Welp, the throw up has come. Before now, it was just dry heaving and gagging. But during Week 9, not to get graphic, chunks came out. One time I made it to the toilet. The other time I.did.not. We were in California at this time on our unplanned babymoon, and we packed a lot of things into the day, so by the evening I was whimpering in bed by 9:00. However, I will admit, as tired and sluggish I am to get out of bed, getting out and doing some exercise really distracts me from the sickness and brightens my mood. I highly suggest getting outside for at least a little bit and moving your body. The days I felt the best were when we were hiking in Yosemite, bike riding through San Francisco and over the Golden Gate Bridge, and kayaking in McCovey's Cove. I am gearing up baby to be a runner much to probably James' chagrin. James claims cross country isn't a sport. Please send him hateful messages. So in conclusion, Baby did a bad thing by making me throw up, but baby is forgiven. I think I also have forgiven James. We had a lot of fun on our trip, and he was really caring during my down times.  

My one true love. My loyal companion through thick and thin. Why have thy betrayed me? I am talking about water. Water has been my ride or die since day one. I drink little else besides it. I don't like any kind of soda. I don't like coffee. I rarely drink fruit juice. Just water. I crave it all the day. Until now. Pregnancy has completely changed its taste to me. I looked it up and it's a thing that other women have experienced. Some how hormones or whatever is brewing in my body has made me totally not like the taste of water and has made H20 not quench my thirst fully. I either want water ice cold or with mostly ice cubes or no water all together but instead those sugary drinks which I have long campaigned against. All I have to plead to water is, "Baby come back. Any kind of fool could see. There was something in everything about you. Baby come back, you can blame it all on me. I was wrong, and I just can't live without you." 

The baby is the size of a kumquat tart. Like what the what? What on God's green earth is a kumquat tart? Sounds like a name kids call each other on the playground. Tina, you fat kumquat tart, eat your dinner. Your mom is a kumquat tart. Is that what you are doing? Ruining my life and freakin' making me look like a kumquat tart. Uhh yes those were Napoleon Dynamite quotes in which I just substituted words for kumquat tart. Try it. It's a really fun, waste of time activity to do while you are in bed with the Morning Sickness. 

I have only one week to milk this fun-sounding name as long as I can. Anywhoozers, I hope you enjoyed your first trip to California. We plan to take you to lots of places with baseball stadiums and National Parks in the future. Kids these days need to darn tootin' get out in nature more and get off there thingamabobs and whooseamawhatsits. I also apologize that we are going to hide Disney World for as long as we can from you, so you might be the only one in your class who has never been. Unpopular opinion alert, we think Disney World is overrated and expensive and much rather deny you any magical joy you can gain from your experience there and make you hike up steep inclines instead to see yet another waterfall. Also, prepare to rarely see the beach because well sand and you have to lug all those sand toys and chairs across the oasis of hot sand after you just spent 10 hours trying to find a parking space that is a mile away. We are only looking out for your best interests. That's a lie. We are 100% thinking about ourselves. 

Love, 
Your selfless mama  

The tables have turned. The friend has now become the foe. My ally now my rival. My partner my assailant. I am sleeping with the enemy (quite literally because, well, figuratively isn't going so well with all the gagging in the evening). The baby is no longer the object of my anger. It's now directed at my husband. He did this to me. He must pay. The morning sickness has stepped up a notch, and it is naturally all of James' fault. He is either being overly supportive and asking me how I am doing way too much, or is isn't being supportive enough and not hugging me when I need him to or just letting me cry. I am not going to split hairs here and debate who is right, but it's me. I am right. Duhh. Figure me out, James! I dare you. 

By now in this point of pregnancy I have had some oddly specific, vivid dreams. I have killed the baby at least three times. By now, I am like Wake up, stupid baby. I know you are not dead. I literally see you breathing. Quit trying to scare me. In one dream, I put the baby down in his crib, turned my head for a second, and then the next thing you know heaps of blankets are piling on top of my baby. Not thin blankets but heavy ass ones, smothering him. In another one, my baby started choking on air. No one could figure out how to do the Heimlich Maneuver, and he was being passed around from person to person except to me who was screaming that I knew how to do it. Eventually, he got passed to a gym teacher, and next thing I know the baby is dead.
So if you are having these kinds of dreams, they are totally natural. It's normal to have fears and anxieties about your pregnancy and if your baby is healthy and what kind of mom you will be and will your son or daughter love you. It's important to remember that you are not alone and not crazy. It's totally okay if you cry out of no where. It's 2018 no longer should women be expected to suck it up and act as if everything is fine 24/7. Hopefully, you have a husband or partner who is there for you because, baby, you need his lovin'.  

