our child’s toolkit, even as they grow older.

With these 6 strategies, we can breathe a sigh of relief the next time our toddler has the inevitable tantrum. Instead of feeling helpless and out of control like our toddlers, we have research-based, proven to work strategies that will calm the meltdown.

The next time your toddler starts gearing up for a breakdown, run through this list and find one that works for you and your toddler.
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You got this!

The 2-Minute Action Plan for Fine Parents
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Here are some questions to contemplate as you take a few minutes to assess how you currently react to your toddler’s tantrums:

1. Do you jump in and try to prevent a tantrum from happening, even if it means giving in?
2. Do you find yourself yelling and getting in a power struggle with your child during a tantrum?
3. Do you find yourself helpless and not knowing what to do when your child has a meltdown?
4. Would you like your child’s tantrums to be shorter?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you might want to consider some of the strategies above to positively calm your child’s tantrum.

The Ongoing Action Plan for Fine Parents

As you move forward in seeking how best to use tantrums as an opportunity for your child to grow and learn, it may be helpful to assess where you are now so you can compare it to where you will be! Here is one helpful way to monitor long-term progress:

• Keep track of how many meltdowns your toddler has throughout the day right now & how long those tantrums last. Doing this for one week will give you a good “baseline,” or an average number that represents the norm right now.
• Once you have a baseline on tantrums, start implementing the “validating the magnitude” strategy. Keep track of how quickly the tantrum ends for a few days; the hope is that you will see a decrease in the length of tantrums over time!
• Next, try the “you didn’t want that to happen” strategy. Again, keep track of how quickly the tantrum ends; does the duration become even shorter?
• Third, try pairing the “broadcaster” strategy with sign language.  Continue to keep track of how quickly the tantrum ends.
• Last, try redirecting. Keep track of how quickly the tantrums end and compare to the success of other strategies. Which one did your child respond to most successfully?
• Finally, teach your child how to do magic breaths. Keep in mind that this strategy takes some practice while your child is in a calm space to be pulled on successfully when they are upset. You may want to consider “teaching” magic breaths during calm moments throughout your trials of the other strategies and then adding it to the mix once you feel like your child has the hang of it!

I have been a teacher for 11 years now. I have my Master’s in Reading Education. Teaching literacy is a passion of mine. I get giddy going to Reading and Literacy workshops because I know I’ll leave with a new idea and strategy to take back to my classroom. 

And since I became a mom, ideas for my son to do at home. 

In today’s blog, I will break down 5 literacy activities that I am doing right now in my classroom that you, as parents, can easily do in your own home. 

For each activity, I will list the materials needed and the age range for the activity. 

Spoiler alert: I teach deaf and hard-of-hearing students at the high school level. My students have a wide range of reading and language levels, but one thing that is all the same is that they ACTUALLY like these activities. 

I know, mouth wide open emoji. Teenagers actually liking something. #gross. But, they have asked me to do these activities each week. 

And that’s when you know you have a good literacy activity on your hand, folks. 

Lauren Barrett Writes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Read more about these links in my disclosure policy.

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1. Graffiti Wall

I saw this on Instagram from @thedimpledteacher and loved it. 

What is it? It is basically whiteboard sticky paper that you can place on the wall and use dry erase markers to scribble all over it. 

How am I using it? Kids love doodling and writing all over the board. I know I did when I was in school. Each month I have a topic or question displayed on the top, and students are invited to answer the question in the form of pictures, words, etc. They even can go up during free time to “graffiti” all over the paper. 

How to use it at home? Now, your little ones will be allowed to actually write all over the wall with this activity! Invite your kids to answer a question of the week or practice their ABCs or numbers. 

Or use the graffiti wall to do one of Busy Toddler’s activities or Days With Grey’s breakfast invitations. 

Or use it for kids to practice their spelling lists or hand writing. 

Or, or, or...

Kids will like the novelty of “writing on the wall” and will be more willing to participate in whatever literacy activity you plan for them. 

Age Range? Any age! 

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      2. Shades of Meaning

I first learned of this in a literacy workshop a few years ago. My students love this activity and hope your kids do as well. 

What is it? Find paint chip samples at any hardware store. I gather up a large variety of colors. Give your kids three words that mean roughly the same thing. 

How am I using it? They are going to reason through these three words and decide which has the strongest meaning and which has the weakest meaning. The word with the strongest meaning goes on the darkest shade, and the word with the weakest meaning goes on the lightest shade. 

For example, I will give my students the words ‘declare’, ‘say’, and ‘announce.’ My students will discuss in partners which one carries the strongest weight and makes more of an impact. 

Eventually, they determine that declare is the strongest word, announce goes in the meaning, and say is the weakest. I will ask for the train of thought and tell them that I agree with them. Finally, I will encourage them to use their strong words in writing and speech instead of always choosing weak words. 

How to use it at home? You can use it exactly as I use it or you can create your own spin to it. You can give your kids groups of three words, and they will have to rank which they like from least to best. 

Or smallest to largest. 

Or youngest to oldest. 

Or, or, or again. 

I would do this activity at the kitchen table or desk while you have to get something done but are still able to converse with them. Have your groups of three words and paint samples laid out on the table, explain the activity and model how to do one, and then go fix dinner or fold the laundry or heck even sit and sip coffee while they devour up this activity. 

Additionally, the paint chips make a cute decoration to your child’s room or playroom. I display mine around my classroom and it adds color and fun to the, otherwise, drab walls. Plus, they are a form of reference. 

Age Range? Kids should have the ability to read and copy down the words they see, so this could vary among kids. My suggestion is 6 and above.  

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     3. Word Wall

I have been using a word wall in my classroom for 8 years now, and they have made a difference in my students’ vocabulary development. 

What is it? A display of talked about, important words that your students should know and remember. 

How am I using it? Our weekly vocabulary words, affixes, and idioms are displayed on the word wall for the whole year. Also, any word that we talk about that my students don’t know and that I deem important goes up on the word wall. 

Now, students have a frame of reference for these words. They can always see them, so the words are on the forefront of their minds. I also color code them, so the nouns are all one color, adjectives a different one, and the verbs a third color. 

How to use it at home? Anytime you talk about an important word in your family, put it up on the word wall (you can use the same paper for the graffiti wall). For your younger kids, you can have them print out a picture to go with the word. 

I would search Pinterest for different ways to display your word wall. But mine is just simple. Make sure your word wall is somewhere where your kids can see frequently. 

Age Range? Any age. 

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     4. PQRST

P = prefix. QR = queen root. S = suffix. T=total. I am a big fan of morphology and derivation. To get into the nitty gritty of morphological analysis, you can read my case study that I did on it in grad school here. 

What is it? PQRST is the process of teaching kids that words have smaller bits of meaning in them. And knowing the meaning of these morphemes helps determine the overall meaning of a word. 

How am I using it? First, I teach a weekly prefix, suffix, or root weekly, so students who have had me for 4 years get approximately 80 affixes directly taught to them. And, of course, they are exposed to more indirectly. 

Second, I teach them the PQRST strategy through direct instruction and modeling. I teach them that a lot of words can be broken down into a prefix (p), queen root (qr), and suffix (s). After identifying those morphemes, they are taught to find the meaning of each. Lastly, they are taught to add those smaller definitions together to form one total (T) definition that makes sense in context. 

Students love practicing with PQRST and my enthusiasm for the matter makes them love it more. 

How to use it at home? I would use your large graffiti wall to draw the diagram for PQRST (see picture below). Together, you can search for words to break down together. 

Or this can be a breakfast invitation or something you set up when you need to get ready. 

Or this can be a weekly homework activity. 
Or, or, or. 

Your kids will love this especially if they are able to use the big whiteboard paper. 


