My 3-year old son and I were in a power struggle. I needed him to put on his pajamas, and he absolutely didn’t want them on. He was trying to pull the pajamas from my hand.

I don’t like getting into power struggles with anyone period, but I especially don’t like to get into them with little kids who can’t reason logically. 

I needed out. It was late. We were both tired. 

So I said, “Ughhh…It looks like we are in a kerfuffle.” 

Predictably, my son stopped and started laughing.

“Kerfuffle. What’s a kerfuffle? That’s a funny word,“ he said in a fit of giggles. 

I went on to explain what it meant and before long our argument was forgotten, and he put on his pajamas. 

A few weeks later, he didn’t want to do something again that I needed him to do. 

He looked at me and said, “Are we having a kerfuffle?” and we were back to laughing again. 

BUT…

Even more impressive is that preschool and young kids alike can and will learn vocabulary if we expose them to it in meaningful ways. 

In fact, there is no research to suggest that vocabulary needs to be taught in a certain chronological order as evidenced by my son learning the word kerfuffle. 

There are four steps, I recently learned from a training on Vocabulary Instruction for Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing Students, you need to take to teach your kids new vocabulary. 

Little did I know that I was doing a lot of these steps inadvertently. 

​

As a teacher, I desperately need my parents to be involved in teaching vocabulary. It’s a two-way street. 

If the school isn’t providing you a list of the vocabulary they are teaching your kids, ask for it.

There are so many vocabulary enriching opportunities that are taking place at home that if parents aren’t taking advantage of these opportunities, kids are missing out on a lot of exposure to learning new words. 

In fact, researchers estimate that it could take as many as 17 exposures for a kid to learn a new word.

What’s more is that kids need a multisensory approach to learning new words. 

It’s not enough for them to just be exposed to a word at school. 

For example, let’s say that they are learning the words rinse, chop, pour, stir, and bake.

School will most likely introduce these words, show pictures, and if your kids are fortunate to have a teacher or school with resources, they might be able to go into a kitchen and act these out. 

But at home, they can actually feel the coolness of the water as you rinse vegetables. They can hear the sound of you chopping an onion and the sound of liquid being poured into a mixing bowl. They can see how the ingredients blend together when you stir everything together. And finally they can smell and taste the food being baked. 

And that’s how kids learn words. 

​

Flashcards are very one-dimensional and often not used in the context of a word. They are very isolating. 

First, kids see a word with a picture above it. Assuming that the parent is there to say the word, the kid hears a word and only has one picture to connect it to. It’s all very abstract. 

For example, the word rinse might show a person’s hands covered in soap under a sink. So does rinse mean hands? A sink? Water on your hands? 

See my point. 

Secondly, with flashcards kids are just given a single word but have no idea how it’s used in context. Their brains can’t make any connections and are less likely to learn the word. 

Lastly, flashcards and vocabulary lists tend to lump words together that have no relation to one another which isn’t very helpful. 

​

Here is where the four steps come in. 

1. Meaningful Input: 

When first introducing vocabulary, you first want to provide meaningful input. That is saying or signing (for parents of deaf kids) the word over and over in context. 

It is NOT saying rinse, rinse, rinse as you wash your hands over and over again. 

Remember I said to make it meaningful. 

Let’s say on Day 1, you decide to introduce the word rinse. This is what you would do. 

“It’s time for breakfast. Let’s rinse your hands before we eat. Look, we are rinsing off the germs and bacteria on our hands. After you rinse, dry your hands off with a towel. Would you like to eat this apple for breakfast? We need to rinse it off. It might be dirty from the store. We will rinse it under the water in the sink.” 

Then, you would do that ALL day whenever you can input the word rinse. 

You might feel like you are obsessively using the word rinse, but trust me, you’re not. Use it more. Use it until you feel like it’s no longer a word and then use it some more. 

Great, let's move on. 

2. Comprehension

Next, you want to check for comprehension on Day 2 or 3. My favorite way to do this is playing the fool or sabotage. That is getting the word rinse wrong on purpose. 

“It’s time for breakfast. Ugh… What do we need to do with our hands first? Look, we are sleeping [or any other word that they will definitely know is wrong] off the germs and bacteria on our hands. What? We aren’t sleeping. Silly Mommy. What are we doing then? Ohhh! We are rinsing!  You’re right. Would you like to eat this apple for breakfast? What do we need to do with it first? Yes, rinse. Why should we rinse it? What other things should we rinse? Where should we rinse our bodies? What about our car?” 

If you find that your kids can’t answer these questions, you go back to meaningful input and start over. 

If they got it, move on. 

3. Meaningful Imitation:

During this step, you are just making sure the kids can repeat back the word to you. 

“I rinse my hands. What are you doing? Are you chopping or rinsing your hands?”

If you find that your kids can’t do this, you go back to comprehension and start over. 

If they got it, move on.

4. Spontaneous Use: 

This is how I would do it: Week 1 do steps #1-3 with your new vocabulary words. Week do step #4 with your Week 1 words while you introduce new words with steps #1-3. 

During the step of spontaneous use, you are just observing to see if your kids are using the word (s) on their own. 

Like Step #3, you are providing the opportunity, but unlike Step #3, you aren’t prompting them toward the word.

Once they are spontaneously using a word on their own, they have learned a word!

​

You might be wondering what words are worth teaching. 

To start, I would introduce no more than 10 words per week and the words should be related and frequently used. There should be a mixture of nouns, verbs, and adjectives. 

• Words from a book you’re reading
  
• Mental State Words
  
• Words from around the house (kitchen, bedtime, bathroom, outdoor words)
  
• Words for a trip or an activity you might do (forest words, beach words, park words)
  
• Functional words
  
• Words with prefixes and suffixes in them
  
• Academic vocabulary
  
• Basic vocabulary
  
• Words your kids want to know
  

Teaching vocabulary in this way is really quite simple. You don’t need any fancy program or educational app. You don’t need a kit full of flashcards. Kids don’t like those things that much anyway. 

You just need you and the willingness to expose kids to new words.

There will be no kerfuffles over that.  

​

One warm day, I took my 2-year old son to a downtown playground. This particular playground was small, but it had one large metal slide that many kids were going down. 

My son and I were no strangers to playgrounds. We took advantage of them during the Pandemic. We’ve been to many in all different neighborhoods. 

The platform to reach the top of the slide was steeper than normal stairs, but my son was doing his best to tottle to the top. However, I still hovered over him to ensure that he was able to go down the slide. 

After doing this a few times, I sheepishly noticed something. I was the only mom doing this despite the fact the other kids my son’s age and, perhaps even younger, were all going down this slide without a parent being with them every step of the way. 

