​Imagine this….you’re walking the aisles of Target, and your daughter sees a toy she wants. She whines for it. You say, “No.” She whines louder and louder and louder.

Or you just served a gourmet meal that you cooked for hours. Ten seconds into sitting down, your son proclaims that he isn’t eating it. He shoves his food away and demands for something else. He starts to cry.

Whew! The screams and cries pierce your ears. You get hot. You’re very triggered.
Now — go. How do you handle this?

When your child is having a hard time — in public, melting down, not eating, fighting with a sibling- do you sometimes have a hard time knowing what to do? 🙋‍♀️
So you resort to
🗣️yelling,
❌punishing,
🙅‍♀️threatening
🙏bribing
to make it stop?

Even though you know those things don’t have long term results?
​
But they sometimes have immediate benefits and that’s all that matters to you right now because you feel helpless!

​When we resort to yelling, punishing, threatening, and bribing, we might temporarily stop the problem, which, to be honest, is quite a relief when we have a child melting down or causing a scene.

It takes us out of the situation.

But here’s the problem, those solutions are only temporary and don’t ever actually teach your child a skill to replace the unwanted behavior.

So because your children haven’t learned ways on how to handle frustration, rejection, and disappointment, they’ll turn to what works — yelling, whining, screaming for long periods of time until you give in.

The cycle repeats itself.

Okay, but I’ve been learning positive strategies that have long term benefits, but they are so hard to remember to do in the actual moment!

If this is you, I get it. There are tons of strategies out there on Instagram, TikTok, blogs, and parenting groups.

But if you were like me, all of these strategies can be quite overwhelming and hard to know when I was actually supposed to use them.

Let alone when a child was screaming in my face.

So I created the CHECKLIST FRAMEWORK.

I gathered inspiration from high pressure jobs like airline pilots.

Pilots follow a series of routine checklists in order to ensure the maximum safety of their passengers.

I’ve rarely seen a pilot who isn’t calm and confident even when they are faced with some difficulties.

Why? Because everything is right there written down for them outlining what they need to do, and they have practiced it many times.

Let’s step back and imagine if, when faced with a challenge, your pilot started to freak out when you started to freak out, and instead of coming over the loudspeaker to ensure everyone that everything was going to be OK, they started yelling at you to be quiet and threatening you if you didn’t.

Chaos would ensue, and I guarantee things wouldn’t get better.
​
The same is true with our kids. They need calm, confident leaders who have control over the hard situations they throw at us.

Here’s how it works?

1️⃣ Choose from a list of strategies that work for you and your family.
2️⃣ Write them down on your checklist.
3️⃣ The next time you’re having a hard parenting moment, refer to your checklists that you have stored around your house or in your diaper bag and car.
4️⃣ Be the calm and confident leader that your child is more likely to respond to.
Just like how you feel calmer when your pilot or doctor knows what they’re doing, the same is true for your kids.

I even created a parenting guide, Now What?, to help you get started on your Checklist Framework. Choose from 70+ strategies that are all in one place to add to your checklists.
​
When life gives you a hard moment, simply run down your checklist until something works for either a.) You to feel calmer and less triggered or b.) Your child to feel calmer and less triggered.

​You are ready to have strategies in your toolkit that you can access anytime when you are struggling to think of what to do next when you have a hard parenting moment:

*Module 1: My Child Won’t Listen (Greenlight Behavior). Now What?
*Module 2: My Child Is Whining (Yellow Light Behavior). Now What?
*Module 3: My Child is Hitting, Kicking, Biting, Throwing (Redlight Behavior). Now What?
*Module 4: My Child Won’t Go to Bed. Now What?
*Module 5: My Child is in the Middle of a Tantrum. Now What?
*Module 6: My Child Won’t Eat. Now What?
*Module 7: My Child is Scared/Anxious. Now What?
*Module 8: My Child Prefers One Parent. Now What?
*Module 9: My Child Gives Up Easily. Now What?
*Module 10: My Child Won’t Play Independently. Now What?
*Bonus Module: Some Thoughts on Screen Time
​
Click here to learn more. ​

“I was spanked and punished when I was a kid, and I turned out fine.” 

“We got to prepare kids for the real world.” 

“Kids today have no respect.” 

“You’re going to let them walk all over? I feared my parents.”

If you are a parent and have decided to adopt gentle parenting, you might have heard one of those sentiments from a family member or even a spouse. 

If you have, I’m sorry. That’s frustrating. But you’re certainly not alone, and I’m here to help. 

1. Explain What Actually is Gentle Parenting and What It Is Not
2. Explain Why Gentle Parenting Is Beneficial 
3. Address That Information is Constantly Changing
4. Reflect on Whether We Actually Are Fine
5. Gentle Parent the Parents

First…

​

Gentle parenting is an evidence-based approach to raising happy, confident children. Gentle parenting, or authoritative parenting, focuses on respect, empathy, understanding, and boundaries. 

It is NOT permissive parenting, which is defined by its lack of discipline, enforcement of rules, and boundaries. These parents take on the role of friend, rather than parent. 

It is likewise NOT authoritarian parenting which focuses on obedience and punishment over discipline. The emphasis is on making kids feel sorry for their mistakes instead of teaching them how to make better choices the next time the problem arises. 

It is also NOT overprotective parenting, helicopter parenting, where you’ll do everything to protect your child from harm, rejections, hurt feelings, failures, and disappointment. 

And it certainly IS NOT uninvolved parenting where parents pay little attention to their kids and offer them little guidance. Kids are almost expected to raise themselves. 

While a parent can definitely fall into more than one category, it is important to explain what gentle parenting is and even more important to explain what is not when getting your family on board with your gentle parenting approach. 