Age Range? 7-8 and above.

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     5. Reading Chart

“Reading is to the mind as what exercise is to the body.” Get your kids reading. 

What is it? A reading chart is simple. It’s a list of books your students read. You can add extras to it if you like. 

How am I using it? Anytime my students read a book, they are to write it on a sheet of paper. Then, I have them answer some questions on a little piece of colored paper that I then display around the reading chart. 

The purpose is to highlight reading for pleasure with this no pressure activity. 

How to use it at home? I would use it the same way that I am doing. But maybe add some incentives. If your kids read so many books, they get something. 

I would also implement SSR (sustained silent reading) in your household. A time when your kids and you pick up a book and just read for 15-20 minutes. Set up a cozy reading corner and play soft music to set the mood. SSR is especially good for teenagers. 

Head to my website to see what I am reading or head to my teacher website to see the best books for teenagers. 

Age Range? You can do this at any age. But before your kids can read on their own, you will need to read the books to them and help them fill out the reading chart. 

There you have it! 5 literacy activities you can try at home today. Just remember that literacy activities at home should be low pressure and fun. We don’t want our kids losing their love for reading. 

Have fun!

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We are at that age when my son has a lot of BIG feelings. And as a parent, my role is to be there to make sure he isn’t navigating these emotions alone. 

Clinical psychologist and mom of three, Dr. Becky from Good Inside, says that oftentimes toddlers don’t find the actual feeling scary, but have a hard time when they think they are ALONE with the feeling. 

That’s when they might act out - hit, scream, throw, bite. It’s during those times when they are having trouble identifying and regulating those BIG feelings. 

So the best thing we can do as parents is to consistently talk about their feelings and give them names for what they are experiencing daily. 

Not only do we have to talk about their feelings, but we need to show them and help them practice identifying and regulating their emotions. 

To do this, you don’t need a fancy subscription to a Feelings Toolkit or the most expensive product advertised on social media. All you need are products found around your house or the local library to help you get started with teaching your toddlers about their feelings. 

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Lauren Barrett Writes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Read more about these links in my disclosure policy.

The 5 Best Products - Let’s Go

1. A Mirror 

Mirror, Mirror on the wall who is the happiest of them all? It’s you! 

That’s right, a mirror is a great way to teach about feelings. Break out a small handheld mirror and get to work on making faces for each feeling with your little one. All those mirror selfies will come in handy for this one. 

Hold the mirror up to your toddler's face and say, “Show me your sad face.” Together, make your most exaggerated sad face. 

For added teaching moments, give a scenario followed by what face you would make if that situation actually happened. 

“Your ice cream cone dropped to the floor. Oh no! Show me your sad face.” 

“You got a new toy for your birthday. Yay! Show me your happy face.” 

This works wonders because your toddler not only sees you modeling situations and the faces you make, but he can see his own face too and recognize what his emotions look like. 

You’ll have a blast with this one. 

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2. Books

Books are one of the best ways to teach little kids about their feelings. You can either buy a book directly related to teaching emotions or read any book and point out the character’s feelings. 

Ask wh- questions as you read. No worries if your child is too young to answer back. Ask the question. Wait. And then answer for your toddler.  

Who is feeling sad? 
What happened to the boy? 
Why do you think he is so happy? 
_______ happened. How do you think that makes her feel? 
_______________ happened. What do you think will happen next? 

Some of the books I like related to feelings are…

• Happy
• What To Do When You Feel Like Hitting
• How Do I Feel? A Book About Emotions

3. Dolls/Stuffed Animals

Every kid probably has a handful of dolls and stuffed animals lying around. In fact, we got our son a little stuffed doll that looks like him that we named Lil’ Hen. 

Use these dolls or stuffed animals to act out situations. For example, Henry has been potty training, and he has been a little (and by a little I mean very) afraid of pooping on the toilet. 

I use his Lil’ Hen doll or favorite stuffed animal (Mr. Penguin) to act out trying to poop on the toilet. I talk about how they were scared beforehand but afterwards felt proud. Henry watches me act out these scenarios with fascination. 

If your toddler has been having an issue with hitting or biting, act it out with stuffed animals. Have one get angry and hit the other. Then, talk through how the animal that got hit would feel afterwards. 

I really like the stuffed animal WhatsItsFace because you can change the face of the animal to match the emotion. It has a happy, angry, sad, surprised, sleepy, and excited face. 

Act out each of these emotions and have your children find the face to match. As your kids grow, they can act out situations to match the face. 

Let your creativity loose with stuffed animals and dolls when it comes to emotions. 

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4. Markers and Construction Paper

Break out the markers and construction paper and draw different faces with different emotions. Point them out and have your toddler guess which feeling the face is conveying. 

You can even teach them that different colors convey emotions. For example, angrily scribble red lines everywhere and explain how red can mean anger. Or use green to represent envy or disgust. 

Then, let your little one take over with the markers and paper. You can give them prompts like: “How would you draw someone who is sad?” or let them have free reign. But whatever you do, do not correct them or tell them what to draw. There is no right or wrong here. 

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5. Music

Using music to teach emotions might be a little advanced for younger toddlers to truly grasp, but it is a great teaching method to help them understand the abstractness of feelings. 

Play different tempos of music and talk about what emotions they represent. For example, a head-banging, heavy metal tune could mean anger while the gentle flow of a babbling brook can mean peaceful, content, happy. 

Next, allow your children to make their own music with real instruments or makeshift ones. Banging loudly on pots of pans can be used to convey fury or anger. Just like with the markers, let your kids take over with this one. 

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Wrapping It Up 

Whichever way you decide to use, remember that there is no wrong way to teach emotions as long as you are talking about them consistently and truthfully. 

Discovering their feelings is BIG for toddlers, and they don’t want to be left alone with them. Start by talking about them once a day or pick one of these methods to try each day. 

You don’t have to spend hours discussing feelings at length. Just 5-10 minutes here and there. 

You’ll discover a big difference once you all start talking about them more. A happier kid with more positive behaviors. 

For a video on how I am using sign language to teach emotions click here. 

And for the checklists I use when my toddlers have BIG emotions click here. 

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I have always wanted to write a children’s book. Probably since I was young. In fact, teachers and college professors told me that I should write a children’s book. But an idea for a story never came to mind until I had a child of my own. 

When Henry was born, he had a lot of hiccups. And out of that Henry’s Hiccups was born. 

Robert Munsch was and still is one of my favorite children’s authors. I love the silliness and repetition of his books. The design of this book was inspired by him.

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What is the story about? 

Henry is a happy student until he encounters a problem. He can’t get rid of his hiccups. 

He tries a number of ways to get rid of them, but no matter what he does his hiccups keep getting in the way of correctly answering the teacher’s questions. 

That is until he discovers a new way of answering questions without speaking – sign language.

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Why is this story important to me? 

1. I reached a lifetime goal. 

Writing and publishing this story helped check out a lifetime goal of mine. It certainly wasn’t easy. I queried and sent in my manuscript to upward of 30 publishers. 

I heard back from TWO of them, and they were both no’s with very little feedback besides “Thank you for sharing your story with us. Unfortunately, it isn’t a right fit for us.” 

That was hard, but the silence was harder. I kept imagining that my manuscript was sitting in a huge pile of unread stories. 

I soon learned that I was right, and this unread pile was called a slush pile. I learned this in a Publishing a Children’s Book class. After the class, I realized that self-publishing was the way to go. 

It wasn’t admitting defeat. It’s actually becoming more and more popular with so many sites helping you with self-publishing, and more and more authors wanting to have full ownership and say in their stories. 

After a few more failed attempts at getting my story published with a traditional publisher, I started my self-publishing journey. 