I also noticed something else. Although there was no orderly line and there appeared to be some tossling among the kids, everyone eventually got a chance to go down the slide because some of the older kids had the younger kids’ backs, including my son’s. These kids were clearly well versed in the art of playing without constant parent supervision. I was impressed. 

I took a step back and stood somewhat near the other moms who were engrossed in conversation. 

I started to become intrigued by the cultural dynamics of this playground and all playgrounds for that matter. As a white, American mom to a biracial son (half Black, half white), I am used to  mostly white playgrounds where the parents stand close by to keep a watchful eye on their kids in order to ensure that there is fair turn-taking and to resolve conflict the moment it shows up. 

This playground was different. It was mostly children and moms of color who were speaking a variety of languages. Upon first glance, an outsider might make the ignorant assumption that these moms were being neglectful, and the kids were trouble who never learned proper turn-taking skills.  But under a more critical lens, there was a strong sense of community fostered among both the parents and kids. I loved it. 

And that’s when I vowed to raise a more culturally competent kid. 

​

Skin color is nothing to be ashamed of in our house. We never whisper or correct our son for pointing out other people’s skin color. 

Growing up, we would whisper someone’s skin color if they had any other skin color besides white, or so many times I have heard kids hushed for saying something, “That Black man.” 

By doing this, parents are teaching their kids that nonwhite people’s skin color is something to be ashamed of and not talked about outside the confines of their own home. 

Instead, we are teaching our son to embrace all skin colors. From a young age, children can recognize the skin color of people and even start to develop racial bias; therefore, psychologist Beverly Daniel Tatum, PhD, author of Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria, recommended teaching children about race as early as 3 years old.

As a fun activity, we went to Home Depot to look at the display of paint samples to find one that closely matched the members of our family’s skin colors. We loved having a fun name for our skin. I was Shear Apricot. My son was Clay Pot. And my husband was Dark Truffle. 

This is a good exercise in teaching that white, black, and brown have so many different shades and it is all influenced by melanin and geography. 

We, then, found paint, and we mixed and matched until we got the paint to closely resemble the paint sample we picked out for our skin. We spent the rest of the day drawing family portraits with our accurate skin colors. 

​

By now, we should all know that we should diversify our bookshelves and TV shows, but we should really do a deep dive into what our kids are actually consuming. 

There are more children’s books about animals and other non-human characters than all people of color combined. 

While I’m certainly not suggesting you throw all of those books away (We love Little Blue Truck and Pout Pout Fish), be aware that these are not the only books you are reading to your kids. 
​
The same goes for TV shows and movies. 

​

Take a look at the authority figures in your child’s life: teachers, coaches, doctors, dentists, hairdressers, religious figures, friends’ parents. Are they all of the same race or ethnic culture? 

If so, look to diversify the professionals your children see on a day to day basis. 

Black teachers, in particular, can have positive effects on their students, especially Black males from low income households. 

​

Just like you did with the authority figures in your child’s life, take a look at the kids your own kids play with. Neighbors, classmates, church friends, your friends’ kids, sports teams, kids on the playground. 

Again are they all of the same race or ethnic culture?

If they are, consider switching up your regular playgrounds from time to time, going to different community centers, visiting museums, or doing kid activities in larger cities. 

There’s no need to force friendships on your kids. Just simply allow your kids to play alongside kids from all cultures. Your kids will be naturally curious, and their curiosity will lead to some good discussions at home. 

​

When you begin to raise culturally component kids, they are going to ask questions.

“Why is that man standing on the side of the road near the intersection?” 

“Why is she wearing that on her head?”

“Why does my friend have two mommies and my family only has one mommy?” 

Similarly to when our kids bring up skin color, we do not want to shut down these culturally aware questions. 

We want to thank our kids for the questions and praise them for being so curious and thoughtful. 

Depending on the environment, we can choose to answer right away or later at home. 

If you feel as if now is not the appropriate time to discuss your child’s question or you really don’t know the answer to the question, be careful not to shush them or be quick to make them feel ashamed for asking. 

Say something like, “That’s a very good question. Let’s discuss this when we get home, and we are not distracted by everyone. I’m curious to learn your thoughts and find out more with you.”

Being quick to quiet them could make them think that the topic they are asking about is wrong or shameful and could shut down future conversations because your child is afraid to bring it up again. 

When left to their own devices, children could seek out the answers to their questions on the internet, through friends, or social media where they could get misinformation, implicit biases, or negative stereotypes and discrimination. 

We would prefer for our children to hear it from us first, so we can clear up any confusion. 

Even if my child comes to me with a big misunderstanding, I always like to go to a place of careful reflection, thought, and questioning. 

__________________________________________________

​

That day on the playground was a big eye opener for me. It made me realize that we can be quick to judge something that is different than how we act. 

I want to raise culturally competent kids who are aware of those differences,  then see how those differences are of value, and finally learn to interact with those differences. 

The world would be a beautiful place.

​

I’m a special education teacher. One of my job’s is to write individualized goals for each of my students.

For example, one of my students might have a goal to read 150 words correct per minute on a grade level passage.

Let’s say, currently, she is averaging reading 90 words correct per minute.

The next day after writing the fluency goal for my student, I have her come into my class and read a passage. Predictably, she reads about 90 words.

Now imagine if I said, “Stop reading 90 words per minute,” and I continued to say that every time she read around 90 words.

In fact, I would even say, “Stop reading 140 words correct per minute,” if she reaches that 140 word mark because after all 140 words correct per minute is not her goal.

That’s all I did.

Would my student reach her goal? Maybe, eventually down the road (or more likely if she got a better teacher haha).

But, I would imagine it would take a long time to reach her goal, if she ever did. And I would also venture to say that she would probably be pretty discouraged and unmotivated to want to continue.

Now, let’s use a similar example when it comes to parenting.

Currently, we have a child who hits and ultimately our goal is for our child to stop hitting.

Child: Hits

Parent: “STOP HITTING!”

Child: Hits

Parent: “I TOLD YOU TO STOP HITTING!” Punishes (takes away a toy or puts child in time-out).

Child: Hits
​
Parent: Frustrated 🤦

In education, I don’t only just write goals. I map out a plan to help my students reach their goals.

Along their way to reaching their goals, I have objectives (or checkpoints), and I use scaffolding and interventions to help them get there.

I can’t expect my students to go from their current behavior to their goal behavior in one gigantic leap.

That would be like jumping from the bottom of the stairs to the top or jumping from the bottom of a building to the top. The end result is most likely going to end in them failing miserably.

