As always, life has a funny way of kicking your plans to the curb and rewriting its own script. Yet, we still make plans with the hopes of sticking to them as much as possible. My life was no different. A funny thing happens the day after you get married and that is people begin asking you if you want kids and sooner or later they begin questioning (some pestering) when you are going to have kids. My answer was always the same. I want to start trying in July 2019, so I can have kid in March 2020 and take the rest of the school year off and go straight into summer, so I have a solid 6 + months at home with my newborn. With this plan in mind, we began making other plans. The student debt loan would be paid off by May 2019. We would go to Iceland. We would visit all the baseball stadiums. I would get my National Boards. I would coach cross country for two more years in order to watch a talented group finish out their senior year. I wanted to get more involved in my volunteering. I wanted to train for a 5k and run it in times comparable to my college times. The list goes on. People would ask what would happen if the plan didn't work out the way I had imagined it in my mind. I would laugh and remind them that plans usually don't go according to, well, plan, and that I would be fine with it. That was until it actually happened.
I stared down at the positive pregnancy test in disbelief, wondering how on earth this could have happened. I mean, I get how procreating works, but I track my cycle very carefully, and the time of conception in terms of percentages is a really rare time to actually become pregnant. I then spent the rest of the evening crying and lamenting the changes my body was about the undergo and the plans that were now thrown out the window. Luckily for my future child's sake, my husband was thrilled. We will tell him/her his side only.
However, the next day was different, while still anxious about the upcoming changes in our life, I realized that God has his own plans for us. We may not like them, and we may not get them, but He knows best. I had really thought he was calling me to other things with motherhood on the back burner, but now I realize I was wrong. Motherhood it is, and I just might see why now.
At this moment, no one knows about my impending belly bump except my husband, my mom, and a good friend who is pregnant herself (I had some questions). I don't plan (haha plans) on telling friends and extended family until the end of July. With my thyroid disease I have a higher chance of a miscarriage. James and I plan on telling our fathers on Father's Day.
In addition, I don't know too much about pregnancies and babies, so I threw myself into the research, buying two books (What to Expect When You are Expecting and Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy), downloading two apps (Ovia and UNC Rex Healthcare), and signing up for a Newsletter. Here is what I learned and how I feel so far.
Dear Little one,
You weren't in our plans for right now, but we are overjoyed at the new plans God has in store for us. We are going to do everything we can to raise you as a strong child of God. We love you. Keep growing, little one.
Mommy and Daddy
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6