**I know it seems like I'm a greedy, greedy girl to charge membership to a blog, but the blogging/emailing sites raised prices. I only need 14 more people to join to break even. Doug Wanoy will give you a $20 Starbucks gift card for joining.**

During the 2001-2002 school year, I was in the 7th grade at my Catholic grade school. For reference, Nick was in 4th grade, and Kyle was in 3rd. That year, an incident so profound and prolific occurred during a winter that had been laden with snow. It hijacked our small town community’s sense of security and forever shaped us during such formative years. Our school’s tight-knit foundation came crumbling to the ground. This event was so paramount in nature that I had to pen my grandma, who lived in New Jersey, just 30 miles outside of New York City, to inform her of this terrible occurrence and ask if she had ever heard of anything so shocking, striking a city, let alone a nation. 

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The SVS bomb threat terrorized faculty and students for over a week. Making front page headlines in the local paper, The Wheeling Intelligencer, the threats baffled law enforcement’s intellect and made the student body question whether they were playing for the bush league rather than the actual police force. 

Now, 23 years later, thanks to a committee of hardworking individuals, we have been able to unearth a detailed timeline starting with the day the bomb threats started appearing. This declassified information has been gathered from primary and secondary sources that include eyewitness accounts, journal entries, interviews, security footage, and newspaper articles. I’ll take you on a never-before recounting of that day and the fallout that arose out of the debris left behind in the weeks to come.

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Not too long after we adopted our son, I received an email from an interested patron, client, customer (all these words seem too formal when talking about the adoption process) inquiring about our adoption agency.

Would we recommend them? What were the pros and cons?

It took a while to compose an answer. I wanted it to be thoughtful and honest, but I was also struggling to convey my feelings.

Would I recommend my adoption agency? Well, of course, I’m staring into the eyes of my beautiful baby boy. How could I not recommend them? Without them, we would not have our son.

But that’s not the full answer, nor an honest one at that.

I wanted my response to be vulnerable and raw because many times throughout the process, I would not have recommended them or even private adoption at that.

I struggled with telling her every feeling and thought that I had throughout the process. Would I have wanted someone to do the same?

I think so.
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Here is what I said…

As I was scrolling social media the other day, I saw a glimmer of hope amongst a sea of Bogg Bags, Owala water bottles, new merch that just dropped, “life changing” parenting courses, “game changing” products that “Guys, you just have to try,” and skincare brands because God forbid, Moms, you look an ounce of tired.
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It was an influencer. Kind of. She was a therapist and a mom of three with a rather large following, but instead of trying to sell me something and get me to shill out hundreds of dollars for things that my kids will need or they will die, she was defluencing me.

It was a breath of fresh air and someone who spoke my love language.
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I have always been riding the “less is more” in parenting train. I run a modest newsletter for parents, and I want to scream it from the rooftops.

“Do less, buy less, consume less noise, Mamas! You’re stressing yourself out.”

Defluencing Parenting Advice

In fact, over the years, I have distanced myself from many parenting Instagram accounts, particularly those that offer overly simplistic advice and who are grifters at heart rather than “parenting experts.

“Never make your kids apologize.”
“Never do time-outs.”
“Don’t say ‘be careful.’”

They fail to consider nuance, the individual needs of each child, and a parent’s intuition and confidence; instead, they rely on scripts and advice to push their one-size-fits-all courses.

I’m thinking of one huge parenting account that, in recent years, has turned from offering solid advice to a chaotic mess, preying on parents’ insecurities just so it can make money.

I mean, in the past 6 months, this account has launched a podcast, merch, a substack, a toy line, and a brand new course.

Their new course comes after their “viral, the only course you need,” which launched them into stardom.

This new course is for deep feelers, and they claim that their strategies work for kids 1–18 years old.

Neither of these women has had experience with teenagers and hasn’t worked with kids other than their own in the last 5 years. One was a family therapist, and the other had no experience or education related to early childhood education (except for a vague concentration in maternal studies).

If they are offering advice that they claim works for kids 1–18, it must be so vague that you can easily find that information in a free library book or blog, or talk to a teacher.

DO NOT PAY for stuff like this.

DO NOT PAY for a potty training course from people who aren’t experts.

In fact, DO NOT PAY for a potty training course at all. People have successfully learned to use the potty for thousands of years. I don’t think it should take a pricey course with recycled material for this to happen.

And DO NOT PAY for a potty training, sharing, and bedtime toy kit that costs upwards of $50 and is “backed by science.” Unless, of course, you want to.
But, trust me, your kids will learn how to use the potty, share, and go to bedtime without a gimmicky toy.

Check out a free book or buy a cheap one, or talk to other parents.

I have four THOUGHTS.​

• Bloggers, influencers, and creators do deserve fair compensation if they are putting in work for parenting content that is educational, AND these creators have the proper credentials and expertise. I trust teachers the most.​
• No parenting advice should be “the only course you need,” “life-changing hack,” “works for all ages,” “this course is truly groundbreaking,” “nothing like it out there,” “this program will give you your life back,” “total game changer.” This is emotionally charged language. Its purpose is to be relatable, build “community,” and to get YOU TO BUY THEIR STUFF BECAUSE WITHOUT THEIR TOOLS YOU’RE MISSING OUT AND DOING PARENTING WRONG/HARD.​
• Extreme language is purposeful to sell a product. They use three methods: relatability (“We are surviving just like you!” 🤸), urgency (“BUY NOW!”), and authority (“This is backed by science!”…but no sources). This creates pressure to be the perfect parent.​
• What parents need is this: free or cheap childcare, help/support, time to recharge/reset/rest/rejuvenate (this can include time to go to therapy, sleep, have time for friends), and confidence/permission to do what works for your family.

Pool toys. Beach toys. Park toys. Playground toys. Road trip toys. Travel toys. Outdoor toys. Indoor toys. Kitchen and eating essentials. Bedtime essentials.

All of it YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE NOW.

Kids are simple creatures at heart.

What are my Road Trip Toys? A pad of paper to draw on, a book, maybe some toy cars, and a healthy side dose of being bored, which shockingly also doubles as my Going Out to Eat Toys, Church Toys, and Travel Toys.

Chances are, the toys and products you have at home right this minute will work just fine.
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Yes, I sometimes look to social media for some birthday and Christmas recommendations and inspirations from trusted sources. Do I also find some essentials that have made baby eating simpler and less messy? Yes.
But, parents, rest assured, you will be fine without them.

Some creative accounts share fun, little learning activities to set up for your kids.

I got sucked into doing a lot of these when my first child was 1–2 years old. I felt like I was depriving him of educational learning and a future career in the STEM field if I failed to set these up.

Some of the activities were fun. Most, though, took me longer to make and set up than the amount of time my child actually played with it.

I gave up, and I’m happier for it. So is my child. He would much rather play with what he already has. He has quite an imagination and creative problem-solving skills to show for it.

So, parents, here is me deinfluencing you. You don’t need to do any of those activities if you don’t want to.
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Your child learning to play by himself and come up with things to do when she is bored (sometimes with your help) is much more beneficial in the long run.

Parents, if you are reading this and worrying if you are doing a good job as a parent, chances are, you are probably doing a good enough job as it is.

Kids don’t need fancy stuff and name-brand products, and a parent who is overwhelmed by everything they are influenced by.

They just need you and your loving presence.
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Bogg bags and Owalas aside.