We need all the in between stuff to help us get to the top.

In a similar sense, how can we expect kids to go from hitting to not hitting just by telling them.
​
The scaffolding and teaching part are missing.

Think of it in terms of construction. It’s what helps the workers reach the top.

It’s a metaphor for providing students with temporary, supportive structures that, just like in constructing a structure, are “gradually removed as the building nears completion.” (Riddett, 2015).

When a student demonstrates proficient independence, the scaffold is no longer needed (Gibbons, 2002).
​
When it comes to hitting, types of scaffolding can be…

• Physically guiding their hands to what they are supposed to do.
• Verbally telling them what to do with their hands instead of hitting.
• Role-playing with stuffed animals or dolls.
• Remove yourself, so they won’t hit you.
• Providing objectives and praise/reward them when they reach that objective.

It’s frankly absurd to expect kids to go from a current behavior to a goal behavior just like that without any in betweens. It’s simply too hard. And not to mention developmentally inappropriate.

Imagine if you never ran before in your life and then all of a sudden you were told to run a marathon. No way, right?

Kids need to be taught how to not hit through scaffolding, practice, and reinforcement.

When our kids see themselves make progress, they are more likely going to want to continue to make progress.
​
Scaffolding helps kids:

• Retain new information
• Gain more autonomy and independence
• Bridge learning gaps
• Feel less frustrated and confused
• Increase motivation
• Improves communication between parent and child

My son when he was a toddler, along with many other toddlers, would hit.

Toddlers, when angry, have no idea any other way to express their frustration than hit, throw, kick, bite, or tantrum….that is until we teach them.

So if you have a kid who hits, guess what? Your child is normal.

But it’s not fun, and, of course, we eventually want them to learn to express their anger in a different way.

So here’s what to do…

#1 Break down your goal behavior into objectives
Hitting → Screaming → Stomping → Hitting a pillow or stuffed animal → Squeezing hands into fists → Saying, “I want to hit you,” first before hitting → Scribbling an angry picture → Pounding play doh → Hugging themselves → Using the ASL sign for “angry → Taking deep breaths → Verbally expressing that they are angry and need some time alone.

These are just some examples and a pretty exhaustive list that we certainly do not expect our kids to all the way reach or do every single one in such perfect succession.
​
*Some adults can’t even do all of these.”

​#2 Teach
In order to teach your child not to hit, you need to tell them what to do and how to replace the behavior of hitting.

As previously mentioned, when it comes to hitting, types of scaffolding can be…

• Physically guiding their hands to what they are supposed to do.
• Verbally telling them what to do with their hands instead of hitting.
• Role-playing with stuffed animals or dolls.
• Remove yourself, so they won’t hit you.
• Providing objectives and praise/reward them when they reach that objective.

#3 Practice
When it comes to learning a new behavior, we all need practice to master it. We can’t just tell our kids one time what we expect them to do. We need to allow them to practice what they learn.

For example, our child gets angry and hits. We take their hands and guide them to what we want them to do or model what we feel like they can do developmentally (i.e. maybe scream instead of hit).

When they are calm, we remind them of what we want them to do instead of hitting and then practice with them.

I call these GREENLIGHT STRATEGIES.

#4 Reinforce
To reinforce the behaviors we want, we need to provide praise and modeling.

PRAISE: When they hit an objective, we praise them for what they did right.
“You told me that you wanted to hit me, but then stopped yourself. Good job!”
“You hit me, but then knew that that was wrong and hugged yourself instead. Awesome!”
“Did you just scream instead of hitting? Highfive!”

MODELING: Model how you behave when you get angry and let your child see.
“Ugh my cup broke. I’m really angry. I feel like punching something, but I’m going to take a couple of deep breaths instead.”

Another great way to provide reinforcement is to actually create a visual like one of those thermometers companies use for fundraising.

At the top, write the goal behavior and all the way down the thermometer write your child’s objectives. Each time they hit a new one, allow your child to color in the thermometer.

Now, your child is taking the independence of tracking his own progress!

#5 Take Away the Scaffolding
Once your child is successfully and consistently hitting their objectives, you can take away your supports.

Maybe you stop physically showing them what to do. Then, remove your verbal input.
​
Until finally, they are doing it all on their own.

Scaffolding works and will ultimately lead your child to their goal behavior much quicker than yelling, punishing, threatening, and bribing.

With scaffolding, your child is learning a new behavior to replace the inappropriate one and helping them reach a point of independence.

That is always our goal as parents — to raise kids who can become independent, self-regulated adults!
​
Click here to get my Scaffolding Guide where I break down 20 goal behaviors, like staying in bed, eating the dinner you made, pooping on the potty, into actionable, developmentally appropriate objectives.

Imagine earning $50 or more for an hour’s worth of work? It’s possible with blogging! 

While blogging is just my side hustle at this time to earn extra spending cash, the rates some of these sites pay can be lucrative if you consistently keep at it. 

Right now, I typically only write one blog a week. Sometimes, I put it on my own website and other times I pitch other websites. 

The overall process only takes 1-3 hours, depending on how in depth the blog is and how much research is required. And if I’m averaging about $100 for these blogs, that rate is excellent for minimum work doing something I enjoy.

I signed up to receive weekly emails from Freedom With Writing. Each week, they break down websites that are accepting pitches that pay from guest bloggers! 

Here are 17 websites that I’ve had the most success and ease with earning extra cash blogging. Click on the title of the website to be taken to their How to Write for them page. 

​

Pregnant Chicken covers all things babies from pregnancy to childbirth or adoption and being a new parent. 

They are going to want to see a completed piece of 300 words or more first. Then, they’ll email if it is or isn’t a right fit for their website. 

In my experience, they typically respond within a week which is a fast turnaround. 

Rate: $100

​

I stumbled upon Hubpages years ago. I would publish blogs at random and without much thought to getting paid.

Eventually, I could link my PayPal account and configure their Ad Program and Amazon Program to my blog. 

For years, I made cents. But then, all of a sudden that money started compounding, and I would get paid $50, $75, $90 a month. 
The money isn’t consistent (But I also don’t blog on the site consistently), but it’s nice to get that surprise $50+ paycheck several months a year. 

Here’s how it works: 

• Set up a Hubpage account. 
  
• Write a blog on anything, except personal essays that read like a diary entry. 
  
• Your story will get featured on the Hubpage site. 
  
• Then, you have the option of submitting your blog to one of Hubpages subsidiary sites OR they’ll reach out to you recommending your blog for a specific site. 
  
• That is what you want! Once your blog goes to one of their bigger sites, more views and more money will start coming in. 
  

