My Classroom is Becoming Dangerously Close to Barstool's The Yak: The Class: A Parody of The Yak9/28/2024  If you are in the field of teaching, it’s no secret that the state of education has its flaws. It’s also no secret that the past year has been sad for me. So toward the end of last year and the start of this year, I decided to bring back some fun to the classroom and add some levity despite all the seriousness of high-stakes testing, politics, school shootings, drama on social media, and the rise of anxiety in teens. In the process, my classroom is becoming dangerously close to the Yak (APPROPRIATELY). In my class, there are nine students plus me. Mentally, I’ve assigned each student to a member of the Yak. But because I’m an utmost example of a professional I will not be using students’ real names and will instead be using fake names. Try to see which member of the Yak corresponds to my students. Guess in the comments who matches to whom. THE YAK
MY CLASS
Some Yak Members will be played by girls. Some of the these conversations and situations are real ones that we've had in class and some have been altered for dramatic effect. This is something entirely different than my normal style of writing. I hope you like it. It might be a complete miss, but I had fun writing it. 🎵It’s The Class. It’s The Class. Get your water Barrett style and stay for a while. (Yo, Zoe turn that down) It’s The Class. It’s The Class. Yeah it’s time to be cringe and do a prefix binge It’s The Class. 🎵 Ms. Barrett: Hello! It's The Class. LaurenBarrettWrites.com Promo Code BARRETT. 20% off your first purchase. Good-Tips. Must Gos. Free goodies. Bloggers. Short Stories. LaurenBarrettWrites.com Promo Code BARRETT. Ms. Barrett: Good afternoon! So what’s up, guys? I missed you guys over the weekend. What’s going on? B walks in late. Sits close to me. Ms. Barrett: B is here. B: Sorry I’m late. My ab workout was postponed. I got q’d up at the bell tower. Alex G. Bell got that line on hold for real though. No cap, Ms. B. Trust. Ms. Barrett: B: Ms. Barrett: B: There was a long line at Taco Bell, and it took a while to order my Cheesy Gordita Crunch. Ms. Barrett stifles back hilarious laughter. Nae: Damn. That’s good. Ivan: Laughs. Skyler: Fist pumps B. B: Yeah. So many fatties in line tryin’ to order the whole menu, but I brought you a taco, Ms. B. Want one? Ms. Barrett: Thanks, B. But because you’re late, you can either take the tardy, or we can spin the punishment wheel. Nae: What’s the punishment wheel? Ms. Barrett: I’m glad you asked, Nae. We went over it on the first day of school. You weren’t here. Nae: I have so many other classes. Ms. Barrett: Well, I’m glad to see that you dropped one of your classes to make room for this class. It’s at the same time every day 11:15 Eastern Time (10:15 Central). Ivan: Why did we need to know the Central Time? Ms. Barrett: No reason. Nae: I was fixin’ to get an A in ‘Merica History and they just dropped my ass out of that class. Canceled it. Skyler: Nae, I talked to Mama, and she said this new schedule is good for you. Nae: Whatcha talkin’ to my mama for? Ronny: Your mama is such a delight. Skyler: Want Ms. Barrett to get it back? She’ll get the class back for you. Ms. Barrett: I’ll get it back for you. I’ll talk to the principal and try to get that class back for you. Anyway, the punishment wheel. Devaughn: Interrupts the flow of the class with a fit of coughing and hacking. He, then, goes on a rant about the Nets - the internet, interweb, WI-FI - not working fast enough, so he can play his Roblox. Everyone looks around and starts murmuring. All (whispering): He’s got to go. He needs to leave. Ms. B., get him out of this class. Ms. Barrett (ignoring the group’s consensus): So, you can take the tardy in PowerSchools. Per school policy, many tardies equals lunch detention or ISS or you can spin the Punishment Wheel. On the Punishment Wheel are things like making a phone call to someone. This generation doesn’t know how to talk on the phone. Doing