And that’s why I am so proud of my book. It’s all done by me or someone I know. 

2. My illustrator is a former, deaf student of mine. 

Which brings me to my next reason why this book is so important to me. I teetered with the idea of hiring an illustrator, but since the book features a deaf character, I really wanted a deaf illustrator. 

JoJo, a former student of mine, was just the person to ask. They was one of the first students I had in class as a teacher. Their artwork was brilliant back then, and I always thought they had amazing talent. 

We had kept in touch over the years, and I had approached they once about illustrating my book, but they was hesitant to do so because they didn’t have any credentials or professional experience. I didn’t care about that. 

I knew they was talented, so I kept pestering they to do it. JoJo finally agreed. And I was so excited. 

JoJo illustrated and brought Henry’s Hiccups to life better than I could have ever imagined. It makes me so proud to have one of my former, deaf students illustrating this book. 

3. My book is diverse and represents my family.

Another reason and the most important reason Henry’s Hiccups is so important to me is because it’s about my son. As a biracial boy who has one black parent and one white parent, I don’t see a lot of representation of biracial families in children’s books (although this past year it has gotten better). 

This book normalizes having a biracial family without the focus being on that. The family just exists in the background of the story. I want readers to have the takeaway, “Ohh, there’s a biracial family. Cool. Move on.” 

The same is true for the deaf character in my story, Natalie (named after JoJo’s best friend in high school in real life and also a former, deaf student of mine). The focus isn’t on Natalie’s deafness. She is a character that exists in everyday life, and it shows how deaf and hearing people can be friends. 

Oftentimes, deaf people have to adapt to a hearing world, and they have to accommodate the hearing people who come into their world. But, in the story, Henry knows sign language. He adapted to Natalie’s world because his friendship with her is important. 

None of that was said, but that’s how I imagined it when I drew up the idea for having a deaf character be friends with Henry. Maybe an idea for a second book - the background to Natalie and Henry’s friendship. 

When writing the book, I loved the idea of sharing my love of sign language with the world and knew it made a great secondary piece to the story. 

I share 10 basic signs to learn in the back of the book. They are also illustrated by a former, talented, deaf student of mine, Dunia Etulu. 

All of these reasons together make me super excited to share this book with you. 

​

I hope you enjoy Henry’s Hiccups as much as I have with creating it. It’s a fun, silly story with so much more packed into it.

​

It’s one of those nights.
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The kind of nights where my toddler does not want to go to bed and has made this abundantly clear by his squirms and whines and protests as I try to change his diaper and put on his pajamas.

This post originally appeared on A Fine Parent.

He doesn’t want to listen to Mommy. He’s tired of her telling him what to do. And frankly, I don’t blame him.

Toddlers live in a world where they are constantly told “No,” what to do, and how to behave all day, every day. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that this would get tiring for them; resisting is often just an attempt to insert some independence!

So what do I do? Instead of yelling and persisting full steam ahead, I take a pause and then pick up his little pajama top and try a different tactic.

“Hmmm… does this go on your knee?”

He stops and stares at me.

“Nooo, does it go on your feet?”

He starts to giggle.

“Nope, not there. Hmm. Silly Mommy. Where does it go? I need your help!”
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Just like that, my toddler’s confidence has been raised a notch and he starts to help. He feels smart and in charge. And I, playing the fool, have him just where I want him.

Why Do We Want to Boost Our Child’s Confidence?

It’s easy to believe in the notion that we, the parents, are the ultimate authority figures and our children must be compliant little beings.
While it is true that parents are in charge, we also want to make our children feel confident and their emotions validated. This is true for children of all ages, but it is especially important in the toddler years, when children begin to get a better understanding of who they are and what they can do.
Along with that better understanding may come frustration. For toddlers, as compared to their older counterparts, frustration may feel like:

• They are always being told to be careful
• They are weaker than everyone else
• They are slower than everyone else
• They can’t communicate as well as everyone else
• They are constantly being told to say “thank you,” “please,” and “sorry”
• They are totally dependent on the adults around them
• 
  

Should we really feel surprised that our toddlers, who may feel those things day in and day out, will show us their frustration by acting out, defying, throwing a tantrum, and whining?!
Boosting a child’s confidence has many benefits across an array of developmental areas, including:

• Emotional development: Children with healthy self-esteem have the confidence to try new things, even after they fail. They take responsibility and know how to act independently. They have positive thoughts about themselves and are proud of what they can do.
• Motor skill development: Boosting a child’s confidence allows them to try new activities that strengthens motor skills due to the extra practice ensured to sharpen the skills.
• Communication development: High self-esteem helps kids ask for assistance when needed and aids in making good decisions in the face of pressure.
• Social development: Kids with confidence have the ability to choose good friends who won’t treat them poorly and around whom they feel comfortable. This leads to building long-lasting, positive relationships.

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When we reverse a child’s lower self-esteem and give them ways to feel confident, they are more likely to be cooperative to our requests. A more confident and cooperative child makes for a happier household!

How Can We Boost Our Child’s Confidence?

Clearly, boosting our child’s confidence has benefits that help set them up for success throughout the whole of their childhood. The question is–how exactly do we do that? Read on to explore the best ways to boosting confidence and therefore decreasing behaviors!
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#1: Play the Fool
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In his book, Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Harvey Karp offers some suggestions on how to boost our toddler’s confidence, starting with playing the fool. Much like pretending to not know how to put my son’s pajamas on correctly, Dr. Karp recommends using this strategy 10-20 times a day, and ensures parents that within a week they will begin to see their toddlers automatically become more cooperative.

I often play the fool with my toddler during the routine, everyday tasks that my son begrudgingly has to do. For example, during dinnertime when he is upset about being taken away from playtime, I play the fool. I can do this in a number of ways according to Karp:

• Be a baby. I’ll whine and reach out toward his food like a baby saying, “Mine. Mine. Please. I want. I want.” This silly behavior usually elicits an exasperated response from my son. “Gosh, Mommy is acting strange like a baby. Not me. Look how I eat like a grown-up.”
• Be pompously incorrect. Although my son might have potatoes and carrots on his plate, I will say something like, “Look, you have apples and oranges on your plate. Yum.” He’ll correct or giggle at my mistake, but I’ll continue to insist that I am right.
• Be a pushover. I’ll ask my son to eat an astronomically high number of pieces of chicken, which I know he won’t do. When he refuses, I will defeatedly exclaim that he won! “Eat ten pieces of chicken please. Pleasseeee. Pleaseeeee! No? Fine. You can eat two pieces. You win. You always win.”

‘Playing the fool’ also works wonders when fear is involved in something our child doesn’t want to do, such as going to the doctor or dentist. As soon as they realize they are “smarter” than these two professions, their confidence builds and cooperation becomes easier.

Finally, ‘playing the fool’ can be an effective strategy when a toddler prefers one parent over the other in a situation. Normally, I am the one who puts my toddler to bed, but some nights my husband does it. My toddler used to protest and beg for me. Instead of giving in, we played the fool.

I would tell my son that Daddy would be putting him to bed and that he would have to help Daddy with the bedtime routine because Daddy was silly and would mess it up.

My husband, in on the act, would play this up and purposefully act as if he was going to mess it up. “I am going to put a new diaper on your head” or would pretend to sit on my son’s lap to read a bedtime book. My son soon learned that bedtime with Daddy wasn’t so bad. Afterall, he was smarter than Daddy when it came to the nighttime routine.
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Worried that ‘playing the fool” will make your toddler lose his respect for you or be bad if done too much? Dr. Karp says this:
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“Not at all. Your child knows you’re not really weak or a baby. You’re his ultimate hero. You’ll never lose his respect just because you goof with him a little bit. In fact, he’ll love you even more for it. Think of playing the boob as an ancient form of flattery (a fundamental tool of diplomacy). It’s like buttering up the king: ‘Oh, Your Lordship, you are soooooo strong!’”