Sometimes, family members might scoff at the approach of gentle parenting because they are confused about what gentle parenting actually is. They, in fact, might be confusing it for permissive parenting. 

Therefore, the first step is sitting all parties down and going over the definition and key terms of what gentle parenting is and is not, so everyone has a clear idea of what to expect. 

​

Now that you have established what gentle parenting is, I’ve put together some arguments about why gentle parenting is beneficial, and, in my opinion, the best style of parenting. 

As parents, our goal should be to raise kids to be good adults. Childhood is the time to give them the skills to become good adults. It's the time to teach. 

I have unfortunately heard adults who have criticized some of the approaches of gentle parenting say things like “No one is going to coddle you in the real world,” or something along those lines. 

While that may be true, I’d argue that no one is also going to feed, dress, and drive your child to work in the real world, and no one is going to read for them and write their emails for them. Yet, it would be absurd to expect our children to do any of those things themselves and then punish them when they couldn’t. When they are developmentally ready and we’ve taught them the steps to achieve these life skills themselves is when we can start to hand some control over to them. 

The same is true with communicating big feelings and emotions. Temper tantrums are 100% a normal part of a child’s development and the only way they will learn how to handle them is if we TEACH them how to handle them and not PUNISH them. Here is an article of the stages of emotional development. 

That’s where gentle parenting comes into play. The whole concept of it is to teach kids appropriate behaviors in place of inappropriate behaviors while still validating their kids feelings but ultimately showing that they are the confident and calm leader their child needs. 

The benefits of gentle parenting are immense. 

• Reduced anxiety
• Improved parent-child bond
• Positive social skills
• Gives children a voice which helps them be heard when they get older and speak up when necessary. 
• Grow up to be good self-advocates.
• Teaches them how to be resilient and take risks.
• Teaches them how to handle failure and disappointment. 
• Increases their self-esteem, confidence, and trust in their decision making.
• Focuses on preventing behavior before it starts (Greenlight behavior). 
• Upfront work for long term benefits.  

On the other hand, authoritarian parenting can have some lifelong negative consequences. 

• Self-esteem issues because their opinions aren’t valued
• Hostile and aggressive behaviors
• Can grow up to be good liars in order to avoid punishment. 
• May see immediate results based on fear, but the same behaviors will continue to arise frequently and intensely as the children are never taught appropriate behaviors to replace the ones their parents don’t want. 
• Can start equating love and fear to be synonymous. Do you really want your son or daughter to marry someone they fear?

The next step to getting all family members to accept gentle parenting is to explain the benefits of gentle parenting while lovingly explaining some of the downfalls to other styles of parenting. ​

Heraclitus said, “The only constant in life is change.” And that is especially true for parenting. Parents are not parenting the same way they did 1,000 years ago or even 100 years ago. 

Babies used to not sit in car seats. 
Parents were told to put their babies to sleep on their stomachs.
Kids would often quit school before high school to help out the family. 

As our society advanced and we learned new things, parenting practices changed as well. That has just been the way of the world. 

Parents did the best they could with the resources they had. But with new research, we adjust and adapt in hopes that we continue to leave the next generation better than the previous one. 

I’m sure when I get older and become a grandparent, there will be even new research about parenting out there. 

“When you are finished changing, you are finished.” - Ben Franklin

There is a lot of parenting information on the internet. At times, it can be overwhelming. 

Here are a few things I remember when I see new information: 
​

The third step is sharing these questions with your family members and inviting them to reflect on these new rules, boundaries, and discipline measures. Carefully, lay out what you expect everyone to do and say when it comes to gentle parenting. (i.e. if a child hits, we do xyz). ​

In the most loving way without pointing out a singular person, it could be beneficial to point out if we actually turned out fine like so many people who advocate for “old school” parenting like to say.  

It sounds funny. 

But so many people were never taught how to deal with frustrations, rejections, and conflict that these people grew up to have their tantrums manifest in different ways. 

Just go to Twitter or the comment section or even turn on the news. These people are throwing adult tantrums in a very unhealthy way! My 3 year old son can handle his frustrations better than some of these men and women. 

You might want to skip this step if you think your recipient will become combative (which is exactly my point), but otherwise it wouldn’t hurt to just reflect with others what turning out fine actually means. 

And I don’t know about you, but I want my son to turn out more than just fine. I want him to be the best version of himself. I want him to thrive and live up to his true potential.

​

Gentle parenting doesn’t just work on kids. It works on adults too. Lastly, when sitting down relatives to have this conversation, remember some of the key points of gentle parenting - validating all feelings and applying the Most Generous Interpretation (MGI). 

Here’s a conversation you might have…

“You’ve always taught me to __________, so I’ve been researching gentle parenting and really like the long term benefits of it.” 

In this first line, you are complimenting the parents for their style of parenting. 

“I’m hoping we can all get on board with it for the benefit of ________ [child’s name].” 

Here you are providing a poignant reminder that it’s all about the child whom you all love. 

“If we ask you to ________, we are not criticizing you. I know it’s hard to remember everything when you’re used to one way for so long. It’s been hard for me too. We just want us to all be consistent because that’s what is best for [child’s name].”

Again, remind them that we are all in this together and that you are applying the MGI if they make a mistake. 

“How would you like us to address any concerns to you?” 

Lastly, you are involving them in problem-solving and helping them meet their needs. 

Allow them to ask questions and make mistakes as long as they are open to learning and doing better. 

Gentle parenting works for all ages. I use it on my son. My teenage students. My husband (or at least I try 😂). 

But, I also give myself grace if I sometimes yell or lose my cool. 

The thing with gentle parenting is that it allows for mistakes and continued improvement. 

