Reading the Signs My Mother Left Behind

Lauren Barrett

​How she guided me to reach out to a student

As I watched my mom die twenty-seven minutes before my 34th birthday, I had the foresight to know that my mom would never just cease to exist on this earth if there wasn’t a greater reason at play. Yes, I believe in all that religious stuff concerning God’s greater plan and even the cringeworthy adage “everything happens for a reason” (although I would never utter that to anyone after a tragedy).
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After all, my mom was a devout Catholic and raised me as such. But, I knew, if there were to be anyone to confront God and talk him out of his Greater Plan, it would be my mom.

My mom had a penchant for being, well, a mom long past her expiration date for needing to be one. Evident by pestering me to bring all my dirty laundry to my cross-country meets in college and sending me home with freshly folded clothes.
Or, likewise, the meat on my plate was always nicely cut up due to years of habit.
There was no way she would leave me, her daughter, in the throes of my own motherhood to raise her precious grandbaby without her.

So, as I stood there watching her take her last breaths in that hospital room, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I was somewhat curious to find out what this Grand Reason would be. And if it could hurry up and present itself soon, that would be great to make her death a tad bit more manageable. I silently prayed this on the long walk back to the car.

Then I screamed into the night.

I’ll spare you the ugly details of grief. But, as it turns out, my mom died two days before I was to return to my thirteenth year of teaching, and I couldn’t bear to go back. Not yet, anyway.

And because I decided to postpone my educational duties until I confronted the grief headfirst, my administration and colleagues switched my schedule to be less stressful to help me ease back into my return.

My first day back to work was November 2nd, All Souls’ Day in the Catholic Church. The feast is a day of prayer and remembrance of the faithful departed. The symbolism isn’t lost on me, and it should come as no surprise that this day would commence the day I found out one of the Grand Reasons for my mom’s death.

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L​auren Barrett is a multi-passionate mom working to help all people become their best selves and build positive relationships with the people around them. She has a degree in deaf education and a Master’s in Reading Education. She is a high school teacher of the Deaf and hard-of-hearing, a former cross country coach, a writer/author, and a full time mom to an amazing 6-year old and 5-month old. Lauren is a 3x author, including children’s book,Henry’s Hiccups, and parenting guide Now What? Mindful Checklists for Life’s Hard Parenting Moments. She is a blogger at Lauren Barrett Writes. Currently, she is grieving her loving mom’s unexpected death and devoting her time to helping people learn about grief, insomnia, and anxiety in honor of her mom. She loves her faith, running, visiting MLB stadiums with her husband, chocolate, scrapbooking, pretending she would actually do well on the Amazing Race, re-watching The Office, listening to Bobby Bones, and helping out all moms. She lives in North Carolina with her husband, James, and son, Henry. Follow her on her blog and get her free kind for sleep and anxiety, Stress Free Sleep.