#2: Gossip About Your Child

Yes, you heard that right! Go ahead and talk about your child in a way that guarantees  they will overhear you talking about them, while pretending that you don’t even notice they are there.

I’m talking about doing your best exaggerated whisper yell, hands cupped to your mouth, the most dramatic imitation of gossiping possible to whomever or whatever (Daddy, a stuffed animal, a toy) is nearby.

But here is the catch. You are not not going to drone on about all the things they did wrong. You are going to reiterate what they did well by using concrete examples.

“Psstttt, Teddy, guess what your boy did today? When Mr. Dinger went off, he went straight upstairs to get ready for bed without even crying!!! Can you believe that? Should we clap for him?” 

Dr. Karp suggests that gossiping green lights good behavior and can be an effective strategy to boost confidence, starting around 15-18 months. Why can this strategy be helpful?

Well, think about how confidence works for us, as adults. What do we prefer more: Our significant other directly telling us that we are doing a good job or overhearing them bragging about it to someone else? I would bet that most people would choose the latter. Overhearing a positive remark that was not necessarily meant for our ears can often feel more authentic!

Toddlers feel the same way. If it’s being whispered as a secret, Mommy must really mean it. It must be important and I should pay close attention. 

Gossiping fills up a toddler’s self-esteem cup. It’s hard to stay within the strict boundaries that so many adults set up. Overhearing all the things they did right makes them confident in themselves and more likely to continue doing those actions.

#3: Give Responsibilities to Our Children

According to  Dr. Jazmine McCoy, who runs her popular site, The Mom Psychologist, 2-3 year-old toddlers are old enough to be given chores. She goes on to say that chores are a great way to teach our children responsibility and the value of contributing to the household. Toddlers this age love being helpful and doing chores helps them feel confident and important.

In our household, our son has the responsibility of throwing things away in the trash and being in charge of his checklist. His nighttime routine hangs in our room and after he completes each item, he can go over to the checklist and check it off, which he so proudly does.

When giving children chore responsibilities, make sure they are age appropriate so as to ensure that frustration doesn’t interfere! Read on for age-appropriate options:
Ages 2-3:

• Put toys away in the toy box
• Fetch diapers + wipes
• Stack books on the shelf
• Wipe up spills
• Retrieve dishes from dishwasher
• Throw trash away
• Place dirty clothes in the hamper

Ages 4-5:

• Choose clothes to wear and dress self
• Make bed
• Water flowers
• Use a hand-held vacuum
• Help bring in light groceries
• Dust with a cloth
• Match socks together

Ages 6-9:

• Sweep the floors
• Rake the yard
• Help make bagged lunch
• Clean their bedrooms
• Vacuum
• Load and empty the dishwasher
• Put away their laundry

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All of these little ways throughout the day can boost a toddler’s self-esteem in no time and make for a happier home; one where a toddler can feel confident, capable, and cooperative.

4: Establish Connections With Your Children

Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids, recommends establishing emotional connections and strong bonds with your child at an early age. These connections lead to more resilient and confident kids later in life.
What does this look like?

Dr. Markham emphasizes the need for physical touch and sharing simple, intimate moments like laughing together, snuggling, kissing a boo-boo, discussing a hard decision, and spending time in nature. Strong bonds do not require elaborate thought and entertaining your child 24/7 but rather just being present in your child’s life.

In our house, we do time-ins or as Dr. Markham refers to, “special time.” Our time-ins are planned or unplanned bits of time scattered throughout the day. They are usually 10-30 minutes of uninterrupted, technology-free time in which we simply spend time with our child by playing, talking, strolling, reading, or quietly observing our son.

In a busy, distracted world it’s easy to always be on the go or checking a device; but by doing intentional time-ins we build those needed connections with our son and lose the guilt from when we do have to be on our phones or working on our computers.
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When we see that our son is particularly whiny or frustrated, we try to pause and do an unplanned quick time-in to fill up his emotional bank. Once that is full, he has the confidence to play on his own. Time-ins make for a happier home, less stressed parents, and confident children.

The 2-Minute Action Plan

As you take the next two minutes to reflect on your current parenting practices centered around boosting your child’s confidence, here are some questions to contemplate:

• Does your toddler often seem defiant, uncooperative, and frustrated?
• Does he seem unwilling to listen to anything you ask him to do?
• Do you feel like you are telling your toddler “no” all day long?
• Does your toddler often have a meltdown going from one activity to the next?
• Would you like for your toddler to be more cooperative?

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If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, you might want to consider some of the strategies above to boost your toddler’s confidence.

The Ongoing Action Plan

As you move forward in your parenting journey, consider trying out the strategies we just reviewed. It can be helpful to try one strategy at a time, while also tracking your child’s behavior- this process can aid in our understanding of what strategy works best in boosting our child’s confidence! You can try the following steps:

1. Start by keeping track of how many meltdowns your child has throughout the day for 3 to 7 days. This is your baseline!
2. Implement the ‘playing the fool’ confidence booster into your household. Do this about 10 times a day for 3 to 7 days. Continue to keep track of those tantrums.
3. The next week, try doing the ‘gossiping’ strategy. Keep track of tantrums!
4. In the third week, give your toddler household chores. Continue tracking tantrums.
5. For the fourth week, start doing time-ins or special time. Track those tantrums!
6. At the end of the month, take a look at the data you’ve gathered and see how it compares to where you started. Take a look at what strategies seemed to have helped in the greatest way. Also, reflect on your child’s confidence as you can see in their willingness to try new things. Be persistent and flexible!

Running. Writing. Reading. Traveling. Scrapbooking. Yoga. Volunteering. Those were some of my many passions and hobbies in life that gave me great fulfillment prior to having a baby. I nourished each one of those on the regular. 

By the time my son was born, I was down to reading and doing something that might be called running (but was more like shuffling) from my List of Passions. Oh, and shoveling food down my face with one hand if that counts. 

As a new mom, I knew that life would be altered once I had a baby. I fully expected that I would have to give up some of the hobbies that I so enjoyed before, and I was okay with that. I threw myself into motherhood with all the zest and joy I had for my other passions. 

What I didn’t expect was the mental load. It made me bitter. It made me feel as if I was carrying the weight of this new baby all on my shoulders. 

Why were there so many decisions to make and why did I feel as if I were the one making them all?

Mental load consumed my thoughts throughout the day and left me run ragged at night with little or no time for myself. I was floundering. 

After a few months in, I knew something had to change. I knew I had to reclaim my Unicorn Space.

​Lauren Barrett Writes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Read more about these links in my disclosure policy.

At the time, I didn’t know that Unicorn Space was the term for what I so desperately craved in life. 

But then I read it in Eve Rodsky’s book Fair Play. And it made perfect sense. It completely justified everything I had been feeling, thinking, and saying. 

Your Unicorn Space is something special just for you. It brings your joy. It fills up your cup. It ignites your passion. It gives you purpose. 

Every human has a desire and need for their Unicorn Space. It’s right there in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs labeled as Esteem Need and then finally rising to Self-Actualization. 

We all deserve the time to nurture our Unicorn Space, granted that our basic needs and the needs of those around us are being met. 