Rate: You can’t cash out until you reach $50 for a month. 

​

Medium works in the same vein as Hubpages. Join their Partnership Program once you meet the criteria and get paid monthly based on member reading time.

I would repost a lot of my old blogs onto the site (They allow repurposing blogs), but didn’t have much luck besides literally like 10 cents a month. 

Then, I looked more into it and, just like Hubpages, I can submit a blog to one of their bigger sites which will help your blog get more views. 

I was accepted to Better Humans and have two blogs on that site which, as of now, are earning me around $10 a month. 

Not much, but it’s something. And it’s also something I can look into getting more serious about. 

Rate: Will vary based on views

​

I’ll be honest. I’ve stopped blogging for PopSugar mainly because I thought the $50 for one post was too low, and I wasn’t hearing back from them as much. 

However, PopSugar is a big named site and blogging for them can lead to other opportunities. When I blogged for them, Elise Tate, influencer and wife of NFL star Golden Tate, and I connected. This led to some business opportunities, but it wasn’t that profitable, and promoting other people’s works wasn’t what I wanted to do.

But after a while, for me money was more important than clout. LOL. 

However, here’s how I started making money…

I sent them an article I wrote and after weeks (actually I think it might have been months), they emailed me back saying that they liked my article and invited me to join their Voices Community. 

Once in the community, I could pitch my own ideas, or I could accept pitches they suggested to me. They also sent out a monthly guide of what they wanted to see that month. 

Most of my pitches got accepted, and I enjoyed writing for them for the time-being. 

Rate: $50

​

This website wants your personal essays on mental health recovery stories. To submit to them, send them an email with your full story in the body of the email. 
I shared with them a story of how I recovered from insomnia, and they really liked it. 
I went through two rounds of edits, and the final copy will be published in May. 
Rate: $150

​

I’ve written five articles for this site, and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed working with their team. 
The submission process was easy. 

I shared with them my full essay, and they would respond back in a timely manner with their interest. 

After that I would go through 1-2 rounds of edit which were fairly simple. The editor would make suggestions, and I would approve. 

A Fine Parent accepts articles on parenting, especially positive strategies that work. 

I’ve written about building resilience, shy kids, greenlight strategies, and handling tantrums. 

Rate: $75

​

Lisa is looking for articles on Blogging, Freelance Business, Work/Life Balance, and Tips for Working from Home with Kids.

She first wants to see your pitch and a workable outline. Once she accepts your article, you’ll share your full post in an editable Google Doc. 

I went through one round of edits before the post was published. 

Lisa was very easy to work with, and I enjoy her content. 

Rate: $50

​

Motherfigure is looking for stories on motherhood and your journey toward it. They seek pitches on pregnancy, childbirth, infertility, nursing, and postpartum.

They want you to send a brief pitch first and then once accepted they will work with you to flesh out your article. 

Rate: $100

​

I think writing for the Chicken Soup books is the easiest I’ve ever earned money. They aren’t looking for anything long (1200 words or less) and I barely had to do any edits. 

They have call outs throughout the year on various topics. I’ve written twice on the topics of “Me Time” and “Christmas.” 

Submit your story online to them, and then they’ll be in touch only if you’ve been accepted. 

Rate: $200

​

I wrote two articles for this website under their Corona Diaries series. They want to see the full story first before making their decision. 

I’m not sure if they are still taking stories for this series, but according to their website, it looks as if they might still be. 

Rate: $35

​

Chalkbeat is looking for first person narratives on education. They accept pitches from educators, advocates, parents, and students.

They are seeking original stories on your own personal experience with the education system. 

They ask you to either send a pitch or draft.

Rate: Not specified on the website, but I believe I got $100

​

According to their website, Our Teen is a publication for parents of teenagers—middle school, high school, and up to the first year or two of college—and for professionals working with teenagers. Our mission is to be a trusted source—and a fun, informative read!—for readers who are seeking information about teenagers.

They want to see a pitch first. 

I submitted two articles and went through about one round of edits. Nothing hard. 

Rate: The rate is not specified on their site, but I asked and got $75 for both articles. 

​

I’m not seeing their submission page on their website, but it doesn’t hurt to send them an email with an idea or draft. 

They accept a wide range of topics from Mom Life to Kids and Relationships.
I wrote a humorous piece about kids activities that look glamorous on Instagram but aren’t in real life. 

Rate: I got paid $50

​

This parenting site especially loves parenting humor. They accept previously published and unpublished content, but only original essays are considered for payment. 

I wrote a piece about Quiet Quitting Instagram. 

Send pitches by email. 

Rate: Website doesn’t say how much you get paid, but I got $25

​

Get Me Giddy is the world’s largest sexual health platform. I’m in the midst of working with them right now, so I technically haven’t gotten paid yet.

I am writing a piece on infertility. 

I had to pitch them first and then they sent back to me an agreement and the writer’s guidelines. Based on their writing guidelines, they want two interviews or quotes from expert sources. 
Have a pitch? Here’s the email information (Updated 11/27/22):

• Lifestyle topics/sexual health: hwisterman@getmegiddy.com (Hannah), tjohnson@getmegiddy.com (Trent), rmunford@getmegiddy.com (not sure of name!)
• Men’s health: mwerling@getmegiddy.com (Mike), ahanlon@getmegiddy.com (Andrew)
• Women’s health: nlane@getmegiddy.com (Nicole), avalenzuela@getmegiddy.com (Ashley)

Rate: $350

​

I’m not seeing a submission’s page anymore, but it never hurts to reach out. 

They want to see unique stories on the family that are outside of what the traditional family looks like. 

Think adoption, biracial families, step families

Rate: $100

​

_________________________________________________

There you have it - 17 websites to earn some extra spending cash. 

I love the fact that I can get paid to do something that I love and that it doesn’t feel like work at all. 

And I want you to feel the same empowerment when I get paid for my creativity and words. 

​

​Imagine this….you’re walking the aisles of Target, and your daughter sees a toy she wants. She whines for it. You say, “No.” She whines louder and louder and louder.

Or you just served a gourmet meal that you cooked for hours. Ten seconds into sitting down, your son proclaims that he isn’t eating it. He shoves his food away and demands for something else. He starts to cry.

Whew! The screams and cries pierce your ears. You get hot. You’re very triggered.
Now — go. How do you handle this?

When your child is having a hard time — in public, melting down, not eating, fighting with a sibling- do you sometimes have a hard time knowing what to do? 🙋‍♀️
So you resort to
🗣️yelling,
❌punishing,
🙅‍♀️threatening
🙏bribing
to make it stop?

