A docuseries on the life and legacy of Baytree Monkey**I know it seems as if I'm a greedy, greedy girl to charge membership to a blog, but the blogging/emailing sites raised their prices. My goal is to get 11 more people to make a profit. **  Remi Markos (real person): Yo, It All Comes Down was an instant smash hit. Type Shiii. Group of teeny boppers in their Catholic school uniforms, standing on the playground (which is just a parking lot) of St. Vincent de Paul School: Whatcha want now? Baytree! Who you wanna hear? Baytree! Shawn “Plenty Rock” Moore: It All Comes Down was an overnight sensation. It put Baytree Monkey on the map. Thug Life was the fan favorite, but IACD resonated most with true hip hop fans. Shelton: Fruit salad. Can’t hack it. The lyrics were catchy as hell. Derek: Those were the times.  The camera pans over Baytree Monkey’s childhood home and zooms in on the Baytree sign before settling on the kitchen table inside the house. Interviewer: Thanks for being here today. What do you remember about Baytree Monkey? Lauren (Baytree Monkey’s sister): Thanks for having me. I’m used to doing these things by now. Kyle has many facets to him. Interviewer: Kyle? Lauren: I refuse to call him Baytree Monkey or KB. But Dean is cool. Interviewer: Dean? Lauren: A whole other interview. Anyway, I was in 8th grade at the time of Baytree Monkey’s genesis. It was a big deal at the time to go to the Wheeling Central football games at Wheeling Island. The 4th-8th graders hung out below the bleachers and walked around. Kyle was a little guy. I mean, it’s not like I could talk either, but he was tiny. And all of a sudden, at these football games, he has this flock of kids surrounding him. He’s in the middle rapping his hits: Thug Life, It All Comes Down, and High Speed. These tweens are throwing dollar bills at him, and he’s lapping up the attention. Interviewer: Were you jealous? Lauren: Ha. Me jealous of Kyle, Kyle, Kyle? This was October, and the Geography Bee didn’t happen until the month of Jan. Brady was never jealous of the bunch of Giselle’s fame. Why would I be? Shakespeare, the great bard, a simp, son of a glover, was never covetous of anyone. I had my own job booth at the games - passing out free gum from my uncle’s business. I wasn’t bitter that he had arrested my development of entrepreneurship. The classic TV trope of sibling rivalry didn’t happen in the Bauer Family. I had my thing, and he had his. End of story.  Shelton: It was the beginning of an epic story. Kyle’s fame took off and grew exponentially each week after the football games. He could barely walk into DiCarlos without a mob of rapid fans hounding him. We had to hire security for him. Interviewer: Have a seat. Carter Huffman: Where are we looking? Interviewer: Look right here at me. Carter Huffman: I’m Carter Huffman. McKenzie Peluchette: I’m McKenzie Peluchette. We were Baytree Monkey’s security team on the one account that we were the two tallest boys in the class. It was an honor to be asked. Carter: We were living large, being in his squad. He treated us well. Free gum for us in return for protecting him from the paparazzi and screaming girls at the games. McKenzie: My favorite story from our time on the road was when there was an away game in Steubenville, Ohio. The Bauer Family decided to go. We were talking with Baytree Monkey like asking, “Hey man, are you thinking of going because there are going to be a lot of people there?” Word was spreading, ya know. We heard from AOL Instant Messenger that children were going just to see Baytree Monkey. So we were like, “Dude, if you’re going to go, we need to be prepared.” Carter: So his mom agreed to ride us in the minivan, so we could roll up six deep. We had Baytree, Kenz, Derek, Shelton, Michael Selak, and me in this van. His mom was usually into healthy shit, but she bought us Scooby Snacks, Cheez Balls, Go-Gurt, and Capri Suns for the road. The plan was that she was going to ride to the back entrance, drop us off there, and then we were going to sneak in and set up near the concession stands. McKenzie: But there was a tip-off. Carter: Someone saw Baytree sticking his head out of the van like a dog and had their mom tail the car. She then posted from XoXoPrincessGurl4Eva on her AOL Away Message: Baytree Monkey coming in the minivan :p :p McKenzie: By the time we got there, the whole place was packed with kids screaming for Baytree. They had signs. Prepubescent kids were throwing stuff at him. Girls wanted him to sign their training bras. So, I turned to Huff, and like mouthed, “What are we going to do?” He turned back to me and was like Baytree is going up. Carter: It was my idea to lift him up. We just surround him and hoist him into the air. The crowd went nuts. Everyone was chanting, “Baytree Monkey.” It was awesome! McKenzie: Someone got a photo. And it got sent to the newspaper. The next morning, it was on the front page of The Wheeling Intelligencer. Baytree Monkey in the air, with his thousand-watt smile and all of us surrounding him, cheesin’. Man, those were the times. Carter: Baytree Monkey would live forever.  The screen goes blank. Music stops. Then, really suddenly, Lauren appears on the screen. Lauren: Then, Steam Room came out. Sinister music. Roll credits. COMING SOON: Episode 3: The Downfall
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed