Rock Me Baby
This once a week blogging is definitely going out the window. With teaching and coaching officially underway, I collapse on my bed around 9:30 PM every night in a comatose state. I have little energy to wash my body and brush my teeth. Do you think I have time to blog? No! And don't make me. Thank you.
Anyway, Baby B is starting to develop a somewhat sense of hearing, and I am about to commence an all out North Korea effort on brainwashing my baby into learning about sleeping. We're going to talk about sweet, savory slumbering all day until I wear my baby out at nighttime, and then we are going to actually sleep after playing the propaganda Sleep Song: Sleep You Little Bastard. (*Disclaimer-I do not call my baby bastard. I actually play my tummy lullabies and classical music). So that's pretty much what is going on in the pregnancy now.
I hate this phrase. I always have. Some women are skinny by genetics. Some are skinny because they work out really hard and eat healthy. That doesn't make them bitches, Meghan Trainor!
However, that kind of changed when I got pregnant. So James and I are at the new Raleigh food hall, which is AMAZING! So much food everywhere and with my appetite back I was in heaven. After devouring empanadas and beans, I was feeling HUGE. My jean shorts immediately became unbuttoned, farts were escaping my butt, and I was spread out like I was Jabba the Hutt. While I was transforming from woman to creature, a Skinny Bitch came sidling up next to us with her boy toy. She had on high heels, skinny jeans, and a low cut top with no bra. She was drinking a Mai Tai and get this....eating nothing! In a place called a Food Hall, she was eating no food! Instead she was snapping selfie after selfie. As the umpteenth fart fought its way out, that was the moment when I first used the term Skinny Bitch. And I left feeling more satisfied than ever.
Week 17 Baby was the size of a Tangy Tangerine and Week 18 baby was a sweet potato. Yum Yum.
Hush Little Baby. Don't say a word. Or Mommy's going to call you a little Turd. And if that turd does stink, you better close your eyes and don't blink, you little Bastard
-The propoganda Sleep Song
North Korean Mommy
Leave a Reply.
Photo used under Creative Commons from does_not_travel_often