an act of kindness. Writing a grammatically correct paragraph. Reading silently. Or the gauntlet. Nae: What’s the gauntlet? Ms. Barrett: Glad you asked, Nae. The gauntlet will consist of throwing a ball against the door. You got to catch it 10x with each hand. You then have to speed walk all around the library loop. Come back. Make one ping pong into the basket. Then, name 5 states on Sporcle. B: NAME 5 STATES? I can’t do that! Ms. Barrett: Hmm… You don’t know the states? I wrote you differently in my head. I might have mischaracterized you a bit. B: What? Ms. Barrett: Never mind. Skyler: You got this, bro. Ronny: I have such anxiety about this. Ms. Barrett: Okay, today is Morphological Monday. We will learn the NOT prefix family. Skyler: What’s a prefix? Ms. Barrett: You should have learned that already. You’re a sen-... Skyler (winking): I’ve only been here a year. Ms. Barrett: Oh right, everyone. Skyler is a sophomore. Happy one year of being at this school, Skyler. Ms. Barrett: The first prefix in the family is Dis-. Nae: Starts to walk out of the classroom. Ms. Barrett: Nae? Where are you going? Nae: My DoorDash is here with my Chick-Fil-A. Ms. Barrett: Before you go, can you do our High School ad read? Nae: What? Ms. Barrett: I’m doing a bit. Just go with it. Read this. Nae: It’s time to load up on the fries and break out the oversized T-shirts because the High School Concession Endzone Pack is here. It includes limited edition fan faves, pizza and pom poms, along with ring pops and koozies. The High School Endzone Pack is a fall exclusive which means it’s here for a good time, not a long time. Visit High School Spirits.com before your next Friday Night Lights to find a pack near you. Ms. Barrett: Let’s look at some words that start with the prefix dis-. Disown. What does that mean? Ivan: Not to own anymore. Get rid of. B: Like how I’m about to disown my cat, Drummer Bones, if she claws my feet in the middle of the night one more time. Skyler: No, dude, bro. No, don't even, oh dude. Not Drummer. B: Bro, I got her on lockdown mode. Skyler: You know you like it when she’s sassy though. B: You know I do. Skyler and B at the same time: Ohhh shit. Fist bumps. Ms. Barrett: Let me buy something for Drummer. Ok new word - disbelief. Ronny: I saw on Tik Tok that Beethoven is dropping a new single. I’m in disbelief. Nae: But isn’t that ni- Ivan: Whoa, there Nae. I know you have said that before, but here? Nae: I’m allowed to say it. What I was going to say is this: Isn’t that nineteen century classical composer dead though? Skyler: I think he died in the 18th century. Ms. Barrett: Zoe, can you pull up a picture of Beethoven. Zoe: Huh? Devaughn: Interrupts the flow of the class with a fit of coughing and hacking. Someone from outside my classroom: Get him out of here. Someone else from outside my classroom: That cough wasn’t even that bad. Someone from outside my classroom: But he’s taking up too much room in that classroom. There needs to be an empty chair in case Ms. Barrett ever has students stop by. Ms. Barrett: We'll let the wheel decide if he stays. Zoe: Mozart dropped a new single. Not Beethoven. Ronny: Ohh darn it. I got my facts wrong again. Skyler: Ohh no, shucks, guys, I got my 18th Century Classical Composers wrong again. Ms. Barrett: Was Mozart the deaf one? Ivan: I believe it was Beethoven. B: Yeah he was on some of that Helen Keller shit. I’m in disbelief. How is a deaf guy composing music? Skyler: Something is fishy about that. Ronny: They have some crazy ass names too. Skyler: Ludwig. Wolfgang. All: Laughs B: Wolfgang is a wild name. Skyler: Hello, this is little Wolfgang. He’ll be joining us in kindergarten. B: Awooooo. Nae: What about Bach? Ivan: Chopin. Ms. Barrett: I think we are missing the point? What do you mean Mozart dropped new music? He’s dead. Skyler: Would you say you’re in disbelief? Jenna Gray: According to Google, the seven-movement piece is believed to have been written in the mid to late 1760s, when Mozart was a teenager. Ms. Barrett: Holy crap. Jenna Gray is here. I didn’t see you way over there behind your computer. Jenna Gray: Yep, I’m here. Ms. Barrett: What’s going on? How are you? Jenna Gray: I made a mug cake today in Foods class. Ms. Barrett: What’s a mug cake? B: I think it’s has crumbled oreo and pudding to look like mud. Jenna Gray: No. Mug cake. Ms. Barrett: Are you saying mud or mug? Jenna Gray: Mug as in my favorite place to keep pennies I find off the ground. Ms. Barrett: That’s a crazy example for mug! Ivan:(Groans) You’re infuriating. Ms. Barrett: Notices Rick writing on the table. Rick has written on the table. “Want a BBL call this number.” Skyler: Uh oh, it must be horny hours for Rick. You dawg, Rick. Ms. Barrett: More like WARN-y Hours. This is your warning not to write that kind of stuff again. I will write you up. Nae: The other night I was just relaxing, being cool, you know, like I am and this woman gonna come up to me and say, Nae, I said, yeah, that's my name. Ms. Barrett: Don’t finish that. Skyler: I love when BerNAE Mac shows up. Ms. Barrett: So Gray what’s on the prep sheet today? Jenna Gray: What? Ms. Barrett: I mean anything you want to talk about? Anything on your mind? Jenna Gray: No? Ms. Barrett: That’s odd. I guess you weren’t prepared. Ms. Barrett: Let’s continue with our next NOT Family prefix - non-. What do we think nonperishable means? Ronny: Non- means not. Isn’t perish like to die or something? B: Not able to die. Ms. Barrett: Yes, now let’s think of it in terms of food. Like a canned food drive you want to collect nonperishable foods. Skyler: Not able to spoil or rot. Like canned food. Nae: Oh like canned sardines. Mama used to make that for me growing up. Skyler: Eww, dude, that’s nasty. Ronny: Oh no, it’s good. Put a little mayo on it and you got yourself a delightful treat. B: Crackers. Ritz crackers is another example. Skyler: The BEST crackers, bro. Ivan: No way, the club crackers are superior. Ronny: Saltines. Ms. Barrett: Canned cranberries are the best. Skyler: Should we tier nonperishable foods? Ms. Barrett: Zoe, pull it up. Zoe: What? Class continues. B: Ms. B, can I get some of that special water? Ms. Barrett: You’ve all earned it. You’ve been working hard. Ms. Barrett walks the class into the small break room with the fridge and the filtered water. They all say the creed over the “special water,” and she pours them a glass of the water. The class continues on a little bit more. Ms. Barrett: Well, the bell is about to ring. Before we go let's do our picks for the week. My bet is that B will be late 2x this week to class. B, Skyler, you have a parlay for us? Skyler: I'm taking the Felix Gray B Seein' Parlay. Ms. Barrett: Skyler: Jenna Gray forgets her glasses over 3 times this week and B takes your bluelight glasses because he thinks they look good on him over 3 times this week. All : Laughs Ms. Barrett: Whatcha got, B? B: Go Go Grease Lightning Parlay. Ms. Barrett: Let's hear it. B: We'll go Devaughn will have 10 coughing fits in one class period and Sandy will bang on your door and interrupt your class 5 times week. You'll tell them both to, 'Go, go' while pointing to the door. Ms. Barrett: Nae, any quick picks? Nae: Ms. Barrett: Well, on that note, It's The Class. See you tomorrow, everyone. 🎵It’s The Class. It’s The Class. Get your water Barrett style and stay for a while. (Yo, Zoe turn that down) It’s The Class. It’s The Class. Yeah it’s time to be cringe and do a prefix binge It’s The Class. 🎵 Zoe stays behind. She’s the last one left in class to close her laptop. Zoe: Thank you. Bye. Love you. Ms. Barrett turns off the light and the room goes dark. QUIZ TIME CHECK OUT the NEW BOOK about Doug, KB, and Dead Mom on Amazon. Learn more here. First 7 people to tip me this month will get a signed Doug Wanoy copy of Henry's Hiccups for Deaf Awareness Month. And if you're a parent, check out my parenting guide Now What? Mindful Parenting Checklists for Life’s Hard Moments.
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