Your Unicorn Space can be paid or unpaid. Your job or something else. It can fall into one of these categories: 

• Hands - Crafting, Cooking, Baking, Drawing, Painting
• Heart (Connection) - Volunteering, Charity Work, Traveling, Civic Engagement
• Heart (Pumping) - Skydiving, Skiing, Cycling, Surfing
• Head - Speaking, Writing, Teaching, Being an influencer
• Higher - Church, Meditation, Spiritual Teaching, Synagogue 

Whatever you choose, you then should have a fair amount of time to grow and sustain your Unicorn Space

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Mental load in motherhood can look like many things, but basically it is all those tiny, seemingly invisible things that all together help run a household smoothly. 

Mental load disproportionately falls on the shoulders of moms in a typical household. 

It's the remembering everything, having a running to-do list in your head, multitasking, organizing, planning, refilling, reminding, and fixing that happens all day everyday. 

Here are the statistics: 

• 69% of working moms say their household responsibilities create a mental load.
• 52% of them are burnt out from it all.
• Nearly 30% of working mothers said they do the bulk of the household chores.
• 84% of stay-at-home moms don’t get a break from parenting after their partner comes home.
• 69% of mothers say they devote 5 or more hours a day to child/household duties.

And some of them are grim. 

• Research shows that when 60% or more of the parenting responsibilities fall to mom, the relationship between mom and dad suffers.

But some of them are reassuring. 

• The good news is that modern dads are spending 3x as much time with their children than dads two generations ago and are helping out more.​​
• 
  

And some of them are critical

• One of the number one things Moms can do to relieve their mental load is to talk about it and delegate with their partners and make time for themselves. 

I was fascinated with mental load after having a baby. I researched and wrote about it. I talked about it with my husband ad nauseum. 

Why were moms more often than not the victims of it? Were men just immune to mental load? Were they biologically incapable of experiencing it? 

Then, I discovered Fair Play. And I proposed a game with James. 

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But first, what is Fair Play? Fair Play is a book written by Eve Rodsky. The book also inspired a card game to play with your partner

Taken straight from Fair Play’s website: 

Tired of being the “she-fault” parent responsible for all aspects of her busy household, Eve Rodsky counted up all the unpaid, invisible work she was doing for her family—and then sent that list to her husband, asking for things to change. His response was . . . underwhelming. Rodsky realized that simply identifying the issue of unequal labor on the home front wasn’t enough: She needed a solution to this universal problem. Her sanity, identity, career, and marriage depended on it.

The result is Fair Play: a time-and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up domestic responsibilities. Rodsky interviewed more than five hundred men and women from all walks of life to figure out what the invisible work in a family actually entails and how to get it all done efficiently. With four easy-to-follow rules, 100 household tasks, and a figurative card game you play with your partner, Fair Play helps you prioritize what’s important to your family and who should take the lead on every chore from laundry to homework to dinner.

Fair Play made sense to me after reading it. Something clicked. 

Maybe if James and I could physically see how many cards each of us held, we would realize all that the other did and work to make our household responsibilities fairer and alleviate some of my mental load. 

I knew I had to give it a shot. 

I liked how there were concrete rules: 

1. All Time is created equal. 
2. Reclaim your right to be interesting. 
3. Start where you are now. 
4. Establish your values and standards. 

I liked how there were different categories for the 100 household tasks: 

1. Home
2. Out
3. Caregiving
4. Magic
5. Wild
6. Unicorn Space

I liked how Eve offered solutions to the 13 mistakes couples will make.

And I was pretty sure James would appreciate the overall efficiency of the game. Now, I just had to get him to play. 

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I knew if I wanted to get James to play I couldn’t make Fair Play out to be a gigantic lecture or like I was out to get him. 

So, I sent him an invitation inviting him to play and empathized that there would be food and drinks served. He thought that was cheesy but RSVPed that he would go and actually showed up to our living room after our son went to bed. 

This is how we played. 

1. We laid out all the cards and began taking out the ones that don’t apply to us right now. (i.e. taking care of a pet, helping with your child’s homework)

2. I handed out the remaining cards to what we currently do. This is something you don’t have to do, but I wanted James to see how many cards I actually had. 
*Eve advises you to not keep score, but I felt obligated to let him know all the invisible work I do hehe*

3. Lay out the cards again. Now this time take turns picking out the Daily Grind cards. 

Some cards have a small coffee cup listed next to them. That signifies Daily Grind. These are the responsibilities that most likely have to take place every day (dishes, making dinner, putting kids to bed). 

One partner should not hold all the Daily Grind cards. They should be distributed fairly. 

In our household, James is in charge of all things food, cooking, groceries, meal-prepping, and takeout. I am in charge of cleaning and putting Henry to bed most nights, waking him up in the morning, and handling his naps. It’s our preference. 

4. Now, sort out the remaining cards. First, we started by preference and then we negotiated the cards we didn’t want. 

Remember just because you have a card now, it doesn’t mean that you are stuck with it forever. You can resort every week or month. 

And also remember that some cards can be Doubled-Up - when partners “share” one card. 

5. Draw your Friendship, Self-Care, and Unicorn Space cards. 

Each partner gets these cards and should be allotted time to nourish these cards. When you draw these cards, you should establish how often and when that will happen. 

For example, my Unicorn Space is writing and blogging and James’ Unicorn Space is trading. Wednesday nights James handles the bedtime routine, so I can have extra time or sometimes James will take Henry to the grocery store with him. 

6. Go over CPE. 

CPE stands for conception, planning, and execution. This is very important. 
It means that if you have a certain card, you are in charge of CPE. 

For instance, if I have the card of Extracurricular and Packing/Unpacking (a card pairing that should go together), it is my responsibility to sign up/pay for my son’s swim lessons, mark it on the calendar, plan how I am getting him there, pack his bags, and unpack them when I get back. 

James doesn’t have to do anything except ask how it went.

Another example, if James has the bedtime routine for the night, he is in charge of it all. The full CPE. I shouldn’t have to think about it at all. 

Because we all know that women spend a great amount of time conceiving and planning something but yet our partners will take credit for the task if they execute it. 

No, no. Not with Fair Play. If you have the card, you CPE it. 

Of course, there are extreme circumstances where you have to break down CPE, but Eve advises against it. 

7. Go over your Minimum Standard of Care. 

Your partner won’t do things quite like you do it and vice versa, and that’s okay, but there needs to be a Minimum Standard of Care established. 

For example, I am a little extra with the Bedtime Routine. Henry and I have our own thing. I shouldn’t expect James to do all that I do. 

BUT, the Minimum Standard of Care in our household is that he has to at least brush his teeth, read a book, say prayers, and sing a song. And I need to be okay with that. 

Establish a Minimum Standard of Care for anything you are concerned your partner won’t meet expectations and vice versa. 

8. Make a list of who has what and play fairly. 

Now, it’s time to play fairly. So far, it is working for us. We know our roles, and we have stuck with them. 

9. Redraw when necessary. 

We haven’t had to redraw, but I am sure we will soon now that summer is almost over, and teaching and coaching are starting soon. We are also moving, so some new roles will need to be established. 

​

Both James and I have been very happy with Fair Play. We each feel more valued and less stressed. My mental load has decreased, and I am relishing in my Unicorn Space. 

Fair Play is something you need to play for life. It ultimately increases your communication as a couple and makes you feel like a team. 

James and I even high-fived after playing. Something he doesn’t let me do a lot because he says I am too eager for it. 

So you know Fair Play is a win!

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This summer has been the Summer of Pom Poms. I am not sure why it took me so long to discover how great Pom Poms are but alas here we are. 
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My son loves Pom Poms! They are a toddler activity that is guaranteed fun. Besides just being a fun, entertaining activity, Pom Poms have helped my son develop some pretty important skills. 

Benefits of Playing With Poms

• Encourages independent play
• Increases creativity
• Improves fine motor skills
• Develops hand-eye coordination
• Works on basic math skills

I have been a teacher for 10 years now. Before that, I worked with preschoolers at a Summer Day Camp and babysat regularly. 