Even though you know those things don’t have long term results?
​
But they sometimes have immediate benefits and that’s all that matters to you right now because you feel helpless!

​When we resort to yelling, punishing, threatening, and bribing, we might temporarily stop the problem, which, to be honest, is quite a relief when we have a child melting down or causing a scene.

It takes us out of the situation.

But here’s the problem, those solutions are only temporary and don’t ever actually teach your child a skill to replace the unwanted behavior.

So because your children haven’t learned ways on how to handle frustration, rejection, and disappointment, they’ll turn to what works — yelling, whining, screaming for long periods of time until you give in.

The cycle repeats itself.

Okay, but I’ve been learning positive strategies that have long term benefits, but they are so hard to remember to do in the actual moment!

If this is you, I get it. There are tons of strategies out there on Instagram, TikTok, blogs, and parenting groups.

But if you were like me, all of these strategies can be quite overwhelming and hard to know when I was actually supposed to use them.

Let alone when a child was screaming in my face.

So I created the CHECKLIST FRAMEWORK.

I gathered inspiration from high pressure jobs like airline pilots.

Pilots follow a series of routine checklists in order to ensure the maximum safety of their passengers.

I’ve rarely seen a pilot who isn’t calm and confident even when they are faced with some difficulties.

Why? Because everything is right there written down for them outlining what they need to do, and they have practiced it many times.

Let’s step back and imagine if, when faced with a challenge, your pilot started to freak out when you started to freak out, and instead of coming over the loudspeaker to ensure everyone that everything was going to be OK, they started yelling at you to be quiet and threatening you if you didn’t.

Chaos would ensue, and I guarantee things wouldn’t get better.
​
The same is true with our kids. They need calm, confident leaders who have control over the hard situations they throw at us.

Here’s how it works?

1️⃣ Choose from a list of strategies that work for you and your family.
2️⃣ Write them down on your checklist.
3️⃣ The next time you’re having a hard parenting moment, refer to your checklists that you have stored around your house or in your diaper bag and car.
4️⃣ Be the calm and confident leader that your child is more likely to respond to.
Just like how you feel calmer when your pilot or doctor knows what they’re doing, the same is true for your kids.

I even created a parenting guide, Now What?, to help you get started on your Checklist Framework. Choose from 70+ strategies that are all in one place to add to your checklists.
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When life gives you a hard moment, simply run down your checklist until something works for either a.) You to feel calmer and less triggered or b.) Your child to feel calmer and less triggered.

​You are ready to have strategies in your toolkit that you can access anytime when you are struggling to think of what to do next when you have a hard parenting moment:

*Module 1: My Child Won’t Listen (Greenlight Behavior). Now What?
*Module 2: My Child Is Whining (Yellow Light Behavior). Now What?
*Module 3: My Child is Hitting, Kicking, Biting, Throwing (Redlight Behavior). Now What?
*Module 4: My Child Won’t Go to Bed. Now What?
*Module 5: My Child is in the Middle of a Tantrum. Now What?
*Module 6: My Child Won’t Eat. Now What?
*Module 7: My Child is Scared/Anxious. Now What?
*Module 8: My Child Prefers One Parent. Now What?
*Module 9: My Child Gives Up Easily. Now What?
*Module 10: My Child Won’t Play Independently. Now What?
*Bonus Module: Some Thoughts on Screen Time
​
Click here to learn more. ​

“I was spanked and punished when I was a kid, and I turned out fine.” 

“We got to prepare kids for the real world.” 

“Kids today have no respect.” 

“You’re going to let them walk all over? I feared my parents.”

If you are a parent and have decided to adopt gentle parenting, you might have heard one of those sentiments from a family member or even a spouse. 

If you have, I’m sorry. That’s frustrating. But you’re certainly not alone, and I’m here to help. 

1. Explain What Actually is Gentle Parenting and What It Is Not
2. Explain Why Gentle Parenting Is Beneficial 
3. Address That Information is Constantly Changing
4. Reflect on Whether We Actually Are Fine
5. Gentle Parent the Parents

First…

​

Gentle parenting is an evidence-based approach to raising happy, confident children. Gentle parenting, or authoritative parenting, focuses on respect, empathy, understanding, and boundaries. 

It is NOT permissive parenting, which is defined by its lack of discipline, enforcement of rules, and boundaries. These parents take on the role of friend, rather than parent. 

It is likewise NOT authoritarian parenting which focuses on obedience and punishment over discipline. The emphasis is on making kids feel sorry for their mistakes instead of teaching them how to make better choices the next time the problem arises. 

It is also NOT overprotective parenting, helicopter parenting, where you’ll do everything to protect your child from harm, rejections, hurt feelings, failures, and disappointment. 

And it certainly IS NOT uninvolved parenting where parents pay little attention to their kids and offer them little guidance. Kids are almost expected to raise themselves. 

While a parent can definitely fall into more than one category, it is important to explain what gentle parenting is and even more important to explain what is not when getting your family on board with your gentle parenting approach. 

Sometimes, family members might scoff at the approach of gentle parenting because they are confused about what gentle parenting actually is. They, in fact, might be confusing it for permissive parenting. 

Therefore, the first step is sitting all parties down and going over the definition and key terms of what gentle parenting is and is not, so everyone has a clear idea of what to expect. 

​

Now that you have established what gentle parenting is, I’ve put together some arguments about why gentle parenting is beneficial, and, in my opinion, the best style of parenting. 

As parents, our goal should be to raise kids to be good adults. Childhood is the time to give them the skills to become good adults. It's the time to teach. 

I have unfortunately heard adults who have criticized some of the approaches of gentle parenting say things like “No one is going to coddle you in the real world,” or something along those lines. 

While that may be true, I’d argue that no one is also going to feed, dress, and drive your child to work in the real world, and no one is going to read for them and write their emails for them. Yet, it would be absurd to expect our children to do any of those things themselves and then punish them when they couldn’t. When they are developmentally ready and we’ve taught them the steps to achieve these life skills themselves is when we can start to hand some control over to them. 

The same is true with communicating big feelings and emotions. Temper tantrums are 100% a normal part of a child’s development and the only way they will learn how to handle them is if we TEACH them how to handle them and not PUNISH them. Here is an article of the stages of emotional development. 

That’s where gentle parenting comes into play. The whole concept of it is to teach kids appropriate behaviors in place of inappropriate behaviors while still validating their kids feelings but ultimately showing that they are the confident and calm leader their child needs. 

The benefits of gentle parenting are immense. 