Oh well I do declare that the baby is now the size of a southern pecan. Y'all my little darling is just growing up so fast. Bless his/her heart, he/she will be here before I know it. Y'all come back next week for more updates. 

It's you and me pal. Daddy is actually a really nice guy and will be a great father to you. He's really excited to meet you. He asks how you are doing every day. Sometimes, Daddy doesn't know what to do when people cry. He's not used to that, but I am sure you are going to melt his heart and make him softer. Thanks, Kid. Mommy owes you. 

Love, 
​Your partner in crime

The morning of the start of the infamous Week 6, I woke up feeling like a champ, thinking This ain't no thang. I went for a run, worked out in the gym, stretched, and ate healthy snacks full of protein and vegetables and fruits. I was fully convinced that my body was immune to morning sickness, and I would have a glamorous pregnancy full of clean eating, bountiful workouts, loads of energy, and amazing skin. #livingmybestlife I was wrong. So wrong. 
By the afternoon, nausea was in full force. My head hurt. I was feeling dizzy. And did the thought of eating the snack I had just had early this morning suddenly revolt me? I think so. The week continued in a roller coaster of symptoms like way, ranging from me moaning in agony on the couch to being disgusted by the sight, smell, and even thought of a peppermint to taking about five naps in one day to driving to Target like a lunatic only to satisfy my craving for Yogurt popsicles and finally to crying ugly tears because James wrote me a letter for our anniversary (But in all fairness I think I would have done that anyway pregnancy aside). I no longer felt like a champ. I felt like a hormonal pathetic excuse for a human being who just wanted to suck on some ice and rid the world of peppermint flavor anything. Hey, at least I haven't thrown up! 

I went to the gas station, put the gas pump in the tank, and clicked the handle down, so the tank would fill up automatically like I always do. Then for no apparent reason whatsoever, I got out of my car and took the gas pump out of the car before it was full, consequently spraying gas all over the car and myself. I still don't know what possessed me to do that. Pregnancy brain? 

The growing baby is the size of a wee raspberry. With fruit being the only consistent food I can seem to stomach these days, I am having thoughts of eating my baby. Great. 

I can't wait until you have your first bout with nausea and the flu. Mommy is going to laugh in your face. And then make Daddy take care of you.  Muwhahaha. 

Love, 
​Your crazy mother

I am starting to feel more optimistic. In fact, the books and the apps suggest feeling and thinking positive thoughts will lead to a healthier pregnancy and birth. And quite honestly, I will do absolutely almost anything to ensure that a baby sliding out of my nether regions is as painless as possible. So namaste, all. 

One word can sum up the symptoms I have been experiencing and that word is - pee. I have always been a frequent urinator. One time, in college, my roommate and I tracked how much we peed for a month to compare our urine tendency. You know, typical college antics. The results ended up being no competition. I out peed her by like 3 to 1. It wasn't even close, son. I have to pee again while peeing. No lie. I'll be tinkling and then I will finish and then realize I have to go again. 
Therefore, with this whole pregnancy thing my bathroom trips have been revved up a notch. The average person pees about 8-10 times a day. While I, on the other hand, am relieving my bladder probably more than 20 times a day. My urine is crystal clear too! #feelingproud

By now the baby has grown to the size of a Maine blueberry. Not a California blueberry or an Iowa blueberry. No, a Maine blueberry. Ain't nobody have time for those other 49 states. This is a really important developmental milestone to track. If your little fetus is the size of, let's say, a Mississippi Blueberry, you need to flip the freak out because you don't want your baby the size of that southern state or else he/she will always be coming in 49th or 50th or some other low place his/her entire life. Therefore, be certain not to eat 1/16 of a calorie more or less than what is needed to produce a Maine sized blueberry baby. You're welcome. 

As an expectant mother, it is critical to think about the baby growing inside of you 24/7. Otherwise, it WILL die. You cannot go outside and move because you might fall and the baby WILL die. You cannot sit all day because not enough exercise will cause the baby to be a lazy bum and he/she WILL die. You cannot breath in any outside or inside air because air contains toxins and pollutants, and the baby WILL die. You also cannot hold your breath for 9 months because, well, you will die, and the baby WILL die too. You need to get 10 bazillion servings of protein, 5 gazillion of carbohydrates, 3 zillion of vegetables, 2 billion of fruits, and 1 million of healthy fats a day or else the baby WILL die. Other than that, pregnancy is a time for you to enjoy yourself and emit that radiant glow for all the world to see. You do you, girl. 