Entertaining kids, planning schedules, and creative play are passions of mine that I have studied in my undergraduate and graduate programs and researched extensively. 

BUT, I never realized how beneficial and wonderful Pom Poms are until now!

Lauren Barrett Writes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you.

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​My 7 Pom Pom Ideas-Let’s Get Rolling

1. Pom Pom Bath
This one I have to admit I borrowed from Busy Toddler. After seeing it on her Instagram page a few times and my friend sending me the link to this activity, I decided to give it a try and see what all the hype was. 

Well, a Pom Pom bath is a hit! My son did not want to get out of the bathtub. He loved scooping and dumping the Pom Poms using plastic cups. 

All I did was buy a few bags of colorful Pom Poms and dump them in the bathtub. I put in some cups and my son did the rest. 

The clean up is super easy too. Get a colander and scoop up the Pom Poms. They dry pretty easily. 

Warning: Depending on the kind of drain you have, the little Pom Poms can go down the drain easily. 

Pro Tip: Don’t show or tell your child how to play with the Pom Poms. Let him figure out and then sit back and be amazed at your toddler’s creativity. 

Skills working on: Independent play and creativity.

Supplies Needed: 

• Pom Poms
• Cups for scooping

2. Color Sort
I was skeptical of whether my son would actually enjoy this next activity, but he did once he understood what to do. 

I took some painter’s tape and made a big chart on our floor. 4 rows and 4 columns. 

Then, I showed him how to sort by colors. This red one goes here. Does this yellow one go with the red one? No. The yellow one goes here. 

After modeling what to do, I took a step back. This is important. Resist the urge to want to correct every wrong one. I wanted to see what he would do. 

And guess what? He didn’t get it right at first or the next time. But after a few more repeated attempts and modelings, I happened to glance over, and he was doing it.

I heard him whisper to himself when he would find a wrong color with a sort, No, and then he would correct himself. 

Skills working on: Independent play, categorizing, colors

Supplies Needed: 

• Pom Poms
• Painters Tape

3. Counting
This next idea is one that you might have to sit down and play with your toddler, depending on his age level. 

I bought a big die from the Dollar Store and wrote the numbers 1-6 on it. Then, I put all the Pom Poms in one large bin. I used the graph from the previous activity (4 by 4 chart made with the painters tape).

I would have my son roll the die. Together, we would say what number it landed on. Whatever that number was, we would count out that many Pom Poms and place them in the chart.

After a few rounds of doing it together, I always like to step back and see how my son would do it on his own. 

Pro Tip: Once you take a step back, don’t correct or ask questions. Just narrate and use a strategy called Parallel Talk or Tracking.  

Skills working on: Independent play and counting.

Supplies Needed: 

• Pom Poms
  
• Painters Tape
  
• Dry Erase Dice
  
• Bins
  

4. Pretend Play
It’s time to get imaginative on this next activity and encourage that pretend play.

When encouraging pretend play, you often want to mix items from the real world with pretend items. 

What I did was take some of our real frying fans and mixing spoons and then I combined those with the Pom Poms. The Pom Poms became our “meatballs.” 

My son loved mixing the Pom Poms in the frying pans and pretending like he was making something. He has one of those toy kitchens and after a while he brought the Pom Poms over to that to “boil,” “fry,” “bake,” and “serve” them. 

Pro Tip: This is a great time for a 10-minute time-in. Sit with your child and let him take the lead, joining in on the fun. After the time-in step back and let him continue playing on his own.

Skills working on: Independent play and creativity.

Supplies Needed: 

• Pom Poms
  
• Real items from around the house
  

5. Scooping
This next activity was a big hit with my son. I think he could literally play with this activity for hours. 

What I did was have two muffin tins side by side, but you could use two bins or pots or whatever you have around the house. 

In one of the muffin tins I put all the Pom Poms and for an element of surprise wrapped it in tissue paper. The other tin was left uncovered. This got Henry interested in what was going to happen.  

I instructed him to break, tear, or rip through the tissue paper to see what he would find. Then, I showed him how to scoop the Pom Poms from one bin to the other.

And kids love this! Eventually, he began scooping the Pom Poms into his dump trucks and that was fine with me. 

Pro Tip: Have your child scoop and sort by color from one tin into the next. 

Skills working on: Independent play, fine motor skills, and sorting.

Supplies Needed: 

• Pom Poms
  
• Muffin tins or Bins
  
• Spoons for scooping
  

6. Pinching
This one is very similar to the previous one, but instead your toddler is going to use tongs. 

At first, this one was hard for Henry to grasp. Literally. But with a lot of encouragement and modeling, he eventually got the hang of it and had a blast pinching Pom Poms from one muffin tin to the next. 

You can do this in a number of ways. For starters, you can have your child use tongs to grab Pom Poms and transfer them from one muffin tin to the next.

Or you can use tongs for the color sort and counting.

Or you can do a whole new activity. Busy Toddler has a similar activity called Animal Tape Rescue. But you can adapt it for Pom Poms. 

Get a bin and fill it with a little water. Food coloring is optional for added fun. Add in the Pom Poms. Then cover the top of the bin with painters tape, leaving little slits for your toddler to reach in and “save” the Pom Poms. 

Warning: This is not easy, but it is a good workout for little hands and perseverance. 

Pro Tip: Really build it up that this is a rescue mission.

Skills working on: Fine motor skills and creativity.

Supplies Needed: 

• Pom Poms
  
• Bins or Muffin Tins
  
• Plastic Tongs
  
• Food coloring optional
  
• Painters Tape
  

7. Frozen Pom Poms
Want an easy activity on a hot day? Freeze the Pom Poms. It’s that easy and makes for a great water table and sensory bin activity. 

Another Busy Toddler favorite, all you have to do is put two Pom Poms in one ice cube tray and add a little water. Freeze it. And bam. That’s it.

Then recycle those bins and cups and spoons and tongs and let your toddler decide how she wants to play. 

Skills working on: Independent play, creativity, and fine motor skills

Supplies Needed: 

• Pom Poms
  
• Ice cube trays
  
• Various items around the house
  

What activity are you going to try with your toddler today?

I recently read Susie’s of Busy Toddler daily routine, and I realized her daily schedule has a lot of similarities to mine. I want to share mine as well.

I have been following this schedule with my toddler for about a year now. I’m a teacher and have the summers off, so this is my Summer/Weekends/Holiday Breaks Schedule. It is flexible, not rigid.

Keep in mind that I only have one child right now, and a schedule should be what works for you, not someone else. However, there are 10 productivity hacks I do every day that you can use in your daily routine to try out if you feel as if you can never get ahead in the day and aren't chasing time. 

My 10 Productivity Habits-Let’s Get Rolling

I have been a teacher for 10 years now. Before that, I worked with preschoolers at a Summer Day Camp and babysat regularly. 

Entertaining kids, planning schedules, and creative play are passions of mine that I have studied in my undergraduate and graduate programs and researched extensively on my own before you start comparing yourself to me. 

Lauren Barrett Writes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you.

1. Morning Routine
My morning routine is the single most important thing to my day. If it doesn’t go right, my day is thrown off. I can just tell. 

At this point in time, my son is almost 2 and a half, and he is sleeping till roughly 7:30 AM. 

I get up anywhere between 6:00-7:00. I let my body naturally wake me up, but I prefer to be up by 6:30, so I have at least an hour to myself. That is important -starting my day with myself.

Even though my son wakes up at 7:30, I don’t get him until 8:00 when his Hatch goes off. He is content playing in his crib and talking to himself. I think it is important for his self-development that he learns to be and play on his own. That is why I do not get him right away (And, you got me, I like the little bit of extra time to myself). 

