3 Game Changing Steps to Ditch the Mom Guilt for Going on Vacation

​Lauren Barrett

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Have you ever had mom guilt for going on vacation? 

If you have, you are definitely not alone. I would venture to say that almost 100% of moms have experienced mom guilt at some point. 

And that number probably hovers around the same when we, moms, decide to indulge in some much needed self care and go on vacation. 

I remember the first time my husband and I went on vacation and left my son with his grandparents. We were flying to San Francisco for a few days to go to a friend’s wedding and sightsee. 

Dr. Becky often says that two things are true. And that was certainly true in my case. 

I was very much ready to have some self care as a working mom. A chance to travel uninhibited with my husband and hang out with other adults without worrying about nap and feeding schedules. 

But I also had mom guilt. 

Mom guilt for leaving my son. How would he do without me? 

Working mom guilt. I just started back to work full-time. I felt bad for not spending enough time with him. 

Mom guilt for going on vacation. Why did I deserve a break? Many moms don’t get this chance to get up and leave like this.

Breastfeeding mom guilt. Would I be able to pump? Did I leave enough of a supply for my son? Would he take a bottle? 

My son is now three years old, and I have taken more trips and weekend getaways since. 

My mom guilt still creeps up every now and then, but I have developed some game-changing steps on how to overcome mom guilt for going on vacation. 

Now, I can take trips that leave me feeling relaxed, rested, and recharged. Just as they should be. 

But first…

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What is Mom Guilt? 
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Mom guilt is that feeling of guilt women experience when it comes to their kids. It’s that worry that they’re doing things wrong or not living up to their expectations. 

It often arises when they start comparing themselves to other moms or striving to be that unrealistic version of a perfect mom. 

Mom guilt can be subtle or overpowering. It can linger or come in bursts. It can be crippling or nagging.  It can prevent moms from doing what they need or want to do because they are afraid of how it will look or others will perceive them. 

It can stem from social media and thinking that you aren’t doing enough. It can arise from your own childhood and wanting to do things better than your own parents. It can take root in people or society questioning your parental decisions. 

On the surface, mom guilt can appear harmless, but repeatedly experiencing mom guilt that leads you to questioning your decisions and worth can be quite harmful. 

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What are Mom Guilt Examples? ​

Mom guilt examples can take place in many forms. 

They can involve big decisions in motherhood: 

• Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding
  
• Staying at home vs. working
  
• Daycare vs. nanny  
  
• Sleep training vs. bedsharing 
  
• Rocking a baby to sleep vs. letting a baby self-soothe or cry it out.
  
• Baby led weaning vs. pureeing food
  
• How much screen time to give a child
  
• Being busy vs. unbusy
  

Or they can involve small decisions in motherhood: 

• Going out with friends for a girls night
  
• Not being with your child
  
• How elaborate to be on a birthday party
  
• Doing arts and crafts
  
• How many activities you do over the Christmas season
  
• Giving or not giving junk food
  
• Yelling at your child
  

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How to Deal With Mom Guilt? ​

I don’t think we can ever fully answer the question of how to stop mom guilt, but there are definitely ways to answer how to cope with mom guilt. 

Over the years, I’ve found three effective ways to overcome mom guilt for going on vacation.

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#1 Have a Mantra 

When you plan a vacation for yourself with friends or a partner, there are going to be feelings of excitement. 

You know you deserve this trip. You imagine the weather. The food. The drinks. The shopping.  The sleeping in. The time spent alone unencumbered. And you are so ready to jetset away. 

Then, as the trip starts nearing closer, a voice in your head starts to creep in and question your decisions. 

Should I even be going? Are my kids going to be okay without me? Maybe I should cancel. They might need me. I’ll go another time. 

This is the mom guilt. And it is more than likely inevitable. It will show up before the trip, on the trip, and even maybe after the trip. 

That’s why we need to be prepared for it and have a mantra for when it comes along. 

Have a pre planned script for when this voice inside your head starts talking to you. 

Hello Mom Guilt. We meet again. I know you think I should cancel this trip.

But, I deserve some time for self-care. Self-care makes me a better parent. Self-care makes me a better parent. When I come back from the trip, I can show up for my kids and be a better version of myself. 

Not going on this trip can lead to burnout and stress which ultimately will lead me to yelling at my kids or doing something I feel worse about. 

I need to go. But thank you for your concern. 

My kids are in good hands, and I’m a phone call away. 

Repeat that mantra every time the mom guilt for going on vacation scolds you. 

Acknowledge the mom guilt. Reaffirm your decision. Look at the facts. Then, send the guilt on its way. 

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#2 Prepare your children

To minimize the mom guilt while you are away on vacation, prepare your children for your trip ahead of time. 

Begin by telling them that you are going on a trip and then give them all the details. 

• With whom they are staying
• Where they are staying
• How long you’ll be gone
• Feelings that might arise

Mark your departure on the calendar and then practice saying goodbye and leaving by role-playing and connecting with humor. 

Read books or watch shows where the mom leaves and then comes back.

The more you talk about your trip and practice leaving, the less likely your children will be so anxious and scared while you’re gone.

Having this knowledge while you are soaking up some sun on an island will help minimize that mom guilt if it ever pops up. Because you know you did all you could to prepare them for this. The rest is out of your hands. 

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#3 Make Your Goodbye Swift

When it’s time to leave, make like Taylor and be swift. Parents can get into trouble when their goodbyes linger for too long, and they let their emotions run wild in front of their kids. 

Be confident in your goodbye. Give your children big hugs, tell them that you love them, they’ll be safe, you’ll be back, and you’ll call. Then leave. Even if they cry. 

It’s hard. But it’ll be harder for them and you if you stay behind to try to soothe them.

This is what happened on Henry’s first day of preschool. I gave him a big squeeze and told him to take a big breath. Then, I left and he was whisked away from me. The first day was hard. He cried. He asked for me. I worried about him. 

But guess what. It gets easier.

And the same will be for you when you go on vacation.

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Wrapping It Up 

Ditching the mom guilt for going on vacation is not always easy. It takes work, but it’s totally worth it. 

Remembering to address the mom guilt when it shows up and having a mantra to clapback is the crucial first step. 

Then, preparing your kids for your trip is a key second step. That way you can remind yourself when the mom guilt creeps in that you did your best with all you had to prepare for this moment. 

Lastly, making your goodbyes quick will help you from changing your mind. 

You deserve to get away. Don’t let your mom guilt stop you! 

Check out my parenting guide, Now What?, on different strategies to do during life’s hard moments with your kids. ​

For more mindful parenting strategies that will help making leaving your kids easier, checkout my checklists below. 

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Lauren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all parents become their best selves and build positive relationships with their kids through mindful parenting. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing by day, a cross country coach by the afternoon, a writer/author by her son's nap times, and a full time mom to an amazing toddler. Lauren is a 2x author of the Add One-A-Day 30 Day Challenge and children's book, Henry's Hiccups, a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes, and has been published on sites like A Fine Parent, Pregnant Chicken, Pop Sugar, Her View From Home, and Scary Mommy.  She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on Instagram and get her free parenting checklists. 

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