Children like routines. This is for good reason! Routines have been found to:
Remain loving but firm with boundaries. Kids become dysregulated when they feel like they are the ones calling the shots and controlling things. A confident mom will keep boundaries in check.
Reassure your kids that ALL their feelings are valid, no matter how big they are. Reassure them they are safe and their feelings don’t scare you.
Refill your children’s attention cups with time-ins. Spend time each day with your kids for, at least a little bit of time, without any distractions.
Repair when you made a mistake. Show your kids that you are human and that sometimes you yell and lose your temper. Show them that repairing is normal. Everyone messes up from time to time.
Restore things back to order after your child has had a tantrum or hard times by teaching them strategies to use next time they have big feelings. I call these strategies greenlight strategies.
Take them to rest yourself. Good mothers know when to rest and know not to feel guilty about resting.
Good mothers recharge by going out with friends, exploring your passions, and reclaiming your Unicorn Space.
Our children MUST learn how to be resilient in order to find success and overcome the obstacles they will face as a human. If we sweep in to save our children from every bit of difficulty, we actually do them a disservice. We send the message that when life gets tough, someone will always help you out of it and that failure is a scary and negative thing.
In reality, one of the best things we can do for our children is to allow them to struggle, as it provides the chance to reframe failure. Every hard moment or struggle is an opportunity to learn resilience!
Less is more has been my mantra in parenting lately.
There has long been the narrative that moms have to be tired, burnt out, and stressed, running around like a chicken with its head cut off (do people still use this idiom?). TV shows often depict a mom as being forgetful, clumsy, disoriented, and disheveled.
While motherhood is certainly hard, and there are days where we are surviving instead of thriving, the overall theme of motherhood doesn’t have to be this way.
Once we start to shift our mindset to less is more, we will start to see parenting to be more enjoyable. Reduce the number of toys, commitments, screen time, and clutter.
Read to your kids. Reading builds knowledge.
Good moms do their research when it comes to parenting.
Then, reflect. Not everything you see on social media and the internet is right for you and your kids. Reflect on whether what you learn is right for your family. Reflect on if what you are already doing is working. Reflect on whether you need a change.
Then, next time you encounter a hard parenting moment you can use your list to recall what works for your children. Good moms are constantly learning.