You can read more in-depth about my morning routine here. But, I like to spend part of the time in silence and gratitude, and then I transition to straightening anything up and prepping for the day. Finally, I always set a morning goal. For me, it’s working on my Pinterest Page or my blog. 

With this solid morning routine, I feel refreshed and ready to go grab Henry from his room. I’m not distracted by all that I have to do, and I am able to administer my first time-in of the day. 

2. 5-Minute To-Do List
Now that my morning routine is complete, and I have gotten Henry up, dressed and downstairs, I like to have a solid game plan of what the day is going to look like and within that day I have my 5-Minute To-List fresh in my mind or written down in my planner or notes. 

A 5-Minute To-Do List is a list of tasks that can get done in, you guessed it, 5 minutes. I learned about this tip from the authors of Parenting While Working From Home. You’ll be amazed how many of these 5-minute windows you have throughout the day. It’s not enough time to start something major, but it’s enough time not to “waste.” 

I am a firm believer in sitting and enjoying the silence without always looking for a distraction, so sometimes on my 5-Minute To-Do List is exactly that. Sit and enjoy the peace, take a couple deep breaths, or say a prayer.

But if you are not wanting to do that for every 5-minute opportunity you have, here are some ways you can take advantage of the time: 

• Meditate
• Write your grocery list 
• Text a friend or family member asking how they are
• Read an email, article, or book
• Post or comment on social media
• Drink one entire glass of water
• Sing a song with your child
• Quick clean

Whatever you decide to do, have your list ready for when another 5-minutes comes your way and see how it makes you feel. 

3. Independent Play
While I am making breakfast and then later cleaning up the kitchen from it, I encourage independent play without the TV. 

Susie from Busy Toddler, on the other hand, was the opposite. She allowed her children to watch one show while she made breakfast and then encouraged independent play throughout the rest of the day. 

I normally do screen time in little increments throughout the day.  I try for the rest of the time, to set the expectation that Henry is going to play on his own with Mommy occasionally joining in to facilitate the play or do a needed time-in. But it really depends on how the day is going. 

Independent play was taught to Henry from an early age. The research on the benefits of it is too important to do without it.  

How do you get kids to play alone? 

• Talk about play often
• Set the expectation
• Use the Hatch to signify when independent begins and ends
• Use these easy-to-setup toddler activities and Theme of the Day ideas to make play fun and independent. 

Once your children have learned to play independently, you can sit back with your coffee and marvel at their creativity and wonder or read a book or do some work. Guess what? The choice is yours. 

4. Being Unbusy
Like Susie, I like being “unbusy.” That means while the kids are still toddler and preschool ages, they are not enrolled in a thousand activities that have you pulled in a thousand directions. 

Kids learn best through play at this age, and by gosh, I am going to let the kids play without breaking the bank on art classes, soccer camp, piano lessons. Instead our days are usually wide open, and we are free to do what we like. 

Your kids can get plenty of social interaction by playing with the neighborhood kids, going to local parks and playground, visiting the library and attending storytime there, setting up playdates with your friends’ kids, and hitting up the community pool.

5. Leave the House Every Day
Another thing that Susie and I have in common is that we leave the house every day. For us, we usually go somewhere in the morning and somewhere in the afternoon. 

Our morning excursion usually is a run in the neighborhood or a local trail. We try to leave the house at 9:30-10:00.

I run and push Henry in the stroller, and we try to go to a playground after my run. 
​
My morning run gives me the energy boost I need for the rest of the day, and it’s my time to listen to podcasts. I listen to them out loud so Henry can hear.

 I kill three birds with one stone this way. I get my exercise in. I get my learning in. Henry gets a free ride through nature and his exercise at the playground in. Henry is happy. I am happy. Win-win. 

Leaving the house doesn’t need to be extravagant. It can be a trip to Target or a visit to family. It can be a walk to the park or run to Chick-Fil-A. Doesn’t matter. Try to leave. Makes everyone happier. 

6. Nap Time Plan
We arrive back at the house between 11:30-12:00 and have lunch. Soon after lunch is NAP TIME. I love my son, but naps are super important to me. They make everyone happier in our household. Currently, Henry naps from 12:30-3:00.

Before the nap even begins I have a well-thought out strategy on how I want to use my time for nap. There are few things I want to accomplish during a nap: 

• I want to work on Lauren Barrett Writes (I have a list of tasks to accomplish each day).
  
• I want to read. 
  
• I want to nap myself (I only need 10-20 minutes to feel refreshed).
  
• Any other miscellaneous items I need to get done or want to do. 
  

I try to only do things that I know I can’t do while Henry is awake. Working on my computer is a big one. Watching my TV shows is another. Obviously napping and diving deep into a good book.

I typically don’t waste Nap Time doing any chores or cleaning because I can do those things while Henry is up. 

I also can shower and get ready while Henry is awake (I plop him in the big tub next to our shower stall, and he has fun splashing around. I can clearly see him). Although I will shower and get ready while Henry naps if a.) I want to leisurely take my time or b.) Need to be quick without a lot of interruptions. 

However you decide to use nap time/quiet time, have a plan so you can execute it efficiently as soon as your little one’s head hits the pillow. 

7. Nap Time Is Sacred
As I mentioned, nap time is important. I wear many hats: mom, wife, teacher, writer, reader, coach, antiracist, Christian, friend, etc. In order to nourish those areas, I need the nap time. 

Because of that, I am pretty strict with scheduling and going places during naps. Very rarely do I allow naptime to be skipped. Also, very rarely do I go anywhere during nap times. Nap allows me to work on my side hustle and passion projects. They are sacred. 

I have gotten pretty comfortable with saying “no” to things scheduled during those hours. 

I also don’t spend the whole nap cleaning and doing chores. I prefer to subscribe to the method of cleaning a little at a time. This is just an example: Monday I’ll spend 10 minutes dusting. Tuesday toilets. Wednesday sweep and vacuum. Etc. 

8. Social Media Days
I do love social media. I learn so much through Instagram and even FB now that I am in writer and parenting groups. However, I am well aware it can be an enormous time waster. That is why I have social media days. 

I randomly picked three days of the week-Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays-when I am allowed to scroll guilt-free through social media at any time I want for however long I want. The other days I don’t get on (most of the time). 

I end up not even spending that long on social media even on the days I can go on. It’s just become a habit. I check a few accounts that are informative, laugh at a few stories, and look at cute pictures of kids and dream of places to travel on traveling blogs. Then, I get off and resume my day. 

Try social media days to maximize productivity. If you want to get real about it, I have no social media in my 30-Day Challenge. 

9. Very Little TV Throughout the Day
Here, I would like to make a quick note on my TV-watching habits. I’ll be honest, I don’t really watch TV during the day. It’s not on in the background because I get too distracted. I reserve TV mostly for the night when spending time with my husband or during nap time when I need a break from the day.

10. Put Kids to Bed Early and Don’t Feel Guilty
So Henry usually wakes up at 3:00. After a snack, we try to leave the house again in the afternoon so the day doesn’t drag on until dinner. If we don’t, Henry plays until dinner at 6:00. James cooks. I clean up. Henry has some TV until the dinger goes off at 7:15-7:30. We do our bedtime routine and Henry is in his crib at 8:00. 

Henry doesn’t always fall asleep right away. Sometimes he isn’t even altogether sleepy judging by the way he is singing to himself and doing acrobats in his crib. But he is happy and learning an important skill of not needing Mommy and Daddy to fall asleep. 

Do I ever go back in to hold him just a bit longer? Absolutely. But the nights I don’t, I don’t feel guilty because the time spent after he goes to bed for myself and my marriage is really important as well. I wrap up the day by heading to bed at 10:00. 