​

I hope that those five steps are enough for family members to get on board. 

Unfortunately, there will be people who simply won’t listen, become defensive, and criticize you still. 

If that is the case, I either recommend family therapy, parent coaching, conflict management and conflict resolution, or setting boundaries that limit the time you spend with this person.

Dr. John Delony is my favorite when it comes to walking you through hard stuff. 
___________________________________________________
There will also be times when random people will say something to your child that doesn’t align with your values. 

For example, I refuse to call my child shy to his face. But other people have. When they do, I usually say something like, “Ohh, he just likes to observe first before jumping in.” Then, I turn to my son and say, “It’s okay to take your time.”

I’m not making a big deal or lecturing people. My actions do the talking and my son knows that I’ve got his back. 

Likewise, if someone tells your child that they are making them sad by not listening or hugging them you can either talk to your child in private and explain that what the adult said was wrong or you can jump in and set the boundary straight, “Oh, we’ve been teaching our children that they don’t have to hug if they don’t want to. I’m sure you understand. You wouldn’t want someone just always hugging you.” 

Yes, this might be awkward and tough, but this is what we are literally teaching our kids - to do things that might be awkward and tough. 

Then, release any guilt about what the receiver of what you just said might be feeling. It’s on them. Not you. Listen to this if this is hard for you. 

___________________________________________________
If your family members decide to jump on board with gentle parenting, great! Now let’s set them up for success with the right tools. 

You can refer them to my blog - Laurenbarrettwrites.com to read my blogs on parenting strategies. 

Or they can join my email list where they can get monthly tips for free or weekly tips and a chance to submit questions in my Lauren Barrett Writes Insider’s Scoop Membership for a small fee. 

Or you can gift to them my book or course called Now What? Mindful Parenting Checklists for Life’s Hard Moments.

You got this!

​

At the time of writing this, it’s been 3 years and 4 months since the doctors told me that I could not get pregnant again for the foreseeable future. It would be too dangerous with my brain aneurysm. 

After receiving that diagnosis, I was a bit relieved. 

“Get pregnant again? No way. No time soon,” I thought to myself. After all, I had a 6 month old who still had some sleepless nights and battles at naptime. My body was still recovering from a c-section and everything postpartum. Breastfeeding and pumping were like full time jobs. And the memories of 9 months of all day nausea and throwing up intensely in the first-second trimesters were still too fresh. 

“Thank you, doctor. I will take your advice. No problem.” 

But, as I learned from a clinical psychologist and mom of 3, Dr. Becky Kennedy, two things are true. 

As the days turned to months and the months to a year, the stress of making sure I didn’t get pregnant and the growing desire to have another kid started to become forefront in my thoughts. 

Then, I got the good news. A year and half after surgery, my brain aneurysm was gone and I could gradually wean to a lower dosage of medicine. I could start trying to have another kid! 

That was over a year ago…

And we’ve been hit with something I never thought we would have to experience - secondary fertility. Getting pregnant with our first child was so easy. I never thought the second one would be any different.

But after some research, we learned that secondary infertility is more common than we realized. Secondary infertility is as common as primary infertility. Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples trying to conceive or about 12.5 percent. Out of all infertility causes, secondary infertility makes up about 50 percent of all cases.

I also learned something else. Two things are true.

​

Truth #1:
I want to experience being pregnant again because it’s such an amazing process and a special time in a woman’s life. I want the perks and special treatment that comes with being pregnant. 

But…two things are true. 

Truth #2:
I am a little bit relieved when I find out that I'm not pregnant. My last pregnancy was hard. I had severe morning (all day) sickness that seemed to last the whole pregnancy. I threw up a lot. I was extremely anxious and didn’t feel like myself. There is a possibility my brain aneurysm grew while I was pregnant. Will another one show up during pregnancy? 
___________________________________________________

​

I have learned this past year that often two things are true. I’ve grieved. I’ve been grateful. I’ve been resentful. I’ve been relieved. I’ve been bitter. I’ve been blessed. I’ve worried. I’ve wept. I’ve wondered. I’ve waited. I’ve hurt. I’ve hoped. And sometimes that is simply all we can do. ​

Motherhood can be incredible, AND it can be incredibly hard. For so long, the idea that mothers need to sacrifice themselves in order to be good mothers has existed in our society. From the moment we get pregnant, we are already taught to sacrifice (certain food and drinks, clothes, activities) and that only ramps up once the baby is born. 

However, I’m here to say that motherhood doesn’t always have to be the classic mom meme whose hair is in a messy bun and she is trying to juggle multiple things at once while her eyes have bags under them because she is so tired. 

It’s taken some time and some learning (You can probably see this if you go and read some of my earlier blogs on motherhood) to know how to set healthy boundaries in motherhood and in our household. These changes have been unbelievably powerful in how I live my life and view my job as a mother. 

​

Once I put my son to bed and assess if I’m good for the next day, I close shop. 

What do I mean by that? 

Think about your job as a mother as a business. Businesses open and close. I operate in that way. For my closing duties, I make sure I set up myself for success for my morning duties. Then, I clock out. 

KC Davis, licensed and professional therapist, likens it to the restaurant business. Those on the closing shift make sure they set up the kitchen for those who are opening. For example, they wipe the counters, slice lemons, and wash the dishes. 

Closing Shift Lauren does everything that won’t cause Morning Shift Lauren to stress out. For me, that is making sure there is not a huge pile of dishes in the sink, my clothes are set out, and my lunch and my son’s lunch are packed. For you, this might look different. 

After I complete those tasks, I clock out even if there are still toys not put away or even if there is a pile of laundry to be folded. 

