A docuseries on the life and legacy of Baytree Monkey**I know it seems as if I'm a greedy, greedy girl to charge membership to a blog, but the blogging/emailing sites raised their prices. My goal is to get 9 more people to make a profit. **  Interviewer: How long have you known KB? Nick: I've worked with him for one year at Barstool. Today's my one-year anniversary. Interviewer: Congrats... did he ever talk about Baytree Monkey? Nick: He brought it up once, but you could tell that he was visibly uncomfortable. I never mentioned it again. He didn't talk about it. But there were signs...  Shelton: It was like Baytree Monkey never existed. Derek: He would start to shiver in terror if anyone in our class wore Paul Frank clothing or carried their accessories. Mckenzie: Whenever his mom got a survey to fill out from the school, Kyle would run away. Carter: He stopped eating bananas. Shelton: The Wizard of Oz became his horror film. Lauren: Frankly, good riddance. His breakup from rapping and his little posse was bound to happen. Though when, I was always curious. George, Ringo, John, and Paul of the Beatles - those guys couldn't even last forever. It wasn't like he was king. In lieu of rapping, he tried magic. He had this odd performance where he would hide behind the wall with his magician's cape, hat, and wand. Then, he would jump out and yell, "Ahhh, boo! You ain't never had a 'gic like me. Wah-ah-ah! Oh my! Wah-ah-ah! No, no. Wah-ah-ah! Oh my!" It was odd. And, like, we would always cringe at his usage of the word 'gic. Then he would thunder, "Seize her" (referring to my mom), and attempt the sawing-in-half bit. He was on a whole other planet. I could write a whole APES paragraph on how Kyle's rapping downfall affected him. But do I want Baytree Monkey to come back? Yes, yes I do. This is a prime date for him to return. Greg Bauer (Doug Wanoy): Did I see the calling? Yes, I saw it on the Yak for the wet wheel. He made Brandon laugh. It was like Batman's bat sign. Shelton: He hasn't gone full monkey in a while. Derek: I'm not sure what it meant. Shelton: I know exactly what he meant. Kyle's Fiancé: I saw him sleeping with the Pennington jersey. Interviewer: What do you think this all means? Lauren: Baytree Monkey wants to come home.  CHECK OUT the NEW BOOK about Doug, KB, and Dead Mom on Amazon. Learn more here. A drone pans over the city of Wheeling, WV. It flies above the football stadium, which used to house the talents of Baytree Monkey. Everything lies desolate and dreary. Narrator: It's been over twenty years since the city of Wheeling has been graced by the presence of Baytree Monkey. There's been an unsettling cloud hanging over the valley city nestled by the river ever since Baytree abruptly hung up his hat in dramatic fashion. His absence cast a pall over Friday Night Lights. Brenda Danehart: High school football lost its luster. Attendance plummeted. I was desperate for a riveting interview. I don't know how many dialogues I could have with grown men who were living vicariously through their sons. Baytree Monkey brought life to not only my job but the entire community. We haven't had that kind of excitement since. Nick: He's been talking about how he wants to have a singing career on ANUS. He wants to dabble in music. Lauren: I know my brother. It's a cry for help. He wants people to want him. He wants to perform again. He wants to become Baytree Monkey again. But he NEEDS the approval of everyone. He wants people on their hands and knees (or all fours), oo, oo, ahh, ahhing all over the internet, calling him back home. Interviewer: Is that all it would take? Lauren: Yes. No monkey business. I was able to obtain an exclusive interview with Baytree Monkey. You need to join my membership to hear this interview. In full transparency, Kyle answered some of my questions as Baytree Monkey. I recorded his response with a distorted voice. The transcript is also available.
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