And that’s my day!

As much as all parents hate toddler tantrums and do our best to avoid them with all the positive parenting strategies out there, tantrums are inevitable and will show up from time to time. 

We've all been there. Toddler is in the store and sees something she wants. 

She has to have it...NOW!!

We set our boundary of "no" and then hold it despite the mounting tears welling up behind your toddlers eyes. A wail escapes. 

It's happening! A meltdown. In the middle of the store. 

Before it starts to escalate to defcon 5, what do you do? 

Try this positive parenting hack that will almost guarantee to calm a toddler tantrum in under 2 minutes. 

Validate the Magnitude

Parents, you are going to do your best to remain calm despite the stares you might be getting from strangers. I highly suggest you close your eyes and take four deep breaths. 

Then...

You are going to validate the magnitude of your toddler's tantrums. Your toddler is having BIG feelings right now, and we, as parents, want to recognize that. 

​I first heard of this from Dr. Becky at Good Inside.

First, you want to OK the feeling. 

"You're feeling sad, angry, frustrated because you want the doll you saw. It's okay to feel sad, angry, frustrated." 

Then, you are going to hold your boundary.

"But I said you can't have a new toy today. I'm sorry that makes you sad."

Now, you are going to VALIDATE the MAGNITUDE

"How sad are you right now? Are you this sad? [Hold hands close to your body like you are measuring something] Are you this sad? [Continue to stretch your hands wider] Wow! You are this sad? [Stretch your hands really wide] That's really sad!"

Another way to frame it that works well with my toddler is to pick two points and gradually stretch those points to be farther and farther apart. 
​
"Are you as sad from the tippy tip of your head down to your itty bitty toe? Are you that sad? Or are you as sad as the top of the ceiling all the way down to the floor? Are you that sad? Wow! Or are you as sad from the top of the tree where the birds are all the way down to the dirt with the worms? Are you that sad? Are you as sad from way out to the sun all the way back to earth? That sad? That's really sad! 

Usually after one or two distances, my son's tears subside as he looks at me in curiosity. He's processing his level of sadness. And before long, his tantrum is over. 

Why it Works? 

By validating the magnitude, we are letting our toddlers know that we are taking their feelings seriously and telling them that what they are experiencing is a big deal. 

Our kids feel heard. 

Another thing, according to Dr. Becky, is that we are taking something abstract (the feeling) and making it concerte which is less confusing to toddlers. That's why I also like to use sign language when teaching my toddler about his feeling or in the middle of his tantrum.  

Our toddlers feel seen and understood, so...

They start to calm down. 

And you can carry on in peace with a whole room full of parents impressed by you. 

This article contains affiliate links. 

Parenting in the summer looks a lot different than it does in the other months of the year.

In fact, authors Shari Medini and Karissa Tunis of Adore Them Parenting, have a whole book, Parenting While Working From Home: A Monthly Guide to Help Parents Balance Their Careers, Connect with Their Kids, and Establish Their Inner Strength, dedicated to each month of parenting. Check it out. 

Whether you are a teacher off for the summer, working from home, a stay at home parent, or a parent going into the office, summer has a whole new vibe to it even if your kids are too young to be "off in the summer." The days are longer, more people are outside, and the workload of the other months seems to die down once Memorial Day hits. 

For that reason, I like to create a theme of the day for each day of the week, so the hot summer days don't drag on. Although I know that there occasionally will be  days when things pop up like vacation, family visits, and unavoidable appointments, I try to stick to this schedule throughout the whole summer. 

Kids like predictable routines. They thrive off it, so when they know what's coming they are more likely to cooperate and have better behavior. You can even create a schedule in Canva​ for each day of the week and show to your kids the night before. 

You can do a theme for all seven days of the week or just stick to the 5 days during the week and let the weekends be a free for all. You can double up on some days because you really enjoy one particular theme. Whatever you do, it's okay! The idea behind the themes is to be low stress and change things up.

​Since my son is younger and still naps, we usually follow a morning routine, including my own morning routine, of breakfast, play,  snack, walk/run, playground, and lunch before his nap and then hit up the theme in the afternoon. But whatever works for you is the way to go. 

For your older kids, get their input and ideas for summer themes for the week. Need help with some suggestions? I have 7 ideas below that I have/will be using with my son this summer.

1. Water Day
Water day is a kid favorite. It's exactly as it sounds. On this day, we are going to do an activity that involves water. Here are some ideas for the day: 

1. Pool
2. Splash pad
3. Kiddie pool in backyard
4. Water table
5. Beach
6. Aquarium 
7. Sprinkler and house
8. Slip n slide
9. Water gun battle
10. Water balloon fight
11. Water park
12. Tubing/kayaking in the river
13. Whitewater rafting
14. Bathtub fun

Feel free to do the same one each week or spice it up by picking a different one. And as always remember your water safety.  

2. Art Day
On this day, expect to get messy. Plan ahead by having mats, towels, or cardboard boxes to put down on the floor and a bucket of water to scrub up afterwards. Head to art store to get some inspiration and here are some art ideas too: 

1. Playdough
2. Paint
3. Coloring/drawing
4. Slime
5. Sewing/knitting
6. Bracelet making
7. Bead design
8. Paper mache 
9. Shaving cream art
10. Forts

3. Museum Day
Beat the heat and get indoors on Museum Day. Head to a local museum and let your kids wander around. Better if it's free. Some places to go: 

1. Science museum
2. History museum
3. Art museum
4. Kid museum
5. Space center
6. Aquarium 
7. Sports museum
8. Tours
9. Arcade
10. Any local museum pertinent to your area. Aluminum Tree and Ornament Museum anyone?

Other indoor ideas click here. 

4. Home Day
Home day is a day to catch up on things around the house or just lounge around. Some ideas on Home Day:

1. Laundry
2. Work
3. Cleaning
4. Sleep
5. Movies
6. TV shows
7. Podcasts
8. Reading books for fun

​It's a day where your kids might get more screen than normal and everyone might stay in his or her pajamas all day. No guilt allowed on this day. 

Get your kids involved in the chores too. For a list of age appropriate chores click here. 

5. Library Day
Another way to stay cool is to go to the local library. Besides having a number of books to read, the library has a lot of programs to entertain kids throughout the summer. Check them out! 

Can't leave the house? Create library day at home by

• spending the day reading and exploring books
• watching Online StoryTime
• Ordering a storykit
• acting out a story with Reader's Theater
• or even having your child create his own book. 

6. Cooking Day
A fun way to spend an afternoon is by adorning an apron and whipping up your favorite dish in the kitchen with the help of your kids. 

Before beginning, lower your expectations and then lower them some more. Remember cooking day is all about having fun and teaching your kids some basic cooking skills like measuring, mixing, and stirring. 

Head here to check out some kid friendly recipes. 

7. Park Day
This is a theme you might want to do in the morning to avoid the afternoon scorcher. It's as simple as it sounds. Head to a park on this day. If you live in a big city, you can choose a new park each week. 

At the park, delight in the walking trails, toss around a frisbee, or have a picnic. In my opinion, parks are some of the best things cities have to offer. 

Other activities to do: 

1. Play catch
2. Swing on the swings
3. Go on the paddle boats
4. Mini golf
5. Lie on a blanket
6. Bike ride
7. Bird watch
8. Fish
9. Play tag or another 90s childhood game
10. Fly a kite

I hope these ideas can you some inspiration to begin the Theme of Day for those dog days of summer. 

Since doing the day of the theme, I get excited for the next day instead of lamenting on what I am going to do all day. I am thrilled for you to join the Theme of the Day club! 

As always leave a comment below if you have any questions! And continue dreaming up those themes.