My business is closed. Sorry. That’s just how you set a healthy boundary in motherhood.
​
 *Of course, if my son needs me after he goes to bed, I don’t say that to him. 😂*

​

To run my motherhood business successfully, I have set days for certain tasks. This system computes easier in my head than just randomly doing them. 

Saturday is laundry day. Every other Sunday I change the sheets. Tuesday is my day off for putting my son to bed. Bath is every other night. 

By doing this, I’ve set a boundary with others but mostly myself that I’m not engaging in these tasks any other day. I’m not even thinking about them because I know they’ll get done on that certain day. 

​

Another thing that KC Davis mentioned on Dr. Becky Kennedy’s Good Inside podcast is that she has shifted her language from I should to I deserve. 

I have too. 

For instance, instead of saying I should go for a run and get exercise in, I look at it this way: Either a.) I deserve to get outside and do an activity that makes me feel physically or mentally well or b.) I deserve to take a break and hang out inside on the couch. Each day I weigh the benefits of either and determine which one works better for me on that day. 

I also view chores in that way too. 

I deserve to walk into a clean kitchen in the morning instead of I should wash the dishes and clean the counters.

I deserve to not trip over a pile of toys when I walk into a room instead of I should pick up all of these toys. 

I deserve to go to bed early because I’m tired instead of I should fold these clothes and put them away. 

I also used to set up activities for the next day for my son after he went to bed because I saw these Invitations to Play on Instagram. I didn’t do them because I liked them or they made my life easier. I did them because I thought for a while that I should as a mother. 

Then, I shifted my mindset to I deserve to close shop as a mother and spend time with my husband or doing something I love like reading or watching TV instead of setting up these pointless activities that my son finished in 5 minutes. 

Phew, what a relief and a healthy boundary changing this language has been. 

​

Care tasks or chores in motherhood are cyclical, meaning that they are never ending, and you’ll never be caught up. 

That said, feelings of shame might arise when you go to rest because technically there is always something that can be done. 

No offense to my mom, but her generation and beyond were always doing something from my experience. I didn’t see her enjoy rest until she and I were older. 

I carried this learned behavior into my first year of motherhood. 

But here’s the thing - if you have shame from not working while resting, you won’t really rest, so you’ll get up to do something, which will make you even more tired and not to mention bitter. 

The cycle repeats. 

So, now, when I rest, I really enjoy the act of resting, and when I’m done resting, I get up to do something with a renewed sense of energy.

​

I’ve already blogged about the importance of scheduled nap times for my son, but bedtime and wake-up time are just as significant. 

The bedtime routine starts around 7:30 each night, and I try to stick to that as much as possible during the week. 

His Hatch turns green around 7:45 signaling that he can quietly play in his room until 7:55. At that time, the light turns yellow. During this time, we put on pajamas, read two books, pray, and sing a song. When the light turns red, we go to bed. 

Here’s the thing. Even though we put him to bed, it doesn’t mean that we expect him to go right to bed nor do I feel guilty that he doesn’t. He sometimes happily and playfully can move around for up to an hour before eventually dozing off to sleep. 

Again, in the morning, he knows that he doesn’t wake up until the birds chirp on his Hatch even if that means he is up before then. He can play or whatever his heart is content to do, but I’m not coming to get him unless he’s in distress or crying really hard. 

Have I had a family member question this practice indirectly? Yes, but to me this is a powerful boundary for all people in our family. 

We learn the power of alone time, rest, connection, and patience. And we are all happier for this. 

​

To preface, I’m not advocating for sleep training or not sleep training. I think that is a decision entirely left to what works best for you and your family. 

This article is for those parents who perhaps did sleep train and abide by scheduled nap times and feel guilty about it. Or perhaps they are at the mercy of relatives offering unsolicited advice and critiques about why you feel the need to rush home, prolong family activities, and schedule events around your child’s nap times. 

As someone who is still adhering to my son’s scheduled nap times, I’ve sometimes had to justify why the hours from 1:30-3:30 are off-limits. I used to feel guilty, but now I no longer think twice when I say that we can’t because it’s my son’s nap time.

To be fair, I try not to be rigid and if people can simply not change the time, or we have a really fun all day event, we will occasionally forgo my son’s nap. But 80-90% of the time, my son is getting his nap, and I don’t feel guilty or selfish about it at all. Here’s why. 

​

Perhaps the #1 reason why I follow scheduled nap times is that I NEED a break. I do. I don’t feel bad about that. My son’s scheduled nap times have helped me feel better about our days. They don’t feel like they drag on. I feel better about the time we spend together. I’m happier. I’m less resentful. 

And that’s all because I know that for roughly two hours I will get a break. 

And like I said I need a break. On top of just the day-to-day stresses of mom life, I spend Monday-Friday being a teacher (enough said, right) and I have some chronic illnesses (Hashimoto’s, Fibromyalgia, and acute chronic insomnia) that leave me begging for some time to rest, lie down, and take a short nap myself.
​
His nap is my time to refresh and work on my Unicorn Space. I absolutely try not to do chores and instead take advantage of the time to do things that I can’t do while my son is up. 

When he wakes up, I’m rejuvenated from my break and the rest of the day is no longer daunting but exciting. 

​

Anytime we have decided to skip the nap for the day, my son has become a monster by evening time. He’s cranky, mean, and overtired. I try to apply the MGI and remember that he skipped a nap, but my patience runs thin, especially since I haven’t had a break myself. 

Whether my son sleeps for 2 hours, 1 hour, or just quietly rests in his crib, he is getting a break from the stimulation of the world which is important to his development. 

Whenever someone questions why I have to do a nap, I’m quick to quip back, “Do you want to deal with a toddler tantrum and meltdown? Because I certainly can allow you to take care of him when he is guaranteed to go crazy.” 

