Doug Wanoy's Coaching Tree 10 Step Protocol

Lauren Barrett

*So I guess I'm just fully committed to writing blogs about my family this summer.* 

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Who is Doug Wanoy? 

Doug Wanoy is a heavy Lib. A Serbian Hero. An activist. An advocate. A pickleball player. A Kansas City Chief's fan. A troll. He is everything and he is nothing all at once. 

Someone who set out to do his work in anonymity has suddenly gained some notoriety and now people are left with some burning questions...

Is Doug Wanoy Kyle? Is Kyle Doug Wanoy? Is Doug Wanoy me? Is it all one elaborate scheme? What is real and what is fake? 

And that, my friends, is all part of the Doug Wanoy's Coaching Tree 10 Step Protocol. 

Doug Wanoy's Coaching Tree 10 Step Protocol. ​

​#1 Change Your Persona Often

Any good ruse master knows that if you change your Twitter Bio or Facebook picture often enough that no will expect anything or be none the wiser. 

By doing this, you are guaranteeing that nothing can be traced backed to you. 

"Oh no, that is Doug Wanoy the wannabe football ref. I'm Doug Wanoy the Serbian hero. We are absolutely not the same person." 

​#2. Commit to the Bit

Always, always commit to the bit. Even if you have to play the long game. Even if you have to throw up a poll. It is worth it it. 

Exhibit A
During Christmas vacation a few years ago, Doug Wanoy started to grow a Fumanchu. He offered a prize to anyone who could point out something different about him. This game taunted, rattled, and drove family members to the point of insanity trying to guess what it was. 

But Doug Wanoy waited patiently and finally weeks later my husband guessed it. 

Exhibit B

#3 Don't Be Afraid to Take Things Too Far

There comes a point in your training where you are going to need to step out of your comfort zone, rattle a few feathers, and take things too far. You might even sacrifice Civic Integrity all in the name of a prank. 

When you have mastered this art, you are ready. 

Exhibit A 

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

#4 Be Competitive Even If You Have to Sacrifice Your Own Enjoyment

I'm not talking about just sports and games here. You need to have the drive to win no matter what you do. 

• Jogging down the side of the road and someone else is jogging? WIN. 
• Taking a trip to Manitoba Springs, CO and want to hike the Incline? Leave your loved ones behind even if they are gasping for oxygen and WIN. 
• Going on a white water rafting trip with your wife, 16-year old daughter, and 10-year old son without a guide in your raft? You must be the first raft to finish and WIN. 
• Doing a fun father-daughter scavenger hunt for Father's Day? Soak yourself in sweat and WIN. 

#5 Infilitrate Snake Identification Groups

Snake Identification Groups are easy targets.

They take pride in their snake sightings. You take pride in messing with them. 

 They say venomous. ​You say poisonous.

​They say the snake is harmless. You say the snake is lethal. 

You garner (garter for a snake pun) sympathy. They ask you to stay. 

​#6 Always Fake Outrage

One of the most important rules in the protocol is to fake that you are outraged by someone's innocent actions. 

If someone says, posts, or writes something remotely on the side of obscene, offensive, or off kiltered, you are to be outraged no matter of the outrageous actions you have done in the past. 

This takes any and all attention away from whatever you did. Because we all know you did something. 

​#7 Support Your Loved Ones

You must always support your loved ones. Even if you are 100% wrong. Teach others to do the same. 

Exhibit A
My mom and I bribed people to subscribe to the Yak.

Exhibit B
My one and only comment for a while on my blog about Kyle. I didn't know who Doug Wanoy was at first, and I was deeply saddened. 

Exhibit C
Dean (aka my dad) comment on my blog about MLB stadiums. At first, I thought it was a real person who liked my blog but then he tried to get me to buy him tickets to a game. 

#8 Be Vehemently Wrong

Be wrong about something so absurd and spend hours arguing about it for the sake of it. 

Once I overheard my dad and my cousin's husband arguing over who is more athletic: Cross Country runners or Lebron James. 

As a former cross country runner collegiately, I appreciate how right he is. 

Then, you know what to do next. 

#9 Annoy Pickleball Groups Relentlessly 

When you think you've annoyed them enough, go back for more. 

​Go until the Pickler does an article about you. 

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​#10 Be the Best

In all seriousness, my dad is the best. Everyone he meets loves him. He is so willing to help everyone and go out of his way to make someone feel comfortable or help someone in need. 

He was the best dad growing up and still is. 

He is retired from actual work (not trolling) but yet he wakes up at 5am to Uber in order to help raise money for our adoption.

Although I think he spends most of the Uber ride trying to see if people know who Kyle is and ultimately who he is, he doesn't have to be doing this. 

Raise a glass for Doug Wanoy tonight. 

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Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 3x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge, children's book, Henry's Hiccups, and parenting guide Now What? Mindful Checklists for Life's Hard Parenting Moments, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy.  She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram at @laurenbarrettwrites, and get her free guide on what to do during the middle of a tantrum. ​