• Reduced anxiety
• Improved parent-child bond
• Positive social skills
• Gives children a voice which helps them be heard when they get older and speak up when necessary. 
• Grow up to be good self-advocates.
• Teaches them how to be resilient and take risks.
• Teaches them how to handle failure and disappointment. 
• Increases their self-esteem, confidence, and trust in their decision making.
• Focuses on preventing behavior before it starts (Greenlight behavior). 
• Upfront work for long term benefits.  

On the other hand, authoritarian parenting can have some lifelong negative consequences. 

• Self-esteem issues because their opinions aren’t valued
• Hostile and aggressive behaviors
• Can grow up to be good liars in order to avoid punishment. 
• May see immediate results based on fear, but the same behaviors will continue to arise frequently and intensely as the children are never taught appropriate behaviors to replace the ones their parents don’t want. 
• Can start equating love and fear to be synonymous. Do you really want your son or daughter to marry someone they fear?

The next step to getting all family members to accept gentle parenting is to explain the benefits of gentle parenting while lovingly explaining some of the downfalls to other styles of parenting. ​

Heraclitus said, “The only constant in life is change.” And that is especially true for parenting. Parents are not parenting the same way they did 1,000 years ago or even 100 years ago. 

Babies used to not sit in car seats. 
Parents were told to put their babies to sleep on their stomachs.
Kids would often quit school before high school to help out the family. 

As our society advanced and we learned new things, parenting practices changed as well. That has just been the way of the world. 

Parents did the best they could with the resources they had. But with new research, we adjust and adapt in hopes that we continue to leave the next generation better than the previous one. 

I’m sure when I get older and become a grandparent, there will be even new research about parenting out there. 

“When you are finished changing, you are finished.” - Ben Franklin

There is a lot of parenting information on the internet. At times, it can be overwhelming. 

Here are a few things I remember when I see new information: 
​

The third step is sharing these questions with your family members and inviting them to reflect on these new rules, boundaries, and discipline measures. Carefully, lay out what you expect everyone to do and say when it comes to gentle parenting. (i.e. if a child hits, we do xyz). ​

In the most loving way without pointing out a singular person, it could be beneficial to point out if we actually turned out fine like so many people who advocate for “old school” parenting like to say.  

It sounds funny. 

But so many people were never taught how to deal with frustrations, rejections, and conflict that these people grew up to have their tantrums manifest in different ways. 

Just go to Twitter or the comment section or even turn on the news. These people are throwing adult tantrums in a very unhealthy way! My 3 year old son can handle his frustrations better than some of these men and women. 

You might want to skip this step if you think your recipient will become combative (which is exactly my point), but otherwise it wouldn’t hurt to just reflect with others what turning out fine actually means. 

And I don’t know about you, but I want my son to turn out more than just fine. I want him to be the best version of himself. I want him to thrive and live up to his true potential.

​

Gentle parenting doesn’t just work on kids. It works on adults too. Lastly, when sitting down relatives to have this conversation, remember some of the key points of gentle parenting - validating all feelings and applying the Most Generous Interpretation (MGI). 

Here’s a conversation you might have…

“You’ve always taught me to __________, so I’ve been researching gentle parenting and really like the long term benefits of it.” 

In this first line, you are complimenting the parents for their style of parenting. 

“I’m hoping we can all get on board with it for the benefit of ________ [child’s name].” 

Here you are providing a poignant reminder that it’s all about the child whom you all love. 

“If we ask you to ________, we are not criticizing you. I know it’s hard to remember everything when you’re used to one way for so long. It’s been hard for me too. We just want us to all be consistent because that’s what is best for [child’s name].”

Again, remind them that we are all in this together and that you are applying the MGI if they make a mistake. 

“How would you like us to address any concerns to you?” 

Lastly, you are involving them in problem-solving and helping them meet their needs. 

Allow them to ask questions and make mistakes as long as they are open to learning and doing better. 

Gentle parenting works for all ages. I use it on my son. My teenage students. My husband (or at least I try 😂). 

But, I also give myself grace if I sometimes yell or lose my cool. 

The thing with gentle parenting is that it allows for mistakes and continued improvement. 

​

I hope that those five steps are enough for family members to get on board. 

Unfortunately, there will be people who simply won’t listen, become defensive, and criticize you still. 

If that is the case, I either recommend family therapy, parent coaching, conflict management and conflict resolution, or setting boundaries that limit the time you spend with this person.

Dr. John Delony is my favorite when it comes to walking you through hard stuff. 
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There will also be times when random people will say something to your child that doesn’t align with your values. 

For example, I refuse to call my child shy to his face. But other people have. When they do, I usually say something like, “Ohh, he just likes to observe first before jumping in.” Then, I turn to my son and say, “It’s okay to take your time.”

I’m not making a big deal or lecturing people. My actions do the talking and my son knows that I’ve got his back. 

Likewise, if someone tells your child that they are making them sad by not listening or hugging them you can either talk to your child in private and explain that what the adult said was wrong or you can jump in and set the boundary straight, “Oh, we’ve been teaching our children that they don’t have to hug if they don’t want to. I’m sure you understand. You wouldn’t want someone just always hugging you.” 

Yes, this might be awkward and tough, but this is what we are literally teaching our kids - to do things that might be awkward and tough. 

Then, release any guilt about what the receiver of what you just said might be feeling. It’s on them. Not you. Listen to this if this is hard for you. 

___________________________________________________
If your family members decide to jump on board with gentle parenting, great! Now let’s set them up for success with the right tools. 

You can refer them to my blog - Laurenbarrettwrites.com to read my blogs on parenting strategies. 

Or they can join my email list where they can get monthly tips for free or weekly tips and a chance to submit questions in my Lauren Barrett Writes Insider’s Scoop Membership for a small fee. 

Or you can gift to them my book or course called Now What? Mindful Parenting Checklists for Life’s Hard Moments.

You got this!

​

At the time of writing this, it’s been 3 years and 4 months since the doctors told me that I could not get pregnant again for the foreseeable future. It would be too dangerous with my brain aneurysm. 

After receiving that diagnosis, I was a bit relieved. 

“Get pregnant again? No way. No time soon,” I thought to myself. After all, I had a 6 month old who still had some sleepless nights and battles at naptime. My body was still recovering from a c-section and everything postpartum. Breastfeeding and pumping were like full time jobs. And the memories of 9 months of all day nausea and throwing up intensely in the first-second trimesters were still too fresh. 

“Thank you, doctor. I will take your advice. No problem.” 

But, as I learned from a clinical psychologist and mom of 3, Dr. Becky Kennedy, two things are true. 

As the days turned to months and the months to a year, the stress of making sure I didn’t get pregnant and the growing desire to have another kid started to become forefront in my thoughts. 