 In keeping with the spirit of positive vibes only, I am writing you to tell you that I know you will not make me sick as I soon enter the dreaded Week 6. You are such a good little blueberry, and I know that you would never do something like that to Mommy. Even though I know you won't, I do have to warn you that if you do make me ill, especially during our trip to California where I already cannot drink wine when we go to Napa Valley, I will get my revenge. "It will be when you least expect it, which might be when you most expect it. It could actually be when you're of age and reading What to Expect When You're Expecting in preparation for your own kids" (Schmidt, New Girl). But I will lurk in the shadows for as long as it takes, and I. Will. Strike.You.Down. 

Love the one who loves you the most,
Your dearest Mommy

 As always, life has a funny way of kicking your plans to the curb and rewriting its own script. Yet, we still make plans with the hopes of sticking to them as much as possible. My life was no different. A funny thing happens the day after you get married and that is people begin asking you if you want kids and sooner or later they begin questioning (some pestering) when you are going to have kids. My answer was always the same. I want to start trying in July 2019, so I can have kid in March 2020 and take the rest of the school year off and go straight into summer, so I have a solid 6 + months at home with my newborn. With this plan in mind, we began making other plans. The student debt loan would be paid off by May 2019. We would go to Iceland. We would visit all the baseball stadiums. I would get my National Boards. I would coach cross country for two more years in order to watch a talented group finish out their senior year. I wanted to get more involved in my volunteering. I wanted to train for a 5k and run it in times comparable to my college times. The list goes on. People would ask what would happen if the plan didn't work out the way I had imagined it in my mind. I would laugh and remind them that plans usually don't go according to, well, plan, and that I would be fine with it. That was until it actually happened. 

I stared down at the positive pregnancy test in disbelief, wondering how on earth this could have happened. I mean, I get how procreating works, but I track my cycle very carefully, and the time of conception in terms of percentages is a really rare time to actually become pregnant. I then spent the rest of the evening crying and lamenting the changes my body was about the undergo and the plans that were now thrown out the window. Luckily for my future child's sake, my husband was thrilled. We will tell him/her his side only. 

However, the next day was different, while still anxious about the upcoming changes in our life, I realized that God has his own plans for us. We may not like them, and we may not get them, but He knows best. I had really thought he was calling me to other things with motherhood on the back burner, but now I realize I was wrong. Motherhood it is, and I just might see why now. 

At this moment, no one knows about my impending belly bump except my husband, my mom, and a good friend who is pregnant herself (I had some questions). I don't plan (haha plans) on telling friends and extended family until the end of July. With my thyroid disease I have a higher chance of a miscarriage. James and I plan on telling our fathers on Father's Day. 
In addition, I don't know too much about pregnancies and babies, so I threw myself into the research, buying two books (What to Expect When You are Expecting and Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy), downloading two apps (Ovia and UNC Rex Healthcare), and signing up for a Newsletter. Here is what I learned and how I feel so far. 

• The first sign I noticed was at about two weeks. It was enlarged and slightly painful breasts. Mine are pretty small, so I was pretty pumped about this. I had no idea I was pregnant at this time. 
• Around 4 weeks, I was two days late for my period. Breasts were aching even more. 
• Took two pregnancy tests and both were a faint positive, which still means positive. 
• Learned that false positives are rare. 
• Literally thought I could feel the baby growing inside of me. This is highly unlikely. 
• Began to feel bloating all throughout week 4. Each time I looked down at my belly, I expected to see a bump, which, again, is very unlikely because the baby weighs less than an ounce at this point. 
• Slight loss of appetite
• Happened to have a doctor's appointment this week. She took a urine culture test to examine for bacteria and did a blood test. She said my baby was meant to be. She also said that I need to gain 30 pounds! 
• Researched places to give birth and liked the option of a birthing center at a hospital with a midwife. 
• Decided I would like to try natural, but with medicine nearby and fast! 
• At week 5, the baby is a size of a black peppercorn. 
• At week 5, I am beginning to wonder if I am even pregnant. I really have no symptoms besides my breasts only slightly hurting. Although, I am very thirsty all the time. 
• Considering taking another pregnancy test after learning about chemical pregnancies. 

You weren't in our plans for right now, but we are overjoyed at the new plans God has in store for us. We are going to do everything we can to raise you as a strong child of God. We love you. Keep growing, little one. 
Mommy and Daddy
​
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6