Why would anyone want to deal with that? My son included. It’s not fair to him. Thus, I give him the break he deserves. 

​

Routines, rhythms, systems, or whatever fancy word they are calling predictability nowadays make me happy and help me thrive as a mother. They help my day flow.

I typically have a morning routine, nap routine, afternoon routine, and a bedtime routine. And, of course, as a teacher, we naturally have routines embedded into our day as well. 

My day typically goes better when I follow my routines, and I have somewhat of an idea of what will happen. 

Scheduled nap times help with my routines. Science even shows the benefits of routines. 

​

Toddlers thrive off routines as well. Predictability is what helps them make sense of the world. My son definitely falls into that category. 

He loves to have an idea of what the day will look like ahead of time, and his nap is what helps break his day into two distinct parts. There’s what comes before the nap and what comes after. 

Sticking to a scheduled nap time each day lets my son know what to expect. He is happier and less stressed knowing that he’ll get his nap every day. 

​

Scheduled nap times allow my husband and I to enjoy each other’s company alone. To be fair, we don’t always spend the time together. I tend to read or blog. He leans more to watching TV shows I don’t like, but we are together and occasionally will both watch shows we like or talk. 

But here’s how it helps our relationship immensely - WE AREN’T AS STRESSED! Because we both got a break. And when we are both not stressed, we are nicer to one another and our child. 

We both have come to a mutual agreement that scheduled nap times are a priority for us. There is no confusion around it, and in return, our relationship doesn’t suffer. 

We enjoy each other more. 

​

These are all reasons that work for us, and if you are someone who is feeling guilty around nap times feel free to use these reasons to validate your actions to yourself and others. 

Scheduled nap times don’t have to feel confining. In fact, they are more freeing to me. 

But again, do what works for you and your family. 

For my family, you won’t be seeing us during the hours of 1:30-3:30 because I’ll be happily resting over here. 

And for more positive parenting strategies and help with building a naptime routine, learn more about my parenting guide Now What? Mindful Parenting Checklists for Life's Hard Moments. 

​

Children like routines. This is for good reason! Routines have been found to:

• Lower stress
• Increase confidence
• And make them feel smarter.

When we create a day that is predictable for our kids, we increase the chances of them having good behavior because they know what to expect.

Remain loving but firm with boundaries. Kids become dysregulated when they feel like they are the ones calling the shots and controlling things. A confident mom will keep boundaries in check. 

Reassure your kids that ALL their feelings are valid, no matter how big they are. Reassure them they are safe and their feelings don’t scare you.  

Refill your children’s attention cups with time-ins.  Spend time each day with your kids for, at least a little bit of time, without any distractions. 

Repair when you made a mistake. Show your kids that you are human and that sometimes you yell and lose your temper. Show them that repairing is normal. Everyone messes up from time to time. 

Restore things back to order after your child has had a tantrum or hard times by teaching them strategies to use next time they have big feelings. I call these strategies greenlight strategies. 

Take them to rest yourself. Good mothers know when to rest and know not to feel guilty about resting. 

Good mothers recharge by going out with friends, exploring your passions, and reclaiming your Unicorn Space.

Our children MUST learn how to be resilient in order to find success and overcome the obstacles they will face as a human. If we sweep in to save our children from every bit of difficulty, we actually do them a disservice. We send the message that when life gets tough, someone will always help you out of it and that failure is a scary and negative thing. 
In reality, one of the best things we can do for our children is to allow them to struggle, as it provides the chance to reframe failure. Every hard moment or struggle is an opportunity to learn resilience! 

Less is more has been my mantra in parenting lately. 

There has long been the narrative that moms have to be tired, burnt out, and stressed, running around like a chicken with its head cut off (do people still use this idiom?). TV shows often depict a mom as being forgetful, clumsy, disoriented, and disheveled. 

While motherhood is certainly hard, and there are days where we are surviving instead of thriving, the overall theme of motherhood doesn’t have to be this way. 

Once we start to shift our mindset to less is more, we will start to see parenting to be more enjoyable. Reduce the number of toys, commitments, screen time, and clutter.

Read to your kids. Reading builds knowledge. 

Good moms do their research when it comes to parenting.

Then, reflect. Not everything you see on social media and the internet is right for you and your kids. Reflect on whether what you learn is right for your family. Reflect on if what you are already doing is working. Reflect on whether you need a change. ​

Record and write down what works. 

Then, next time you encounter a hard parenting moment you can use your list to recall what works for your children. Good moms are constantly learning. 

Have you ever yelled at your kids and then felt guilty about it later? We’ve all done it. Our kid repeatedly does the same thing we asked them not to do over and over, so we snap. We see our kids’ eyes bulge and swell with tears. We see the fear. They cower and run away.

 Even though we might feel guilty, they’ve stopped doing what we ask them to do. So maybe yelling does work, we think. But, then our toddlers are back to throwing their toys the next day. And because we don’t know what else to do, we yell. 

But, in this blog, you are going to learn how printable checklists can actually help you reduce yelling. When you have the right strategies and tools at your hand, you won’t need to resort to yelling and the next time your kids irk you to no end. You can say goodbye to screaming at your kids because you’ll know exactly what to do.

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Sure, yelling works in the moment, but it isn’t a long term solution. Why? 

When we yell, what skills are we actually teaching our kids? None. 
What we are teaching them instead is to get what you want, you need to instill fear in the other person’s eyes. Learning this can eventually lead our kids to value fighting and anger to get what they want and can lead to depression and anxiety in our kids. 