Then, I got the good news. A year and half after surgery, my brain aneurysm was gone and I could gradually wean to a lower dosage of medicine. I could start trying to have another kid! 

That was over a year ago…

And we’ve been hit with something I never thought we would have to experience - secondary fertility. Getting pregnant with our first child was so easy. I never thought the second one would be any different.

But after some research, we learned that secondary infertility is more common than we realized. Secondary infertility is as common as primary infertility. Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples trying to conceive or about 12.5 percent. Out of all infertility causes, secondary infertility makes up about 50 percent of all cases.

I also learned something else. Two things are true.

​

Truth #1:
I want to experience being pregnant again because it’s such an amazing process and a special time in a woman’s life. I want the perks and special treatment that comes with being pregnant. 

But…two things are true. 

Truth #2:
I am a little bit relieved when I find out that I'm not pregnant. My last pregnancy was hard. I had severe morning (all day) sickness that seemed to last the whole pregnancy. I threw up a lot. I was extremely anxious and didn’t feel like myself. There is a possibility my brain aneurysm grew while I was pregnant. Will another one show up during pregnancy? 
___________________________________________________

​

I have learned this past year that often two things are true. I’ve grieved. I’ve been grateful. I’ve been resentful. I’ve been relieved. I’ve been bitter. I’ve been blessed. I’ve worried. I’ve wept. I’ve wondered. I’ve waited. I’ve hurt. I’ve hoped. And sometimes that is simply all we can do. ​

Motherhood can be incredible, AND it can be incredibly hard. For so long, the idea that mothers need to sacrifice themselves in order to be good mothers has existed in our society. From the moment we get pregnant, we are already taught to sacrifice (certain food and drinks, clothes, activities) and that only ramps up once the baby is born. 

However, I’m here to say that motherhood doesn’t always have to be the classic mom meme whose hair is in a messy bun and she is trying to juggle multiple things at once while her eyes have bags under them because she is so tired. 

It’s taken some time and some learning (You can probably see this if you go and read some of my earlier blogs on motherhood) to know how to set healthy boundaries in motherhood and in our household. These changes have been unbelievably powerful in how I live my life and view my job as a mother. 

​

Once I put my son to bed and assess if I’m good for the next day, I close shop. 

What do I mean by that? 

Think about your job as a mother as a business. Businesses open and close. I operate in that way. For my closing duties, I make sure I set up myself for success for my morning duties. Then, I clock out. 

KC Davis, licensed and professional therapist, likens it to the restaurant business. Those on the closing shift make sure they set up the kitchen for those who are opening. For example, they wipe the counters, slice lemons, and wash the dishes. 

Closing Shift Lauren does everything that won’t cause Morning Shift Lauren to stress out. For me, that is making sure there is not a huge pile of dishes in the sink, my clothes are set out, and my lunch and my son’s lunch are packed. For you, this might look different. 

After I complete those tasks, I clock out even if there are still toys not put away or even if there is a pile of laundry to be folded. 

My business is closed. Sorry. That’s just how you set a healthy boundary in motherhood.
​
 *Of course, if my son needs me after he goes to bed, I don’t say that to him. 😂*

​

To run my motherhood business successfully, I have set days for certain tasks. This system computes easier in my head than just randomly doing them. 

Saturday is laundry day. Every other Sunday I change the sheets. Tuesday is my day off for putting my son to bed. Bath is every other night. 

By doing this, I’ve set a boundary with others but mostly myself that I’m not engaging in these tasks any other day. I’m not even thinking about them because I know they’ll get done on that certain day. 

​

Another thing that KC Davis mentioned on Dr. Becky Kennedy’s Good Inside podcast is that she has shifted her language from I should to I deserve. 

I have too. 

For instance, instead of saying I should go for a run and get exercise in, I look at it this way: Either a.) I deserve to get outside and do an activity that makes me feel physically or mentally well or b.) I deserve to take a break and hang out inside on the couch. Each day I weigh the benefits of either and determine which one works better for me on that day. 

I also view chores in that way too. 

I deserve to walk into a clean kitchen in the morning instead of I should wash the dishes and clean the counters.

I deserve to not trip over a pile of toys when I walk into a room instead of I should pick up all of these toys. 

I deserve to go to bed early because I’m tired instead of I should fold these clothes and put them away. 

I also used to set up activities for the next day for my son after he went to bed because I saw these Invitations to Play on Instagram. I didn’t do them because I liked them or they made my life easier. I did them because I thought for a while that I should as a mother. 

Then, I shifted my mindset to I deserve to close shop as a mother and spend time with my husband or doing something I love like reading or watching TV instead of setting up these pointless activities that my son finished in 5 minutes. 

Phew, what a relief and a healthy boundary changing this language has been. 

​

Care tasks or chores in motherhood are cyclical, meaning that they are never ending, and you’ll never be caught up. 

That said, feelings of shame might arise when you go to rest because technically there is always something that can be done. 

No offense to my mom, but her generation and beyond were always doing something from my experience. I didn’t see her enjoy rest until she and I were older. 

I carried this learned behavior into my first year of motherhood. 

But here’s the thing - if you have shame from not working while resting, you won’t really rest, so you’ll get up to do something, which will make you even more tired and not to mention bitter. 

The cycle repeats. 

So, now, when I rest, I really enjoy the act of resting, and when I’m done resting, I get up to do something with a renewed sense of energy.

​

I’ve already blogged about the importance of scheduled nap times for my son, but bedtime and wake-up time are just as significant. 

The bedtime routine starts around 7:30 each night, and I try to stick to that as much as possible during the week. 

His Hatch turns green around 7:45 signaling that he can quietly play in his room until 7:55. At that time, the light turns yellow. During this time, we put on pajamas, read two books, pray, and sing a song. When the light turns red, we go to bed. 

Here’s the thing. Even though we put him to bed, it doesn’t mean that we expect him to go right to bed nor do I feel guilty that he doesn’t. He sometimes happily and playfully can move around for up to an hour before eventually dozing off to sleep. 

Again, in the morning, he knows that he doesn’t wake up until the birds chirp on his Hatch even if that means he is up before then. He can play or whatever his heart is content to do, but I’m not coming to get him unless he’s in distress or crying really hard. 

Have I had a family member question this practice indirectly? Yes, but to me this is a powerful boundary for all people in our family. 

We learn the power of alone time, rest, connection, and patience. And we are all happier for this. 

​

To preface, I’m not advocating for sleep training or not sleep training. I think that is a decision entirely left to what works best for you and your family. 

