The tables have turned. The friend has now become the foe. My ally now my rival. My partner my assailant. I am sleeping with the enemy (quite literally because, well, figuratively isn't going so well with all the gagging in the evening). The baby is no longer the object of my anger. It's now directed at my husband. He did this to me. He must pay. The morning sickness has stepped up a notch, and it is naturally all of James' fault. He is either being overly supportive and asking me how I am doing way too much, or is isn't being supportive enough and not hugging me when I need him to or just letting me cry. I am not going to split hairs here and debate who is right, but it's me. I am right. Duhh. Figure me out, James! I dare you.
By now in this point of pregnancy I have had some oddly specific, vivid dreams. I have killed the baby at least three times. By now, I am like Wake up, stupid baby. I know you are not dead. I literally see you breathing. Quit trying to scare me. In one dream, I put the baby down in his crib, turned my head for a second, and then the next thing you know heaps of blankets are piling on top of my baby. Not thin blankets but heavy ass ones, smothering him. In another one, my baby started choking on air. No one could figure out how to do the Heimlich Maneuver, and he was being passed around from person to person except to me who was screaming that I knew how to do it. Eventually, he got passed to a gym teacher, and next thing I know the baby is dead.
So if you are having these kinds of dreams, they are totally natural. It's normal to have fears and anxieties about your pregnancy and if your baby is healthy and what kind of mom you will be and will your son or daughter love you. It's important to remember that you are not alone and not crazy. It's totally okay if you cry out of no where. It's 2018 no longer should women be expected to suck it up and act as if everything is fine 24/7. Hopefully, you have a husband or partner who is there for you because, baby, you need his lovin'.
Oh well I do declare that the baby is now the size of a southern pecan. Y'all my little darling is just growing up so fast. Bless his/her heart, he/she will be here before I know it. Y'all come back next week for more updates.
Dear my new ally,
It's you and me pal. Daddy is actually a really nice guy and will be a great father to you. He's really excited to meet you. He asks how you are doing every day. Sometimes, Daddy doesn't know what to do when people cry. He's not used to that, but I am sure you are going to melt his heart and make him softer. Thanks, Kid. Mommy owes you.
Your partner in crime