Another reason why yelling doesn’t work is when a toddler hears a parent screaming in long, angry systems, their brain starts to become dysregulated and they can’t make sense of what Mom or Dad is saying. They are too young to process what is going on and they are overwhelmed by emotion. That and their lack of impulse control is why they are back to doing the same thing we asked them not to. 

Finally, when we constantly yell, we are equating love to fear. For our kids, if they simultaneously fear and love their parents, they might search for that in a partner. And do we want them to marry someone they also fear? Absolutely not.

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But why do we, as parents, still yell even if we know it doesn’t work and we feel guilty about it later? 

For some, it’s because that’s what our parents did, and we don’t know any better. 
For others, parenting is exhausting. At the end of the day, when we want something to stop, we just use what works right there and now and that could be yelling. 

We don’t have a well-stocked toolkit and guide that teaches us what to do instead. Parents aren’t given a class on how to not yell at their kids. If they want to do that, they have to a.) Already know that yelling doesn’t work and b.) Seek out research themselves.  No one at the hospital tells them this stuff. 

Let’s stop blaming parents for the lack of information and resources involving parenthood. 

 When we are in a tense situation where our brains are overwhelmed from the day, our kids are melting down and overwhelmed themselves too, it’s hard to think. 

So we yell…

And the cycle repeats itself.  

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So what do we do instead of always falling back on yelling and punishments? 

We need to have research-based and proven strategies that work in our toolkit. We need to teach kids skills for what to do when they get angry and want to throw or how to handle feelings of frustration and being told no. 
Because, sure, we can provide consequences and yell all we want, but don’t we want to teach our kids not to do the things they are doing that require yelling and consequences? 

I call these Green Light Strategies. These are strategies that are setting our kids up for success, helping them build the skills to handle emotions, and shifting our parenting from playing defense to playing offense. Green Light Strategies will actually save you time.

I have 70+ of these strategies in my toolkit that I can pull out at any time for all types of hard parenting situations. 

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But how do I remember all of them? I use the Printable Checklist Framework. That is choosing from a list of strategies that have been proven to work and then applying them to your family. 

Through trial and error, consistency, and repetition, you test these strategies out for a couple of weeks. If they work, you write them down on a checklist, print out the checklist, and put the checklist in an accessible location. 

When you have a hard parenting moment, you then reference the list and run down the checklist until something works:

• You child won’t eat. 
  
• Your child hits or throws. 
  
• Your child always says no. 
  
• Your child throws a tantrum. 
  
• Your child won’t go to bed. 
  
• Your child is scared/anxious. 
  
• Your child won’t play independently
  

 
The Printable Checklist Framework works because it makes you feel confident and calm that you have a whole list of strategies right in front of you that work! 

You are no longer searching the depths of your brain to figure out what to do, only to cave and resort to yelling because you become so frazzled. 

Instead, you have a checklist of protocols like any confident person in their profession (pilots, nurses, teachers, doctors). 

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But you might be asking what are these strategies and how do I find them? You can spend hours searching Instagram or reading blogs and listening to podcasts, but I have a guide that has them all in one place. 

Introducing Now What? Mindful Checklists for Life’s Hard Parenting Moments.

There are 10 Modules. Each module has a variety of strategies with descriptions, videos, scripts, deep dives, and action steps covering all parenting moments that have left you wondering Now What?

You are ready to have strategies in your toolkit that you can access anytime when you are struggling to think of what to do next when you have a hard parenting moment: 

*Module 1: My Child Won’t Listen (Greenlight Behavior). Now What? 

*Module 2:  My Child Is Whining (Yellow Light Behavior). Now What?

*Module 3: My Child is Hitting, Kicking, Biting, Throwing (Redlight Behavior). Now What? 

*Module 4: My Child Won’t Go to Bed. Now What? 

*Module 5: My Child is in the Middle of a Tantrum. Now What? 

*Module 6: My Child Won’t Eat. Now What? 

*Module 7: My Child is Scared/Anxious. Now What? 

*Module 8:  My Child Prefers One Parent. Now What? 

*Module 9: My Child Gives Up Easily. Now What? 

*Module 10: My Child Won’t Play Independently. Now What? 

*Bonus Module: Some Thoughts on Screen Time  

You’ll be able to implement the Printable Checklist Framework and be on your way to never yelling again (let’s be real, we’re human. It will never be 100% never yelling). 

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You deserve to have the tools to help you reduce yelling at your kids. You deserve to have a system that helps you stay calm and confident. You deserve to get back your time and energy. Print away! 

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Are you a new mom runner who wants to give running a stab? You have the cutest Hoka shoes. You purchased a matching running top and bottom? You bought a brand new running watch. You are all ready to go. There’s just one problem…

What do you do with your kid? 

How do you get a nice, solid run in while having a kid in tow who doesn’t scream and dispute your steady flow? 

As a mom who has been running with her son for over three years, I have quite a bit of experience with how to run with a kid. I’ve developed some foolproof ways to get kids to enjoy going on a run with you. 

After doing your best to prepare your kid for the run ahead, I have 5 ways newbie mom runners can take their kids along for a run. 

But first…

The Best Jogging Strollers…
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Lauren Barrett Writes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Read more about these links in my disclosure policy.  ​
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To get my son excited about the run ahead, I implement a scavenger hunt. I’ll say something like this ahead of time…

“Ohh, I’m excited. We are going on a run. You’re going to be in a stroller. What are we going to find on our run? Can you think of some things?” 

Then, we will rattle off all the things we might see…

• Mailboxes
• Dogs
• Birds
• Flowers
• Airplanes

I’m all about simplicity, so this is all I do, but if you want to get fancy, you can print off or doodle a list with pictures of all the things your kids can find. Then, they can check them off as they find them on the run. 