This article is for those parents who perhaps did sleep train and abide by scheduled nap times and feel guilty about it. Or perhaps they are at the mercy of relatives offering unsolicited advice and critiques about why you feel the need to rush home, prolong family activities, and schedule events around your child’s nap times. 

As someone who is still adhering to my son’s scheduled nap times, I’ve sometimes had to justify why the hours from 1:30-3:30 are off-limits. I used to feel guilty, but now I no longer think twice when I say that we can’t because it’s my son’s nap time.

To be fair, I try not to be rigid and if people can simply not change the time, or we have a really fun all day event, we will occasionally forgo my son’s nap. But 80-90% of the time, my son is getting his nap, and I don’t feel guilty or selfish about it at all. Here’s why. 

​

Perhaps the #1 reason why I follow scheduled nap times is that I NEED a break. I do. I don’t feel bad about that. My son’s scheduled nap times have helped me feel better about our days. They don’t feel like they drag on. I feel better about the time we spend together. I’m happier. I’m less resentful. 

And that’s all because I know that for roughly two hours I will get a break. 

And like I said I need a break. On top of just the day-to-day stresses of mom life, I spend Monday-Friday being a teacher (enough said, right) and I have some chronic illnesses (Hashimoto’s, Fibromyalgia, and acute chronic insomnia) that leave me begging for some time to rest, lie down, and take a short nap myself.
​
His nap is my time to refresh and work on my Unicorn Space. I absolutely try not to do chores and instead take advantage of the time to do things that I can’t do while my son is up. 

When he wakes up, I’m rejuvenated from my break and the rest of the day is no longer daunting but exciting. 

​

Anytime we have decided to skip the nap for the day, my son has become a monster by evening time. He’s cranky, mean, and overtired. I try to apply the MGI and remember that he skipped a nap, but my patience runs thin, especially since I haven’t had a break myself. 

Whether my son sleeps for 2 hours, 1 hour, or just quietly rests in his crib, he is getting a break from the stimulation of the world which is important to his development. 

Whenever someone questions why I have to do a nap, I’m quick to quip back, “Do you want to deal with a toddler tantrum and meltdown? Because I certainly can allow you to take care of him when he is guaranteed to go crazy.” 

Why would anyone want to deal with that? My son included. It’s not fair to him. Thus, I give him the break he deserves. 

​

Routines, rhythms, systems, or whatever fancy word they are calling predictability nowadays make me happy and help me thrive as a mother. They help my day flow.

I typically have a morning routine, nap routine, afternoon routine, and a bedtime routine. And, of course, as a teacher, we naturally have routines embedded into our day as well. 

My day typically goes better when I follow my routines, and I have somewhat of an idea of what will happen. 

Scheduled nap times help with my routines. Science even shows the benefits of routines. 

​

Toddlers thrive off routines as well. Predictability is what helps them make sense of the world. My son definitely falls into that category. 

He loves to have an idea of what the day will look like ahead of time, and his nap is what helps break his day into two distinct parts. There’s what comes before the nap and what comes after. 

Sticking to a scheduled nap time each day lets my son know what to expect. He is happier and less stressed knowing that he’ll get his nap every day. 

​

Scheduled nap times allow my husband and I to enjoy each other’s company alone. To be fair, we don’t always spend the time together. I tend to read or blog. He leans more to watching TV shows I don’t like, but we are together and occasionally will both watch shows we like or talk. 

But here’s how it helps our relationship immensely - WE AREN’T AS STRESSED! Because we both got a break. And when we are both not stressed, we are nicer to one another and our child. 

We both have come to a mutual agreement that scheduled nap times are a priority for us. There is no confusion around it, and in return, our relationship doesn’t suffer. 

We enjoy each other more. 

​

These are all reasons that work for us, and if you are someone who is feeling guilty around nap times feel free to use these reasons to validate your actions to yourself and others. 

Scheduled nap times don’t have to feel confining. In fact, they are more freeing to me. 

But again, do what works for you and your family. 

For my family, you won’t be seeing us during the hours of 1:30-3:30 because I’ll be happily resting over here. 

And for more positive parenting strategies and help with building a naptime routine, learn more about my parenting guide Now What? Mindful Parenting Checklists for Life's Hard Moments. 

​

Children like routines. This is for good reason! Routines have been found to:

• Lower stress
• Increase confidence
• And make them feel smarter.

When we create a day that is predictable for our kids, we increase the chances of them having good behavior because they know what to expect.

Remain loving but firm with boundaries. Kids become dysregulated when they feel like they are the ones calling the shots and controlling things. A confident mom will keep boundaries in check. 

Reassure your kids that ALL their feelings are valid, no matter how big they are. Reassure them they are safe and their feelings don’t scare you.  

Refill your children’s attention cups with time-ins.  Spend time each day with your kids for, at least a little bit of time, without any distractions. 

Repair when you made a mistake. Show your kids that you are human and that sometimes you yell and lose your temper. Show them that repairing is normal. Everyone messes up from time to time. 

Restore things back to order after your child has had a tantrum or hard times by teaching them strategies to use next time they have big feelings. I call these strategies greenlight strategies. 

Take them to rest yourself. Good mothers know when to rest and know not to feel guilty about resting. 

Good mothers recharge by going out with friends, exploring your passions, and reclaiming your Unicorn Space.

Our children MUST learn how to be resilient in order to find success and overcome the obstacles they will face as a human. If we sweep in to save our children from every bit of difficulty, we actually do them a disservice. We send the message that when life gets tough, someone will always help you out of it and that failure is a scary and negative thing. 
In reality, one of the best things we can do for our children is to allow them to struggle, as it provides the chance to reframe failure. Every hard moment or struggle is an opportunity to learn resilience! 

Less is more has been my mantra in parenting lately. 

There has long been the narrative that moms have to be tired, burnt out, and stressed, running around like a chicken with its head cut off (do people still use this idiom?). TV shows often depict a mom as being forgetful, clumsy, disoriented, and disheveled. 

While motherhood is certainly hard, and there are days where we are surviving instead of thriving, the overall theme of motherhood doesn’t have to be this way. 

Once we start to shift our mindset to less is more, we will start to see parenting to be more enjoyable. Reduce the number of toys, commitments, screen time, and clutter.

Read to your kids. Reading builds knowledge. 

Good moms do their research when it comes to parenting.

Then, reflect. Not everything you see on social media and the internet is right for you and your kids. Reflect on whether what you learn is right for your family. Reflect on if what you are already doing is working. Reflect on whether you need a change. ​

Record and write down what works. 

Then, next time you encounter a hard parenting moment you can use your list to recall what works for your children. Good moms are constantly learning.