How to Use Scaffolding to Get Your Kids to Actually Stop Hitting Once and For All and Other Reasons Scaffolding Works

2/26/2023

I’m a special education teacher. One of my job’s is to write individualized goals for each of my students.

For example, one of my students might have a goal to read 150 words correct per minute on a grade level passage.

Let’s say, currently, she is averaging reading 90 words correct per minute.

The next day after writing the fluency goal for my student, I have her come into my class and read a passage. Predictably, she reads about 90 words.

Now imagine if I said, “Stop reading 90 words per minute,” and I continued to say that every time she read around 90 words.

In fact, I would even say, “Stop reading 140 words correct per minute,” if she reaches that 140 word mark because after all 140 words correct per minute is not her goal.

That’s all I did.

Would my student reach her goal? Maybe, eventually down the road (or more likely if she got a better teacher haha).

But, I would imagine it would take a long time to reach her goal, if she ever did. And I would also venture to say that she would probably be pretty discouraged and unmotivated to want to continue.

Now, let’s use a similar example when it comes to parenting.

Currently, we have a child who hits and ultimately our goal is for our child to stop hitting.

Child: Hits

Parent: “STOP HITTING!”

Child: Hits

Parent: “I TOLD YOU TO STOP HITTING!” Punishes (takes away a toy or puts child in time-out).

Child: Hits

Parent: Frustrated 🤦

What’s Missing Here?

In education, I don’t only just write goals. I map out a plan to help my students reach their goals.

Along their way to reaching their goals, I have objectives (or checkpoints), and I use scaffolding and interventions to help them get there.

I can’t expect my students to go from their current behavior to their goal behavior in one gigantic leap.

That would be like jumping from the bottom of the stairs to the top or jumping from the bottom of a building to the top. The end result is most likely going to end in them failing miserably.

We need all the in between stuff to help us get to the top.

In a similar sense, how can we expect kids to go from hitting to not hitting just by telling them.

The scaffolding and teaching part are missing.

What is Scaffolding?

Think of it in terms of construction. It’s what helps the workers reach the top.

It’s a metaphor for providing students with temporary, supportive structures that, just like in constructing a structure, are “gradually removed as the building nears completion.” (Riddett, 2015).

When a student demonstrates proficient independence, the scaffold is no longer needed (Gibbons, 2002).

When it comes to hitting, types of scaffolding can be…

Physically guiding their hands to what they are supposed to do.
Verbally telling them what to do with their hands instead of hitting.
Role-playing with stuffed animals or dolls.
Remove yourself, so they won’t hit you.
Providing objectives and praise/reward them when they reach that objective.

Why Does Scaffolding Work?

It’s frankly absurd to expect kids to go from a current behavior to a goal behavior just like that without any in betweens. It’s simply too hard. And not to mention developmentally inappropriate.

Imagine if you never ran before in your life and then all of a sudden you were told to run a marathon. No way, right?

Kids need to be taught how to not hit through scaffolding, practice, and reinforcement.

When our kids see themselves make progress, they are more likely going to want to continue to make progress.

Scaffolding helps kids:

Retain new information
Gain more autonomy and independence
Bridge learning gaps
Feel less frustrated and confused
Increase motivation
Improves communication between parent and child

How To Use Scaffolding to Help Kids Stop Hitting?

My son when he was a toddler, along with many other toddlers, would hit.

Toddlers, when angry, have no idea any other way to express their frustration than hit, throw, kick, bite, or tantrum….that is until we teach them.

So if you have a kid who hits, guess what? Your child is normal.

But it’s not fun, and, of course, we eventually want them to learn to express their anger in a different way.

So here’s what to do…

#1 Break down your goal behavior into objectives
Hitting → Screaming → Stomping → Hitting a pillow or stuffed animal → Squeezing hands into fists → Saying, “I want to hit you,” first before hitting → Scribbling an angry picture → Pounding play doh → Hugging themselves → Using the ASL sign for “angry → Taking deep breaths → Verbally expressing that they are angry and need some time alone.

These are just some examples and a pretty exhaustive list that we certainly do not expect our kids to all the way reach or do every single one in such perfect succession.

*Some adults can’t even do all of these.”

#2 Teach
In order to teach your child not to hit, you need to tell them what to do and how to replace the behavior of hitting.

As previously mentioned, when it comes to hitting, types of scaffolding can be…

Physically guiding their hands to what they are supposed to do.
Verbally telling them what to do with their hands instead of hitting.
Role-playing with stuffed animals or dolls.
Remove yourself, so they won’t hit you.
Providing objectives and praise/reward them when they reach that objective.

#3 Practice
When it comes to learning a new behavior, we all need practice to master it. We can’t just tell our kids one time what we expect them to do. We need to allow them to practice what they learn.

For example, our child gets angry and hits. We take their hands and guide them to what we want them to do or model what we feel like they can do developmentally (i.e. maybe scream instead of hit).

When they are calm, we remind them of what we want them to do instead of hitting and then practice with them.

I call these GREENLIGHT STRATEGIES.

#4 Reinforce
To reinforce the behaviors we want, we need to provide praise and modeling.

PRAISE: When they hit an objective, we praise them for what they did right.
“You told me that you wanted to hit me, but then stopped yourself. Good job!”
“You hit me, but then knew that that was wrong and hugged yourself instead. Awesome!”
“Did you just scream instead of hitting? Highfive!”

MODELING: Model how you behave when you get angry and let your child see.
“Ugh my cup broke. I’m really angry. I feel like punching something, but I’m going to take a couple of deep breaths instead.”

Another great way to provide reinforcement is to actually create a visual like one of those thermometers companies use for fundraising.

At the top, write the goal behavior and all the way down the thermometer write your child’s objectives. Each time they hit a new one, allow your child to color in the thermometer.

Now, your child is taking the independence of tracking his own progress!

#5 Take Away the Scaffolding
Once your child is successfully and consistently hitting their objectives, you can take away your supports.

Maybe you stop physically showing them what to do. Then, remove your verbal input.

Until finally, they are doing it all on their own.

Success!

Scaffolding works and will ultimately lead your child to their goal behavior much quicker than yelling, punishing, threatening, and bribing.

With scaffolding, your child is learning a new behavior to replace the inappropriate one and helping them reach a point of independence.

That is always our goal as parents — to raise kids who can become independent, self-regulated adults!

Click here to get my Scaffolding Guide where I break down 20 goal behaviors, like staying in bed, eating the dinner you made, pooping on the potty, into actionable, developmentally appropriate objectives.

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Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing preschooler. Lauren is a 3x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge, children's book, Henry's Hiccups, and parenting guide Now What? Mindful Checklists for Life's Hard Parenting Moments, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram at @laurenbarrettwrites, and get her free guide on what to do during the middle of a tantrum.

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