While I’m running, I’ll check in from time to time to see what my son has found. I make sure I exhibit exuberance and toll out praise [link] for each item he finds to keep him interested and engaged. 

“Ohhh! You found a mailbox. That’s so cool! Way to go.” 

Kids love to feel important and that they have a job.  Doing a scavenger hunt makes them feel like a vital member of your run. 

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I like to start and end a lot of my runs at playgrounds. It gives my child an incentive to complete the run with me. 

I use First/Then statements to set up the playground.

“First, we will run. Then, we will go to the playground.” 

I keep reminding my son about the playground during the run to get him excited. “Ohh, I just remembered that after the run we will then go to the playground. I’m so excited!” 

You don’t always have to end at the playground. My son loves creek play, so we run on a lot of trails that afterwards lead to time playing in the dirt, sand, or water.

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Set your child up for success with a little grab bag of toys. My son likes to take his toy cars for rides. 

But colorful doodling tablets, aqua doodles, and any other doodle type thing makes for a great toy to have along for the ride.

A quick note about giving kids screens while in a stroller, I’m a big proponent that a kid needs to learn to be bored and not entertained 24/7. Time in the stroller is a good way for them to learn about the world around them instead of being distracted.

BUT….

If screens keep your kid quiet and help you get in your run, and your run makes you a better person and mom then by all means USE.THE.SCREENS.GUILTFREE. It won’t ruin them. 

Looking to wean your kids from screens, start here

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Not a fast runner or a long distance runner? Take a bike along with you and go to a flat trail. Run while your kid bikes. I’ve done this before. 

I’ll run a teeny bit ahead of him, turn around to meet him again, and repeat. 

This doesn’t work if you want to go more than 2-3 miles. Your child, especially a younger one, will wear out. But, I have done this practice, and it does work.

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It’s easy to want to bribe your child into getting into the stroller, but I advise against this. You can read why here. 

Beth of Days With Grey offers this advice on her Instagram. 

1. Stick with your plan → you are going to go on your run. 
2. Validate your kid’s feelings if they don’t want to go with you. → “I understand you don’t want to run right now, but this is important to me (link).”
3. Offer your kid a choice with something that is a yes for you and win for him. → “Grab a lollipop or your chips, and I’ll meet you in the garage to hop in the stroller.”

Beth says this, which I love, “Do what you enjoy with your kids by your side. It may look different, but we can make it work by giving choices.” 

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Running (or exercising) will look different with your kids, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. We just need to adapt and be a little bit flexible. 

And as always, go back to your greenlight strategies to get your kids more likely to agree (or at least not whine so much) about going for a run with you. 

Learn how to implement these strategies with my parenting guide Now What? Mindful Checklists for Life’s Hard Parenting Moments. Try it for free here. 

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Were you a runner before you had kids? Or maybe you are a new mom looking to get into running? 

Either one you are in the right place. 

As a competitive runner before I had kids, it was shocking how much running changed for me once I had my son and became a mom for the first time. 

I had to let go of the idea that running was going to look the same as it once did, at least for this season of my life. 

But, I also knew that running is important to me. It grounds me. It’s my stress reliever. It’s my free therapy. It’s my time to think and decompress. It’s my exercise. Running makes me a better mom and an overall better human. 

So, with all that being true, I knew that I had to continue running. For the sake of my physical and mental health. 

But, how do you get started with running as a new mom when life looks so much different now? 

I have 8 tips to help you out. 

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The hardest part to committing to get back into running is the starting process. So I say pick a day to start and just start. 

Mark this day on your calendar with a big X. Put it in your planner. Set a reminder on your phone. Tell your family. 

And then just make like Nike and just do it. 

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But start small. If you try to go out and run the same amount of time and distance that you used to, you’ll get burnt out and are more likely to fail.

When I say start small, I literally mean start small. Like go out and run for 1 minute. That’s it. You’ll be able to cross it off. You’ll be able to say that you did it and accomplished something. 

Anyone can run for a minute. This small win will make you more likely to go out and do it again because you know that you can. 

So, the next day go out and do 2 minutes. The next day, 3 minutes and so on. Just adding one minute more a day won’t seem so daunting. 

Also, don’t run every day. It will be too much at first. I recommend 3-4 times a week. Even now, I only do 5 days a week. 

You did it! 

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Try to run at the same time each day, so your kids and family know what to expect - whether you’re running with them in a stroller, leaving them behind with a spouse, or having them tag along with you on a bike. 

A routine will also help you. If you mark it on your calendar everyday and schedule things around it since running will be a non negotiable and rigid, you’ll be more likely to get it done.   

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You may be wondering how stretching will help you get started running, but it will. Here’s why…if you stretch after you run, you won’t be so sore the next day. If you aren’t so sore the next day, you will want to run again. 

So stretch before and after. Trust me. Your body will thank you.

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Talk to your kids about how you are going on a run beforehand. Be upfront and honest with them, especially if they are at the toddler age, but even when they are still babies to help them understand from a young age and to get yourself in the habit of feeling good about going on a run. 

“Running is very good for my mind. It helps me be calmer, not yell, and think better. It’s kind of how you feel better after watching your favorite show or playing your favorite game.” 

Stick to the script and then just go. 

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In the same vein as our tip up above, you are going to be honest with why you are going on a run. Then, you are just going to leave. You aren’t going to ask for your children’s permission to go on a run. “Can Mommy go on a run?” N.O.P.E.

If you already set up this run with the family, you’re not going to stick around to placate protests and whines telling you to stay. Or to soothe a baby that might be crying for you (unless he’s hungry and needs you). 

You’ve already done your job. Your job is to prepare your kids, show empathy for their feelings, and validate them. Your job is not to fix how they will feel or react to your going on a run. 

When you come back, thank your child for playing independently while you did something very important to you. 

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Kids like stories. They can relate to them. Tell a story about a Mommy who went on a run and then had all these magical powers because she went. She could play so much. She laughed a lot. She had SO MUCH energy. She was unstoppable.   ​

Having trouble finding time to go on a run? Try Fair Play. Fair Play is a system that helps partners with kids divide up the household responsibilities in a way that is fair. It allows space for each partner to find time to engage in self-care and exercise. 

Everyone in the relationship deserves and needs this card. Work with your partner to carve out your times. 

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With these tips, you, new mom runners, can get started on your running journey. Pretty soon you’ll be running (and drinking) at all the brewery run clubs in your area and making all kinds of running friends. 

Who knows you may even sign up for a race! 

Want more actionable tips to deal with life’s hard parenting moments? Try Now What? Mindful Checklists for Life’s Hard Parenting Moments.

Try before you buy for free today.

Exciting news! I wrote, copyrighted and published a parenting guide, Now What? Mindful Checklists for Life's Hard Parenting Moments, and it is available.
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This is my latest passion project that I’ve been working on for almost a year.

• A 180 page PDF parenting guide to life’s hard moments with your kids.
• Helps you build a checklist of what strategies work for you and your family, so you can access them anytime.
• Now What? recognizes that every kid is different and not every strategy works all the time.
• Here's a sneak peak of what you will find in Now What? Mindful Checklists for Life's Hard Parenting Moments
  *Module 1: My Child Won’t Listen (Greenlight Behavior). Now What?
  *Module 2: My Child Is Whining (Yellow Light Behavior). Now What?
  *Module 3: My Child is Hitting, Kicking, Biting, Throwing (Redlight Behavior). Now What?
  *Module 4: My Child Won’t Go to Bed. Now What?
  *Module 5: My Child is in the Middle of a Tantrum. Now What?
  *Module 6: My Child Won’t Eat. Now What?
  *Module 7: My Child is Scared/Anxious. Now What?
  *Module 8: My Child Prefers One Parent. Now What?
  *Module 9: My Child Gives Up Easily. Now What?
  *Module 10: My Child Won’t Play Independently. Now What?
  *Bonus Module: Some Thoughts on Screen Time
  

• 10 Modules with strategies
• Videos for each strategy
• Descriptions of each strategy
• Scripts
• Action steps
• Printable Checklists
• Links to expert sources

Parents, grandparents, caregivers, teachers of kids ages 1-7, but the ideal age is parents with kids ages 1-4 years old.
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But I strongly recommend parents with babies ages birth to 1 to get it in order to get a head start.

$45. 

I remember when I first had Henry, and it was sometimes hard to remember what to do when emotions were high.

• Crying
• Overwhelmed
• Frustrated
• Loud noises
• Lack of sleep

So I wrote down the strategies that worked and the next time I had a similar moment, I would run down the list until I found what worked.

That’s what I want for you!

1. To choose from 70+ strategies in an user friendly PDF guide
2. Test and try what works
3. Write it down and print it out
4. Access it anytime that you have a hard moment.

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1. I'm pretty busy. Will I have time to do this course?
​
Of course! I've designed this handbook for busy parents in mind because I'm a busy mom myself. You can take each module at a time. The strategies are short. The videos are short. Use the strategy for a few days. If it works, write it down. Bam you're on your way to success. Also remember these strategies will actually save you time.

2. What if not all the strategies work?

They won't! And that's not because you're doing anything wrong. All kids are different. All moms are different. All families are different. Not every strategy will work 100% of the time. THE PURPOSE IS TO MAKE A CHECKLIST OF WHAT WORKS FOR YOU BY CHOOSING FROM OVER THE 70 STRATEGIES I OFFER. Some of the strategies in the modules I have used and now I don't. Some of the strategies I have used, stopped using, and now use again. Some of the strategies I have used consistently. Try them out, give them a chance, and if they don't work, don't add them to your list. Maybe you can revisit them later. Maybe you won't.

3. Okay, but how much time will I have to actually spend doing the course?

The course is self-paced, with about 30 minutes worth of content per module So, I’d say, schedule about 3-4 max. A small price to pay to build save you time in the long run and to build confident, calm families.

4. What ages is this for?

Ages 1-7. BUT I highly recommend buying even if you have a kid under 1, so you can be prepared. And hey, some of these strategies even work for tweens and teens.

5. Why should I be a member of the Insider's Scoop?
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You get weekly emails that explore aspects of parenting. You can ask questions. You'll be part of a small community and won't get lost in the shuffle.

Here are what other parents and teachers are saying about Now What? Parenting Guide:

"Module 4- the Sleep module I learned the most from- I feel the strategies in this module were on point and give guidance on what the parent needs to do to set up a successful sleep environment. It did not focus on what the child needs to do. Because we can't control a child's behavior, only our own. so the focus needs to be on what WE can do rather than on how we can control others."

"I really learned a lot from the module discussing green light choice. As a mom and a teacher these strategies would be used several times throughout the day!"

" From toddlers to lower elementary students would gain a lot from this guide."

"Early childhood centers and elementary teachers would benefit from this guide."

"As an early childhood provider I found this course informative and useful. I would recommend this course to my colleagues as well as fellow parents."

"The guide was so easy to follow."

"I actually enjoyed all of the modules and gained valuable information."

"The Checklist format was useful, and focusing on the idea that some will work for your child and some won't, so choose those you want to use, and try them for two weeks. Also the idea of having it written down somewhere to help in the moment they are needed is great."